Sasa123 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I've read a couple of places that limited contact is the best way, if you're hoping for reconciliation. What's your take on LC? And in what way? I mean, how is it working?
2fargone Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I've read a couple of places that limited contact is the best way, if you're hoping for reconciliation. What's your take on LC? And in what way? I mean, how is it working? Didn't work for me. Only made things worse. Yes we had nice talks, initiated by her. Yes she missed me and loved me. Yes while saying that she also has a new bf...
r321148 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 You do what's best for you. There is no "best way" for reconciliation. Sometimes Low Contact might work but it depends on them and you. If they want space then you keep contacting them even at low frequency, it will make things worse. If you are at a stage where contact from you is always needy and desperate sounding then it will make things worse (note: your contact might not seem needy and desperate to you but if you are still clinging to a dead relationship they will pick up on it and it will seem that way to them no matter how well you think you hide it). In both of those cases you need to go for no contact until you're both in a better place for reconciliation (which you have to be aware may be never) If you're both in a good place for some light communication then sure go for it. Just be aware that being in light communication doesn't make him/her "yours". They are still your ex and you don't really have any right to flip out if they start seeing someone else.
greenfairie Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 If the other person wants that too, then sure. But if you guys are on two different pages like one wanting to work things out versus one still feeling bitter/resentment towards the breakup, then no…. The person needs time to heal so by the time he/she gets healed 100 percent then there's a chance for that…
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 If you want reconcilliation I would say a full court press is best. Actions speak louder than words & you have to show the other person why continuing the relationship is best. However, if they really want out, the default is always that the relationship is over. NC should be employed by the heartbroken person to find the time & space to heal. It can be impossed by the dump-or for the heartbroken person's own good -- to stop the full court press because there is no hope of reconciliation & the heartbroken person needs to stop holding on to false hope.
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 If you want reconcilliation I would say a full court press is best. Actions speak louder than words & you have to show the other person why continuing the relationship is best. However, if they really want out, the default is always that the relationship is over. NC should be employed by the heartbroken person to find the time & space to heal. It can be impossed by the dump-or for the heartbroken person's own good -- to stop the full court press because there is no hope of reconciliation & the heartbroken person needs to stop holding on to false hope. Yup. I can tell most people try NC because they see it as a strategy to get their ex back which just means they don't get the point and they won't get their ex back. Here's why "limited contact" is a terrible idea: how much is too much? how long should I wait? What do his/her words mean? Are they moving on faster than me? Quite frankly, a person who lingers around and puts an ex above themselves is unattractive to not just your ex but everyone. 2
BC1980 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I would be really careful with LC as a strategy to get an ex back. You are already emotionally in a bad place, but playing mind games takes it to another level. You have to decide how much you want to demean yourself by hanging onto someone. I'm saying all of this as a person who tried LC, and it did work to gain the ex's interest. However, he didn't want to reconcile in the end. He said "not now, maybe later." So it really ended up setting me back actually. I recommend NC for a long time. Then, if you want to revisit the relationship at some future date, go for it then. You really need NC to address your grief and deal with why the breakup happened, make some peace with it. That's nearly impossible if you are playing games with an ex. Without NC, you would go back into a broken relationship as a broken person. Until NC, I had no idea how many emotions I wasn't processing. Now, I see that it's best for me to go through these emotions and come out on the other side. So if I do get another chance, I would be in a better place.
Author Sasa123 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I still don't feel ready for any kind of contact with my ex. I'm too hurt, and I know it would end any good if I contacted him. He said he had feelings for me, but thought it was too soon after our old relationship and the old (hurt) feelings were still there (Although he was the dumper). He also said he has his doubts about if we're good for each other and that I have too many feelings compared to him. This all shows that I have to stay in NC, but I've just wondered if LC was a possibility along the way.
tjr Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 LC is quite painful imo. I work with my ex and even though the breakup wasnt on bad terms, there were other factors that caused extra issues. For the first 2 weeks we still did many "regular" work things, but then he stopped the breaks after he gave me back the house keys, because he saw how deep that hurt even though i was fighting it. Then for the next 2 months, i had to keep myself under complete check lol, while he was still in "i dont know phase". Part of the issue was outside influence and he was/is in denile about that. But the reality is he let that push us apart. Anyways there was a day around 3 months that i felt he was done with even entertaining the idea. Im not sure why or really what changed other than i do know he let the outside influence take over his life. Hes lost a good portion of his friends and family from it. And now is starting to suffer some health issues, which are most likely stress related. LC is hard to keep a good balance specially if you want to re-connect. On the otherside he has also started to pick up his contact and bring up a few things from the relationship. But at this point all that is useless. So even positives causes suffering. The way I deal with it at this point is to keep myself out of the equation as much as i can. That when hes in ignore phase, its not from what i did/didnt do. That even when he is showing positive behavior , to not get too excited and read anything into it.
todreaminblue Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 when you break up with a person if you still have feelings its horrendous to do the limited contact gauntlet, its better to go full nada zip no contact..... heal and have no plans whatsoever of getting back together or trying to make things work...they didnt work the first time unlikely to be better the second time around ......being friends while harboring strong feelings, yeah well, catastrophe in the making with limited contact full no contact until you find a place where you arent hurt every time you see them....if you feel that sting when they talk to you.......you aren't at a good place for limited contact......best wishes...deb
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