Desperately need on this one, !

[Hockeystar2020]

Hey guys, this is my first post on here, and I have a question that I've been searching for online to get some kind of advice, but only find bits and pieces that fit my situation. It's a long story, so sorry in advance for the novel, I just need to know what to do here.

First off, I am a 26 year old Restaurant Manager that just relocated from New Mexico, to Southwest Florida to take over a General Manager Position with my company in January. I know no one here, and the hours I put in make it extremely difficult to go out and meet someone. My company has an extremely strict fraternization policy with the hourly employees, so I can't even hang out with them. With that being said, I have always been extremely compliant with this, and would never risk my job for anything.

About three months ago, my father had a near fatal stroke, so I had to take some leave and fly home to New Mexico, just in case. My father turned out fine, and I was able to come back to Florida. The night I got in, I checked my facebook and one of my 19 year old hostesses had messaged me saying that she heard why I had to leave for the weekend and she hoped I was ok. I replied to her, that while I appreciate her support, that as I've said before I was not allowed to talk to my employees outside of work. She persisted and said I could trust her and that she would never sell me out or tell anyone we were talking, and not knowing anyone in the area, I really needed someone to talk to, so I accepted. About a week went by and she confessed that she had a crush on me.

I've always thought this girl was super attractive, and I have always loved talking to her, but her being my employee, and the fact that she is 19 made being anything more than Employee/Manager impossible. I told her just that, and she understood. We kept talking as friends, and actually secretly hung out together a couple times, and as much as I tried to fight it, I developed feelings for her. Being the honest upfront guy I am, I told her how I felt. She replied she felt the same, but she was trying to figure her life out and wasn't ready for a relationship yet and plus we worked together, but she wanted to keep talking and see where things went. I agreed and we kept talking, and hanging out every once in a while, and she continued to flirt with me over text. One night we hung out and I realized that everytime we hung out she showed absolutely no interest in anything more than friends, I mean no signs on even wanting to get close to me or anything. If we hadn't already talked about it, I wouldn't think she had any romantic feelings for me at all. So after she left, I called her out on it, and she said that that is just how she is, she doesn't make it obvious she likes people in person, and she said she's thought about kissing me, but that would make things complicated and we should just stay friends for now. That being said, I know that being "just friends" with feelings involved doesn't work, so I told her that we should end this before things go bad, cause I wasn't ok with just being her friend, and go back to Manager/Employee. She said she understood and she'd be there if I needed her.

I fully intended on following through with it, and didn't text her the next day, even after she text me three or four times. Finally on the fifth text I told her that we had agreed to stop talking, and she got really upset. I tried again the next day and the same thing happened. Finally, I had to call and talk to her about something work related and we got into it and she told me that she hated not talking to me and she needs me in her life, and I agreed to try just friends.

This worked for maybe a couple days until one of my female bartenders was joking with me one day and kind of flirting and, she saw that and got really upset. I told her she had no right to be mad about something like that because she doesn't want me in any kind of relationship way, and she said it still hurts cause she does have feelings for me and gets jealous, and does want me, but just not right now. I gave in to talking to her again, and she would continue to tell me how much she liked me, and everytime I would say, well lets try and make this work, "the I don't want a relationship" line would pop up again. Everytime she would say that I would tell her we can't just be friends cause with feelings involved it would get ugly, so let's cut this off. And sure enough, just like the sucker I am, she would always get upset the next day and say she should quit cause I wasn't responding and I would give in, and then she would get jealous when I would even talk to another girl. This circle of events continued happening for about another month until it got really bad, and we started fighting at work. We both agreed that we couldn't do it anymore because it was effecting work.

Sure enough, the next day, even after her saying she didn't wanna continue this, she started texting me again causing another fight, and saying that it's ridiculous that we can't talk, and that she wanted to quit, so that we could see where things went. I told her that it wasn't necessary, we just have to let eachother go. She wouldn't stop persisting until I gave in again, and sure enough, she got upset and jealous over another innocent talk with one of my servers.

