deponie12 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I dated a guy for three years, and it was all a big sham. I learned he was a player, all through the three years he was secretly sexting strangers from Craigslist and other dating sights. He would ask for pictures and then use them to whack off. ( don't ask how I found out, I had a feeling something was a bit off with him, and I discovered it all on his phone and email) Which leads me to our offical break up- Nov 5th-- I found out he had been on Match.com and has been seeing someone for a few months. I found out because my brother called me telling me that he and his wife had a double date planned with one of his wife's friends that had a new boyfriend she wanted them to meet..... it was MY boyfriend! They quickly declined the dinner invite ( after learning from my sister in law that her friend met him on Match.com... I wanted to throw up!) I called him, and screamed and cursed, it was all over..... I blocked him from my texts, calls, emails, you name it. Last time I caught him on craigslist looking at naked woman he deeply apologized and my stupid ass took him back, we fought over trust issues over and over.... this time I AM DONE! He use to lure me back in with his smooth sexy talking ways, but I will never go back. Today I am depressed because I allowed myself three years with a narcissist and I really thought he loved me. With this being the holidays I am depressed, I shopped today and I heard Christmas music and ended up leaving the store in tears. Ugh.... I hurt so bad. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks!
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Wow..I'm so sorry that you're going through that. I can't even imagine the betrayal that you feel. That is something nobody should ever have to put up with from someone that they love and claims to love them. The good news is that you now know what's going on, as much as it hurts, you know. You no longer need to wonder what he's up to and think about something being off. You KNOW. Now you can slowly put the pieces back together and start to rebuild yourself. Learn from this as much you possibly can, that will come in time. This guy is a complete ********* and he doesn't deserve you, never have never will. Post your thoughts and feelings here as often as needed, you will get some wonderful support. Take care of yourself and stay strong! 2
Author deponie12 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Thank you guys. I have been in such a fog. I was in denial for so long. I should have trusted my gut feeling about him 2 years ago when I came across his email and seeing him exchanging nude pictures of him for pics of women. He even shared a video with a woman of him masturbating. That was two years ago! I was so "in love" I forgave him and then we argued most of the time over trust issues. I even went to therapy, my therapist send it sounds like he has a huge porn addiction. He would rather rub my body and stroke his on penis than to actually make love. He had a hard time getting hard, and after much research that problem arises after excessive porn addiction. I always swept it under the rug, loved him anyway..... He became verbally abusive too. When I would accuse him of sexting others he would call me a f u c k i n g b i t c h and all sorts of things that hurt. Still, I would go back. What a waste of my three years. I sit here more mad at myself, and I am crushed I got hurt over and over. Tonight is his "date" that should have been with my brother and sister in law, they canceled, so I am sure they are out together somewhere, I guess he swept her off her feet like he did me three years ago..... thanks for letting me vent here. It's helpful to get all this out.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Whoa wtf this guy is seriously messed up. I predict anger as the main emotion you'll be feeling for a while. On the bright side it's easier when you're angry at them. Still sucks though I hope you'll get through it sooner than later. Is this your first relationship orr?
Author deponie12 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 No, I was married for 12 years, so was he. He was coming out of a bad divorce ( which now I wonder if she wasn't as crazy as he made her out to be!) I thought that I could change his ways, I have know him since high school. We re connected on Facebook in 2009, I should have ran fast after he asked me for a naked picture when I was out with my friends one night. We were "just friends" re connecting on FB at the time, he begged me for a pic of my boobs, so I sent it... ugh....... after a few chats, we started to see each other in 2010......
jessiej Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 First off, I am so sorry for everything that you are going through!! I know kind of what your going through! A month ago my relationship ended with the guy I was with for 3 years too! He was a total jerk, a liar and a cheater. He ended up dumping me over the PHONE. I know how it feels to have felt like you wasted three years of your life with such a total and complete ass. But it is not time wasted!! You learned very valuable lessons that will help you choose a better man next time! I want to say great job with breaking up with him!! Many girls do not have the strength to do that, so that is awesome of you!! And also with the no contact, I know it is the hardest thing because you are so use to talking to him all of the time, but I promise you it gets better. I am doing NC, and have been for about 3 weeks, and let me tell you it gets so much easier! It has given me time to reflect on how he is such a bad person, I don't even feel the need to talk to someone, hes not worth my time. And this guys is deffinitly not worth yours!! I'm not going to lie, somedays it still hurts. Some days I'll be driving and a song will come on and i'll just cry. But things get better. Overall stay strong!! It's HIS loss NOT YOURS!! whatever you do, do NOT take this guy back! You deserve so much better. Going through this will make you a stronger person, and I promise if you get through this, you WILL get better. And be so glad it never worked out with him, when you find someone who treats you right.
denxnis Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 That's a nasty way to break-up. After reading through so many break-ups and talking to so many friends I'm pretty convinced that once someone cheats in a relationship the odds of things actually working out in the long haul are VERY VERY slim if not impossible. Sorry you had to find out that way... 1
Author deponie12 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Thank you so much JessieJ! 3 years is a long time. We would talk all day long, it's a hard habit to break, makes me wonder how he had all this extra time to chat and sext online with others.. he creeps me out. The person I fell in love with must have been an illusion, he is NOT who I met 3 years ago. day #11 was hard... it was that darn Christmas music at the store, I came home a cried for an hour.
jessiej Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 no problem! I feel the same way! I talked to my guy allll day long and we spent every day and night together, it is VERY hard getting use to being alone and not having that person that you call whenever somethings happens, even if its small. It sucks! But it passes with time, and you will eventually not even feel the need to talk to him at all! In the meantime, stay as busy as possible!! Go out with your girlfriends as much as you can! And I feel the same way. The man he is now, is NOT who he was before. And overall we have to deal with men as they are, not as what we think they COULD be, or the illusion that we had once hoped they would be. Most often we are blinded by love.
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