He just doesn't have time for me

[LeXii]

So my boyfriend of 3 years and I just got back together after being broken up for 2 months. He initially left me for reasons that are still kind of unclear but has since done everything he can to prove that things will be better this time. He's been treating me like a princess and everything's been perfect except that he's always soo busy.

 

It's always been a problem in our relationship and I hate thinking that I'm going back into something that might be doomed to fail because he simply doesn't have time for a girlfriend. Between school, a bunch of freelance graphic design projects, step team practice, and being an active member of two fraternities he's never home and I don't typically hear from him during the day. When we first started trying to work things out he usually texted me or called me once or twice during the day and got home around 10 or 11.

 

But now it's gone right back to hearing nothing from him until 1 or 2am most nights, and sometimes those calls are just to let me know that he's going to be out all night and he'll call me the next night and every year he promises to be less busy the next year. I fully understand that that's his life right now and I'm not going to demand that he stop doing whatever he's doing just to make time me but it gets really annoying. I also absolutely hate not being able to sleep for worrying about him (especially when I work early morning shifts), it makes me feel clingy and dependent and tempts me to emotionally withdraw from the situation.

 

When I do, he always notices and says something like "it just doesn't feel like you love me the way you used to, am I doing something wrong?" I guess I just need some help figuring out what to do with my feelings. I really do want to be happy with him again.

Edited November 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HorseLuck]

I'm sorry, I don't have much advice.

 

This was a problem with my ex as well. I eventually would emotionally withdraw and it only made things worse. Didn't want to come across as needy because he has his life, but I was starting to feel like a last priority. Gave him his space but it led to me acting distant and resentment added up. If this is starting to be a problem, you need to speak up and not fear how he's going to interpret it. I doubt he would think you're needy, especially since this is the bare minimum we're talking about.

 

Make a plan to sit down with him, try to devise a schedule for communication. It doesn't have to be much..something like at least one phone call a day for 10-30 minutes, or a text at night letting you know he's ok. If he doesn't want to call because he's burned out on some days, it's understandable. Really though, you need to feel that he's making the effort.

 

As for the anxiety while he's out late..you need to refocus that nervous energy. Read, listen to music, whatever you have to do to minimize the fear. It will eat you alive. If I may ask though, what is he doing out all night?

Edited November 17, 2013 by HorseLuck

[todreaminblue]

difficult situation sort of a long distance relationship but ...but without distance.....i would treat it as such, i would make any time spent together quality time and keep busy when you dont see him .............tire yourself out...

 

 

 

plan time that you do spend together carefully and make it special........do try not to shut down( i am that type too) ...open up, broaden the opportunities to use your imagination.......and make the times spent together a blast for both...your fave places fave food fave activities..

 

 

 

this busy period may end soonish.....nothing lasts forever, trials i mean......so go into it like there is a light at the end of the road.....and make your journey to that light.....fun for both of you....quality vs quantity for the moment..even then,once you have quantity you will want to haqve that quality time as well, you will want to keep it that way....dont shut down........... best wishes.... .deb

[LeXii]

Thanks for the advice guys and to answer your question horseluck, most week nights he's studying and practicing and on weekends he's partying. I don't know everything about what he does because it's too much to keep track of but it all sounds very important to him.