Finally, that night we talked on the phone, and we had a heart to heart about why she didn't think she was ready for a relationship, and if it upset her that much I would even talk to other girls, we might as well be together if she felt that strongly. She told me that she just felt she needed to figure her life out and that she was afraid of what her parents might say about our age difference. I told her that she's making up fears that don't even exist yet, and a relationship is about helping eachother through issues in their lives, and I could help her figure out what she wanted to do with hers. She agreed and told me that she wanted to quit and find another job, and she wanted to give it a try. I told her to take her time, and make sure this is what she wanted cause I don't want her changing her mind and hurting me later. She said she wasn't going to because she saw things a lot clearer now.

She found a new job and quit that morning. A day went by and everything seemed great, no fighting, we were talking like normal and everything was fine. The next morning was the same, and we both had the day off, so she asked if she could see me. She came over, and even after all of my calling her out on acting like she's not interested when we are alone together, she still acted the same, just sat next to me and didn't react to me touching her leg, or trying to get closer. We even took a drive, and I tried to hold her hand, and she didn't pull away, but she didn't hold it back either. Finally, I had to take her back to her car because I got called into work, and she was supposed to come back over when I was done. She claimed she got a headache and couldn't come back over, and after all of this I started to have some doubts about her going through with giving us a shot. I asked her why she liked me and wanted to be with me, and she just said that I make her happy and always make her smile and laugh. I asked if that was it, and she just said, "I know I want to be with you, but I just want you when it's going to work out, and it's definitely not right now". I got mad and told her that she can't keep going back and forth, and playing hot and cold, and that we obviously were not going to work, because if she really liked me and wanted to be with me, she would just do it and not risk losing me, and she just said that she's sorry. I told her that I need my space and could maybe try and be friends again once I got over her, and she agreed.

Sure enough next day, she was texting me up over and over again, and I called her and we had it out about the whole thing, and she just couldn't understand why I felt that way. I told her it was because I couldn't trust her anymore because she kept changing the way she feels about the situation and I just can't do it anymore. The next day she texts me that she is bad at not talking to me and she thinks she's addicted to me, and I finally gave in and decided that I would just try being her friend, and it actually went well for the rest of the day. I decided to go out with some friends, and she knew there were girls there, and she started to get jealous over text. I just ignored it, thinking that maybe I was just reading into it to much. This morning she text me saying "Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know I'm at work". I just text her back like normal, and eventually we just stopped talking. I text her to have a goodnight, and she just wrote back "k bye".

This girl is confusing me, and while she is my silver lining in a town that I feel so foreign in, I have just never experienced this before. It's all new to me and I don't know how to play it. I've never had a girl that says she's crazy about me, but just wants to be friends, but get's upset when I'm around other girls, and when I try to end it, she wont' let it happen. I've also never fallen for someone this young before. I just need some advice on what to do. I really would like to be with her, but maybe I'm just blinded by what I feel for her. Is there anyway I can salvage this and make her realize what she's doing, and give this a try, because talking to her about it sure hasn't helped. Or should I just give up on her, and just completely ignore her. Again, I want to be with her, I just don't know how to get there, or if it's to late, or if she's just leading me on. Please don't flame me to hard, as I've dated plenty and been in plenty of healthy relationships, but have just never dealt with something like this. I know I've made some mistakes on dealing with this situation, and I get that, but now I'm just trying to see if there's a possibility I can do something to get her to commit. Please, any advice would be amazing right about now! Thanks in advance.

 

P.S: Another thing that is really bothering me about this, is that the only physical contact we've had is three hugs that I've initiated and each one she gave me either the ass out hug, or the side hug. I called her out on this and she said she doesn't even know she is doing it, and she'll give me the best hug she can the next time I see her, but sure enough she does the same thing. I also told her before she came over one night I was going to try and kiss her and she replied "hahaha ok!", so as she was leaving I did, and her lips where tight and she just seemed not interested. Everytime I call her out on it, she won't admit to it and just says that's just the way she is, and I should keep trying because she never makes the first move. She's just completely different over text, saying she'll be all over me next time she sees me, and we've even talked about having sex, and what I like in the bedroom, but as soon as we are together, she's cold. This girl is confusing!

Edited November 16, 2013 by Hockeystar2020

[madjac74]

OMG! Wall of text....but the few sentences I read, she is playing you. She isn't interested but she like the attention and will keep you close