jcrew11 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Yeah, just tell her you were previously engaged but broke up. Women view you as a "Player" who is "immature and cant' settle down and might have slept with a lot of women" They see you as having A.D.D. and a potential cheater. Women are just sick and tired of men who don't want to commit. You just have to convince them that you want to get married some day.
ChessPieceFace Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It's like applying for a job and have never worked in the field this job is about, do you think an employer will hire you? By that logic, no one can ever get hired. Marriage isn't totally dissimilar to other situations. I lived with my mom and sister for years as an adult, dealing with their nagging, bad moods, PMS etc. Pretty sure I'd have more experience than you think.
singlelife Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 i am divorced. being in a committed relationship does make you try to understand the other persons side better. when i have dated women seem to appreciate the respect you give them. and as lng as you are not a stick in the mud they seem to like divorced men.
Iguanna Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 By that logic, no one can ever get hired. Marriage isn't totally dissimilar to other situations. I lived with my mom and sister for years as an adult, dealing with their nagging, bad moods, PMS etc. Pretty sure I'd have more experience than you think. When you have a store or a business you want to have the best employee that you can get cause you will be more sure that he/she will do the job good, right? If you can find someone who has long experience of the job, why would you hire someone who doesn't? I think it makes sense. I know that it seems that nobody will get hired like this, but this is what happens, there are too many people offering and way less people asking for a job so only the best educated and most experienced get the job. Don't you find it natural that you will try to find the best person to share your life with? As I said before, it's different when you haven't gotten married from bad luck or cause you didn't find the right person and it's another thing if you have spent your life changing partners without having in mind to commit with anyone. This is a fact that I would like to know when I meet an interesting man who has never married. The past affects your character and your present and future greatly in my opinion. But I'm not sure if it's really similar living with your mother or your sister and living with your lover. The relatives are people who you know and they know you really good, they forgive you when you do things they don't like or when you annoy them etc and above all they are not people you are "obliged" to spend your life with. A partner on the other side is someone you don't know (most of the times, unless you are friends first or something), you try to show your good self, you compromise with things and learn to accept the other's habits etc. It's not the same thing
sabre80 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 This sounds like my brother. In his 30s. He is the youngest of 4 siblings and after watching all of us get cheated on and every penny squeezed from us in divorce court decided to concentrate on career and finding the right woman. So he never dated in his early 20s. Worked 2 jobs to pay for college (no student loans). Gets a masters in computer science. Makes almost 200k/year has a large house paid off and 2 cars paid off. Cannot find a nice girl. To him they are all skanks that road the dick carousel and or have children already. He doesn't feel he should have to settle for a skank or raise some other dudes child because he was busy making something of himself. He refuses to be the nice guy security blanket that the whores flock to after they get tired of the *******s. For a kid with lack of experience he has a good head on his shoulder about what is what. He's not whiny about it. He gets a lot of dates but refuses to settle.
Iguanna Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 This sounds like my brother. In his 30s. He is the youngest of 4 siblings and after watching all of us get cheated on and every penny squeezed from us in divorce court decided to concentrate on career and finding the right woman. So he never dated in his early 20s. Worked 2 jobs to pay for college (no student loans). Gets a masters in computer science. Makes almost 200k/year has a large house paid off and 2 cars paid off. Cannot find a nice girl. To him they are all skanks that road the dick carousel and or have children already. He doesn't feel he should have to settle for a skank or raise some other dudes child because he was busy making something of himself. He refuses to be the nice guy security blanket that the whores flock to after they get tired of the *******s. For a kid with lack of experience he has a good head on his shoulder about what is what. He's not whiny about it. He gets a lot of dates but refuses to settle. I'm sorry to say but he sounds like a guy that I would prefer to die than date him, especially if he sees all women as whores when he does exactly the same thing - sleep with several people. Being the nice guy isn't something you can decide to be. Yoou either have it inside you or you don't. Apparently he doesn't. 1
ltjg45 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I'm sorry to say but he sounds like a guy that I would prefer to die than date him, especially if he sees all women as whores when he does exactly the same thing - sleep with several people. Being the nice guy isn't something you can decide to be. Yoou either have it inside you or you don't. Apparently he doesn't. I don't see anywhere in that post you quoted that the guy has been sleeping with the women he's dating. This is another big issue I have with women lately: Jumping into assumptions immediately.
soccerrprp Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 most women ive noticed that are still single in there 40s have at least lived together with men. Most have usually lived 3-4 different men. Its almost like being married but with an escape hatch and no vows. Yeah, I agree with this. And many ladies like this are really damaged and cynical. Yup, I've met a couple like this.
