Obli86 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Hi everyone, I really need some kind of advice or inputs on this matter. Not sure if I posted the correct place, but anyway here it goes: I have been with a great guy for good 6 months, and I am totally in love with him! And everything has been fine between us, except one minor incident in the beginning.... Until 3 weeks ago, where everything just changed to the worse. He was here to see me 4 weeks ago - we live a few hours apart. We had a great, cozy weekend and he left after the weekend ended. The following week he started to act kinda strange. I felt like he was pushing me away. Anywho, I didn't put too much in it, until friday came. I asked him what the problem was, and he told me that he was just stressed and didn't really felt like talking about it. I insisted, and he asked me, if I still communicate with my ex (apparently he was looking through my phone, while he was here). I said no, not really. Not thinking that a month before him and I were texting about some practical things, he wanted to know. So suddenly I had become a liar, which I apologized. He said, he could not be with someone who lies. I didn't really know how to react, so we discussed a bit. He told me to leave him alone, and then he would get back to me when he had his time alone. I didn't have any problem with that at all. I was sad, cause he didn't wanna talk to me, but I thought to myself that it would be over soon, so we could solve the problem. But.... 5 days later, I hadn't heard from him yet. By that time I was so worried, confused and sad, I tried to contact him through texting. I asked him what exactly was going on, cause I felt kinda lost not knowing anything. He wrote me back that he needed time for himself, and what happened, happened at the wrong time. He said, he had too many things to worry about with himself and talking to me now would make it worse, cause he will put all his anger on me. Furthermore, he said that he would call me at one point and that he still has feelings for me. But he can't handle those feelings for me and himself too right now. And if I think it was worth waiting for, I should wait. He told me that nothing matters to him at the moment - work, money, women... everything! I said to him, I don't wanna push him into anything that he is not ready for and that I am here waiting anytime he feels ready to contact me. Now I haven't talked to him for 3 weeks. We only texted this one time, and that's 2 weeks ago now. I really love him, and this situation has really made me realize how much I love him and need him in my life. However, I am just so worried about how he feels. If he is just gonna dump me after putting me on standby, or if he is willing to solve this? I am ready to do anything, and I don't have a problem with waiting. But it's getting too much now, cause I sit here lost and get all sort of crazy thoughts in my head! I have written him a couple of times on phone and FB, but without any response. I don't want to be intruding on him, but still I am eager to know what exactly is going on. Cause really, I don't see I am to be blamed for all this? And then again, am I really to be blamed for all this? I know he has some personal issues, and he also sees a therapist. But I am not really into it, cause it's some things that goes back in his past. He has been acting weird on me sometimes before, where he one minute is happy, and then the next minute, he doesn't wanna talk to me or becomes very rude on me, without any reason. So right now even daily routines have become an obstacle for me. I can't concentrate, sleep well, eat properly, I'm unmotivated, I forget things and my mind is just completely f*cked up from this! I am really losing it Some advice or inputs, please? Thanks
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 At best as I can figure, your new guy things two things: that you are back with your EX or at least want to be and you're a liar. If he even gives you the chance & at the six month mark of an LDR many people won't because to some it's just not worth the trouble, you will have a hard road to win back his trust. In an LDR trust is everything & if your EX is closer then the new guy is probably worried. What did the texts say? If they were even remotely flirty, I don't think the new guy will come back. Sorry.
Author Obli86 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 The texts were nowhere close to being flirty! He asked me of some insurance things, very random. If there was any flirty things in it, I could understand that he would be extremely upset and just leave me like that! Yeah, I was dishonest about it cause it wasn't really important to me those texts. Which was also the reason why they were still there and not deleted. I see now that it was completely stupid of me. But it should be something that can be solved, I believe. My guy always tells his mind, and I am just thinking that if he really wanted to just dump me like that, he would have told me straight! My ex has a girlfriend and live far from me.... And my guy talks to his ex. But his excuse is that she is far away from him and married, so that should be ok. It was not so much that it was my ex, I texted with. It was the fact that I lied about it. I understand it! And I don't expect that he should just trust me again like that. I want things to go slow, likewise he, and from there on see what we can do. Whether we are going to be together or start out as friends. All I need now is just to talk to him about everything to see where we both stands, but when that happens, I have no idea... Btw, thanks for quick response
Lemonitaz Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Honestly from your description, I think he was looking for a way out of the relationship. First of all, I find it unacceptable of him to go rifling through your phone and then confront you on what he found. It sounds like they were innocent texts and you provided a plausible explanation. It should have just been left at that. If he didn't want you talking to your ex AT ALL, he could have just said so at that time, case closed. I find his response to be a overreaction. Doesn't want to talk about it at all, and doesn't return your texts/FB messages? No, that's not how someone who really likes the relationship acts. His response should have been to not even confront you at all, or if he did confront you to just talk about the issue and his expectations going forward re: contact with your ex. There's NO reason why you shouldn't be "allowed" to talk with your ex, provided there's no extenuating circumstances. Easier said than done, but I predict it's time to move on. Even if he did call you back at this point, I would be highly skeptical of jumping back in that relationship, as his reaction just does not sound right to me.
Author Obli86 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 Thanks for response, Lemonitaz. I agree. He is overreacting too much! That is also why I am suspecting that there's more to everything than just what he thinks I have done. He apparently has alot of unsolved issues with himself. His excuse for looking into my phone was that I was behaving weird with my phone? How you do that, I have no clue about, since my phone was not in use when he was here. Anyway, I just need to talk to him about everything, sooner or later, and the see what he has decided. I just can't move on without doing that. But yeah, I just have to deal with whatever happens. I can only do my best to show how I feel about him. Lets see how it goes!
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