Men: What not to write to someone on a dating website

[FitChick]

Funny article.

[BlametheIrish]

That was funny

Needed the laugh as Ive been home with bronchitis for a bit now.

 

Some if the most lame messages I've received are:

 

"Hey"

"Hi sexy"

"Hello gorgeous"

"Lets make babies" (wtf!)

Some reference to my tits (which are rather large but not on

Display in my pics)

Something to the effect of " I know I'm ugly but Im loaded"

And lots of romantic crap that seems,as if it were written by a pre teen boy lol.

 

Wish I hadnt deactivated my account so I could find some juicy ones

But alas I found my man on OKC and deactovated my account a week later. In spite of all the perverts, horn dogs, crazies and just plain horrible dating material lies alot of good people looking for their other half

[Keenly]

OLD is awful because a charming and easy to talk to person like myself can't seem to type up a first message to save my life.

[SJC2008]

"You mad bro?" has worked pretty good for me:rolleyes:

[Ninjainpajamas]

I was surprised the messages that women would forward me on OKCupid that they received from men, I was wtf, is this real life?

 

But to give the guys a fair shake, it is quite difficult to be unique and crafty in your messages...I know it isn't easy for most of em, the effort that men have to put into it compared to women is not even comparable by any scale.

 

So don't worry guys, you'll get better at it...my quick advice is to keep it short and don't try too hard.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

LOL @ "The Essay"

 

I imagined Morgan Freeman narrating it.

[MalachiX]

I don't think it's hard to write a good opening. Yes there are tons of d-bags out there who write stupid crap but there are also a ton of charming guys who know their way around a sentence.

 

The problem is that it seems to be luck of the draw (at least in big cities). I know a ton of women who complain about stupid messages but I also know a lot of great/attractive guys (myself included) who write well thought out messages yet get ignored (or worse, have the woman engage in tons of conversation only to disappear when an actual meeting is mentioned).

 

I guess one thing that seems to exhaust me about articles like this is that they seem to give the impression that only women are having a hard time with OLD. Looking at some of OKC's own research, it's actually kind of frightening how low a guy's chances of getting a response are if he's under a certain height (5'9''), under a certain income, or of a certain race (Middle Easterners seem to have it real bad). I get that it sucks to be bombarded with vulgar or lame messages but it also kinda stings to get ignored for a bunch of arbitrary reason because there are way more men than women searching and any little thing seems to throw one out of the running.

 

It seems like every time a guy complains about OLD, he's told to stop whining but articles like this seem to abound on the other side (granted a lot of guys complaining are sexist D-bags). How about we agree that OLD isn't a picnic for anyone and just move on?

[Phantom888]

I guess I am an odd ball dude, because I have never had issues with OLD, and always had responses. I didn't realize women had such an advantage until I read articles about it much later. Always thought it was 50/50 level playing field. Yeah I was pretty ignorant about it. I was on Match. I got dates about 50% of the time I "wink" someone. Not that I'm so fantastic or anything...maybe I'm just lucky? Maybe white women with kids find this Asian single dad absolutely charming or harmless? I don't know. I'm always just honest and straightforward, since I know the whole purpose of this online dating. I basically do my "wink" (on Match). If she winks back, then I just say "hello, your profile is really interesting. I like 80's metal rock also. I'd really like to get to know you. My cell is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Text me and we'll go from there." That's it.

 

My current SO (the love of my life) actually "winked" me first, and commented "nice smile!" I get such comments about a couple of times a week, sometimes more or less. When I saw her picture, I was instantly drawn by those deep blue eyes. Then we started talking... that was 6 months ago.

 

I always wonder why men would say some silly things when they approach a woman. Like a decent woman would seriously reply to some overly sexual first liners?? Or a woman would actually respond to some lame cheesy line? I mean the law of probabilities might come into play.....if you try that 10,000 times you might get a few replies, but that's really a waste of time. I think men should just be honest and straightforward instead of having to act funny when they are clearly not. IMHO.

[Keenly]

Not sure why it's so hard, you mention something they stated in their profile followed by a compliment.

 

 

can't compliment in the first message, its an automatic rejection.

[MalachiX]

I think men should just be honest and straightforward instead of having to act funny when they are clearly not. IMHO.