CptSaveAho Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I'm sorry to say but he sounds like a guy that I would prefer to die than date him, especially if he sees all women as whores when he does exactly the same thing - sleep with several people. Being the nice guy isn't something you can decide to be. Yoou either have it inside you or you don't. Apparently he doesn't. of course you wouldnt date him, he wouldnt give you the time of day
Babolat Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Man here, 47, divorced 2 times. First time I was married at 22, divorced at 24, I almost do not even count that. 2nd time, married at 35 after 4 years of dating, divorced after 9 years of marriage. I meet women in their 40s, no kids, never married, engagments that did not work out. Who is better/wiser/smarter/healthier? I have 2 failed marriages. They have none. I have been married, they have not. I could argue they are better because they were smart enough, wise enough, to not get married to the wrong person. I could argue they can't commit. Honestly, I don't know. My best female friend is 46, never married, engaged once. I asked her why and she said she keeps ending up with the wrong kind of man. She even says she does not trust her own judgement at this point in her life. I think she is amazing, like WTF is wrong here, though, I have never dated her. 2
RogerWallace111 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 It's worth separating the plain fact of having been married and the idea that that it makes one more sought-after or vouched for. Because, all things equal , I'd think the guy having never been married would be preferable. Wouldn't a woman like knowing she was the first with strong enough appeal to make him settle down? I know when a lot of people supposedly "mature" they can look at romance more objectively and compatibility starts to outweigh passion, but the idea of actually making marriage a one-time thing, should you choose to, is pretty cool. Of course some never-married forty-year-old guys are of that ilk because they have some issues. Doormats, control freaks, the financially doomed. At the same time, you never know what brought about the end of a given divorced dude's marriage(s). If I were a woman my main fear about a never-married guy in his 40s, granted he was generally normal, would be that he was only marrying me because he was getting older. Considering how marriage is increasingly cheapened as an establishment year after year it's too bad if anyone's retaining the same reverence for it as some benchmark achievement.
Babolat Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 so it would appear that a man that's divorced without kids is at the top of the food chain in dating.... That's me, and yes, I have noticed this (not bragging). Though, I have had some woman state they wish I had kids so I could relate. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 ^ Yeah then there's the simple fact that girls are more attracted to guys when they know other women want or have recently wanted them. I guess you can't play down the "vouch" factor of prior relationships in the minds of women.
sabre80 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I'm sorry to say but he sounds like a guy that I would prefer to die than date him, especially if he sees all women as whores when he does exactly the same thing - sleep with several people. Being the nice guy isn't something you can decide to be. Yoou either have it inside you or you don't. Apparently he doesn't. He is a virgin. Saving himself for marriage.
Iguanna Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 I don't see anywhere in that post you quoted that the guy has been sleeping with the women he's dating. This is another big issue I have with women lately: Jumping into assumptions immediately. I'm sorry, maybe my english is not good or I misunderstand something. Doesn't dating someone involve sex? Is it something platonic? Even if he is not sleeping with them this doesn't give anyone the right to call every woman in the world a whore, don't you think? :S 1
fujidabruin Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Man here, 47, divorced 2 times. First time I was married at 22, divorced at 24, I almost do not even count that. 2nd time, married at 35 after 4 years of dating, divorced after 9 years of marriage. I meet women in their 40s, no kids, never married, engagments that did not work out. Who is better/wiser/smarter/healthier? I have 2 failed marriages. They have none. I have been married, they have not. I could argue they are better because they were smart enough, wise enough, to not get married to the wrong person. I could argue they can't commit. Honestly, I don't know. My best female friend is 46, never married, engaged once. I asked her why and she said she keeps ending up with the wrong kind of man. She even says she does not trust her own judgement at this point in her life. I think she is amazing, like WTF is wrong here, though, I have never dated her. Very similar circumstance for me. I am 50, married in early 30's (7 yr) and again at 42 (4 yr), no kids. Surprised the first time did not work and not surprised the 2nd time because we were not right for each other. My close, platonic 44 female friend is still single and never married. We have both had about 7 or 8 LTR's and never intimate with each other and have known one another for over 20 years now. We discuss relationship issues often and both have similar views and continue to work on ourselves. Like Babolat, I have no idea which of us is in a better dating circumstance or who is more eligible. As for finding life partners, we are both open to it and I believe it may have more to do with timing for success in either of our paths.
ponchsox Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Conversely, if you have never married by the time you are 40, that could mean the following: 1) You have never been mature enough to want a committed relationship. 2) You are still a man-child who doesn't know what he wants. 3) You are afraid of commitments, and are selfish. 4) You probably don't like children, or never want any. 5) You are a serial dater, or lifetime bachelor who enjoys freedom more than responsibilities. 6) You have some hidden qualities that drive women away once they get to know you. Of course it's a red flag if a man has never married by the time he's 40. I mean, at a certain age a man would want to share his heart with one woman, and make a family with her. If he hasn't ripen enough by the time he's 40, there must be some arrested development somewhere. I sure wonder what's wrong with a woman who has never married by the time she is 40. What about 7. I haven't met the right person yet? 1
Phantom888 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Yup, all reasonable conclusions to keep in mind. But it applies to women as well. I'm dating a 40-something who's never been married. Engaged once, but never married. I thought some of the same things, but I hit the mother-lode! OP, you need to help dispel some of these things. Good luck! Totally agree. I met a woman online who was 46 and never married. She was HOT and I was wondering why no one has picked up this fine woman? We met, and I was totally attracted to her. The sex was decent, and she was not a complete disappointment. But then I realized, she has been living like a teenager all her life.... no responsibilities, no aspirations, no accomplishments. Once the sex became less exciting, I found myself bored by her... Really nothing to talk about because she knew so little about life at her age.
