RespectfullyAlone Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) Life simply sucks. I can't count the number of times I come out of situations where I'm working or being busy, to be reminded how sad and alone I am. I still love my ex with all my heart. I still have that hope when I check my emails everyday. I look at my phone with a breaking heart as there are no messages on there. I had the most horrible and unsettling dream the other night. It wasn't just a short one either, I'm pretty sure it went on for hours. It was of me in a situation similar to that scene in "Friends with Benefits", where the girl is lying in the magicians box being ready to be sawn in half. And she overhears JT talking to his sister saying he doesn't like this girl, and they are just friends. I don't recall where it was, but it was of me hearing my ex talk to her guy about me, putting me down, belittling me and saying horrible things about me. There was some other stuff in there too, but it broke my heart as it felt so real. I already feel lower than I ever have in my entire life. There is only so much rejection and heart breaking a person can take before I guess they become properly broken. I simply cannot find any joy and happiness in anything. I try to stay busy with work, even started my own online business. But the hurt, pain and sadness are so deeply rooted in me I honestly fear that at some point in my life I will give up the will to even breathe. Nothing gives me joy. Not a sunny day, a rainy day, seeing the ocean, nothing. It all just reminds me of her, and that I am alone now. When I go shopping, all I see at the mall is couples. Everywhere I look, I see people together, leading their lives. All I am is a sad pathetic person whose locked outside of the giant cookie jar looking in. I will never get in. The next month is going to be hell for me. I have my own birthday coming up, my ex's birthday, my nephews, both my parents, and soon after that it will be the anniversary of my ex leaving me. 1 full year of hell is nearly going to be over, and I don't see any lights on the horizon. I've told my parents I will not be celebrating my birthday this year. There is nothing to celebrate. My last birthday was maybe one of the best I've ever had with my ex, this year, it will be one of the worst. It doesn't matter if she hasn't remembered me, thought of me, what to speak of contacting me. My heart yearns for her so much. I even convince myself that having just a little hope she will reach out to me in the future, she will remember and miss me, that this is better than having no hope, and just having a black dark life ahead. Life doesn't always work out for people. It doesn't matter if you are good or bad, hard hearted, or a gentle kind soul. It doesn't matter how much self improvement, fitness, health, hobbies, jobs, whatever activity to take up your time you do. It won't change the fact that sometimes it's just all about FATE. If FATE doesn't smile upon you, why bother to even try. It's not as though anything one does will make a difference anyway. Edited November 17, 2013 by RespectfullyAlone
Nubcake Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) You have to get rid of that hope of her coming back man it's doing you no good and destroying you. My heart screams at me as well that maybe she will come around and think of me and the time where she loved me deeply. It's not going to happen, it's over for good. There was a reason why she left and fell out of love. She will not view those good times in a positive light if they even ever cross her mind nor will she feel the same joy you think she would. You need to put your hope in your future that one day you will find someone else who will be better than her and that all your pain will pass. Many people have experienced that joy. Everything reminds me of my ex as well and it's hard fighting my heart who constantly brings hers up and longs for her. Got so bad tonight I had a panic attack with despair and suicidal thoughts. I wouldn't call it fate, it's just life where fairness doesn't apply. It just gets very discouraging as you know when you get the short end if the stick. Edited November 17, 2013 by Nubcake 1
lop98 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Time to seek professional help, you seem to have built some solid type of fortress in that initial stage of pain and I don't think it will be that easy to break out of it on your own and with simple measures, and I don't think it's fair to continue subjecting yourself to it any longer when a few therapy sessions could really do wonders and help you move past the trauma.
Omei Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Sounds like you're shutting yourself off. Celebrate your birthday get active to say it's going the be the worst, well yeah it will be because you seem like your intent is to make it so. At this point you're hurting yourself. I get the heartbreak I do as my time without my love is nearing your time but you've shut everything out there should still be things in life that make you happy. Dont be dependant on a relationship for your happiness. 1
tjr Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 It sucks how one person or one event can change a person. But you do get to pick if it changes you for better or worse. Sometimes you just can't see the way out, or its not the way out you'd like. I read somewhere that fate is just the name of the person fing you over that you dont know who, but generally that name is yourself. Take out the other person from the equation, you can not change them. Just yourself. If you really cant find even tiny things to make you feel more happy, ask why not. Did it make it happy before? Are you going to let them steal that from you just simply cause they dont want you? Don't let them have that power. Take control and find those things inside you that make you smile. 1
GeneralJennyJenn Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Honestly I was devastated after my 1st ex and I broke up. I swear it took me about 1-1.5 year to really recover, the 1st year was as you wrote, pure hell. Devoid of anything that makes you happy but slowly without even realizing you do start to let them go and you begin to think of them less and less. It doesn't happen at the same rate for everyone but seeing a therapist isn't a bad idea. They can help you by giving you tools, suggestions that can allow you to heal a little faster than just time alone. Keep on venting too, read books, online articles and try to use some of the suggestions given. Not all will work actually many won't but the very act of you taking care of yourself is crucial in recovering. 1
Jenny1234 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Keep pushing forward. That's the only option you've been given. And you are still here! I'm in similar situation . 7 months out and feel like crap and miss him like hell My past doenst help... All my exes moved onto marry the next girl....and here I am Again... Going thru hell... I wonder how more times I can take this! When will it be MY time to be happy!!? Going forward 1
avacado Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I could have written this thread myself. Just shy of 11 months here too and every day is pretty rooted in pain. And I have the dreams, too. People say to get rid of the hope - I'm not sure how that's done. I think it'll only really happen when you meet someone new. My experience has made me bolder with women, getting numbers and going on dates. None have worked out so far, but you'll soon realize that there are quite a lot of good women out there, and I think you probably know that your relationship had some fatal flaws, if she walked away. 11 months really isn't long for some people to get over a breakup. Don't feel ashamed. But if you're really this depressed, I second what someone else said and seek out a therapist. Have you done that yet? I have, it was very hard at first to admit I needed help but it turned out to be something I looked forward to. 1
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Hey OP. Im with you, 100%. Im on the same journey as you right now, only im not half as successful as you are. You started an online business???? Well done sir, more of that please. Btw, im 13 months, NC. I dont however want her back, i am however deeply affected by her cheating and using of me for the 15 months. I do hope, you start to realise, that life is too short to be waiting for that text or call from her, because sorry to say, 11 months now, that call aint never coming. Instead you are letting her win this by constantly longing for her. Your a great guy, who is loved by your family and friends, you say you will eventually give up the energy to breathe? Well, i would seriously advice you to go to your doctor and tell him how depressed you are. Aint no shame in depression, and there is certainly NO SHAME in trying out anti depressants for a while, trust me, they will put you back on track. Continue posting here too, keep us updated. Also, please keep busy, i know your like a walking zombie right now, but its essential to keep dragging your ass outa bed. Do go to the doctors, because you are displaying severe signs of depression, and your sounding very suicidal. Your life is worth much more than some bitch who felt you werent enough. Stay strong sir. 1
Reels Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 My NC is about 11 months too now. Found none, still.
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