 

I think there are a ton who are and still don't get results.

 

I'm sure it's great to have some good luck and I certainly understand if you've been fortunate that you come to think everyone is as lucky. Look at some surveys though or even just talk to a lot of people on these boards and you'll find that there are plenty of great guys who send straightforward messages and still end up in the cold in OLD.

 

Maybe certain communities are easier to get noticed in than others but I've lost count of the friends I've had who I've seen find successful relationships with smart and attractive women in the real world who strike out online.

 

I don't think there's something wrong with them that is the reason for their lack of success and I know for a fact that they're not d-bags who write stupid/lame/vulgar messages.

[Kate9292]

OLD is awful because a charming and easy to talk to person like myself can't seem to type up a first message to save my life.

 

Maybe you're overestimating your charm then?

 

Article is spot on. I had enough of "Hi" and overtly sexual ones when I had OLD account. Heck, I still have it. I'm gonna log in and see, how flooded my inbox is. Probably with "hi"s and overly sexual messages indeed.

 

And OMG@"bunny boiler"

Edited November 17, 2013 by Kate9292

[ponchsox]

A nice compliment (not creepy) like "you look amazing in that dress" can go a long way. Also, if you are interested in actually getting to know a woman in OLD, read her entire profile and talk about a place she's traveled to or an interest she has. Women can tell if a man is just trolling for sex or actually has the potential to be a good guy.

[Johnson1]

A funny first message I got: He told me he wanted to "lift me high above the crowd by my waist and celebrate me". He also said he wanted to "French kiss my greatness in public." LOL.

 

Still, doesn't those comments kinda fall into the cheezy dept? Yea, I can see how it would be funny, but isn't some kind of substance in a man important to a women who's looking for a guy online?

[Johnson1]

This is why I don't particularly like dating sites. If you can't find the perfect line that'll catch a woman's attention, then you're wasting your time.

 

What I'm curious to know is, how does a guys looks play a factor in whether or not a woman overlooks if what he says isn't exactly perfect? Be honest ladies.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Vocals5

[Johnson1]

Now you asking silly questions

 

1. if she finds you attractive then she responds to your message

2. if she is not attracted to you then she will not respond to your message

 

I don't think it's silly. What's silly about asking how much a guys looks override what he says? If he says something kinda on the dumb side, but she thinks he's hot, she'll still respond?

[Johnson1]

YES. If he is HOT and says something dumb then she views him as HOT and SILLY

 

Thanks for being honest.

 

It's funny the double standard that exists between men and women.

If a guy responded to a woman because she was hot, overlooking what she says, he'd be accused of being shallow. Men aren't afforded that luxury, even though in hindsight (and I'm sure most women would agree), women are more beautiful than men. It's tough for us guys. Thank God I'm attractive enough to where I don't have to worry about what I say. ......jk

 

I'm probably the most humble person you'd ever meet.

[Esoteric Elf]

The best line of the article is the third line: "As a woman you get bombarded with emails, and as a man you're expected to write interesting enough openers to distinguish yourself from the crowd, so that you have a decent shot getting a reply."

 

That being said, girls respond differently to different messages. A friend of mine sends nonsense and can get responses (typing random letters like so: lajfowuefljwiofeajdfsioju). Also,other factors, such as the presentation of a profile, contributes to the response rate: the message is half the consideration, if that.

[Johnson1]

And don't expect any women on here to agree with this statement, it's supposed to be secret

 

LOL, okay.

[serial muse]

Also what not to do:

 

9,210 posts on a relationship help site.

 

Red flag, maybe.

--->

"You mad bro?"

 

 

 

 

How about we agree that OLD isn't a picnic for anyone and just move on?

 

Agreed. (ten chars)

[musemaj11]

If you are a handsome guy, a "Hey" works just fine.

[Esoteric Elf]

The problem is too many people take OLD too seriously. The woman you are writing can already be seeing someone so it doesn't matter what you send her lol

lol, just correct "the woman" to "all women" and you are spot on.

[Esoteric Elf]

are u bored?

No, I just came from a bicep workout and am about to turn in after a long day...I had to open the store this morning, something I am not accustomed to since I always (I kid you not) close the store.

 

Why do you inquire?