Phantom888 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Another possibility is that getting married can be considered stupid because it has such a high failure rate and the risk of losing everything is way higher for men than women. Personally, I see an older guy that has never been married and just assume that he's risk aversed. Yes marriage is a high-risk commitment, both emotionally and financially. My divorce costed me $500,000, so I know first hand how much it hurts. Am I afraid of marriage? Hell NO! In fact, I plan to propose marriage to my GF next year. I am so in love with her, and I believe this marriage will be THE ONE. I learned from my mistakes, so I am a much better partner now. A man who is afraid of taking risks is just a coward. Unfortunately, our society is rewarding cowards with accessibility to sex and companionship so that they would not have to take such risks. Such a shame.
Titania22 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm not fussed whether a guy has been married before. I think it's more about whether the guy has had a LTR relationship in his life. I am anti-marriage so regardless of whether a man has been married before, I would be hoping he wouldn't want to get married now.
RonaldS Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I always thought, as I was going through my separation and divorce, being essentially 40 with 3 young kids, that I would be at the absolute bottom rung of the ladder in terms of dating. I figured I was relegated to older divorced women with kids, and didn't think I stood a chance in hell with 25-35 year old, never married/no kids women. Figured I would just be a bad joke. I could not have been more wrong. It's shooting fish in a barrel. I don't really get it, but there must be a lot there that's desirable, because it is absolutely easy pickings.
Author thebt Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 ^ Yeah then there's the simple fact that girls are more attracted to guys when they know other women want or have recently wanted them. I guess you can't play down the "vouch" factor of prior relationships in the minds of women. BINGO!...I don't think women realize how much they do this and mostly without even knowing it. Its a subconscious thing. Ever wonder why your get hit on more, receive more attention and have more options when your dating or in a RL with a women than single? The "sought after" or "pre-approval" thing is alive and valid. That's where the Credentials factor comes in.
PinkInTheLimo Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Totally agree. I met a woman online who was 46 and never married. She was HOT and I was wondering why no one has picked up this fine woman? We met, and I was totally attracted to her. The sex was decent, and she was not a complete disappointment. But then I realized, she has been living like a teenager all her life.... no responsibilities, no aspirations, no accomplishments. Once the sex became less exciting, I found myself bored by her... Really nothing to talk about because she knew so little about life at her age. I wonder what you mean by "living like a teenager" and "no responsibilities, no aspirations, no accomplishments"? I hope you are not referring to the kind of life I have lead so far. I have never been married, I have no kids but I have been working for more than 25 years, the last 16 years in a high-profile job. I went back to university and got a university degree while working fulltime, and I am currently in the process of getting my second university degree all while working. I have a comfortable salary, own my own apartment. I don't have a lot of savings because I love to spoil myself with nice clothes, good food and some travelling. After all, if I don't spoil myself who will? Certainly not my family because I distanced myself from their toxic behaviour. It is true that I live as I please and totally live according to my own rhythm. But that does not mean that the day I meet someone I fall in love me I can't not take his wishes into account. But as long there is noone to make room for in your life, how could you actually make that room?
PinkInTheLimo Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Honestly, I don't know. My best female friend is 46, never married, engaged once. I asked her why and she said she keeps ending up with the wrong kind of man. She even says she does not trust her own judgement at this point in her life. I think she is amazing, like WTF is wrong here, though, I have never dated her. If she is amazing, why don't you date her?
Iguanna Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 she said she keeps ending up with the wrong kind of man. After many failed attempts with different people, if someone keeps on failing and failing, I think it's only mature to assume that it's not others' fault but yours. As I once read, if you find yourself trying different men and failing with the same pattern, you got to thing that the only thing these men have in common is you, so you may want to start wondering if you are to blame for treating men in a specific way or in general how you act rather than blaming the others for being the wrong men. I know this may sound kinda off topic at the moment but I just wanted to comment on it. It's like the joke with the guy who is driving on the subway and he listens on the radio that some mad man is driving on the opposite way on the subway so the drivers should be careful and he thinks "not only one mad man going the opposite way, all people are going the opposite way!", cause it's him going the opposite way and he can't realize it. It's good to consider sometimes that we may be the ones to blame for some wrong things in our lives and try to change them.
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