Meg020592 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Ive been dating this guy sense june 2012. We moved in together, I wanna say, 2-3 months after dating. He didn't like the place I was living before, house was in horrible condition because of roommates and their 8+ cats. Anyway, we lived together under his fathers roof for about 7-8 months then moved in with his friend who later was arrested (2-3 in new house)drug related. We moved back to his fathers house until june 2013. where we moved into another house with other roommates. He has no job, hasn't had a "real" job the whole time we have been dating, in that case, yes I have been paying for rent, utilities, and other expences the whole time as well. He has a felony and is on probation. Has restitution to pay off. He donates plasma to pay that off. I have told him MANY times to get job applications wherever he goes but he doesn't. Ive brought him a few but they end up being floor mats in my car. Even the roommates have offered to help him find a job. I feel that he doesn't want a job or thinks every employer wont hire him because of the foleny, so he just doesn't try. He has all day to use my car but chooses not to job hunt. I even mentioned college, about applying for a wielding program, his excuse was "theres a year waiting list". Over the last year ive been really wanting a place to my self, no roommates. Ive looked and places I can afford by my self wont accept foleny renters. we cant even move to a neighboring state because of his foleny, no plane rides either so no actual vacation. its emotionally stressing. The last few months its been really clicking that we are two different people and that I want to go places and do things but I cant because of his foleny. The last 7 months we haven't been intimate at all. Im to the point where I envy single people and their freedom. And simply being able to do what I want. I have no friends and have choose not to gain any because they would mostly be guys and he doesnt like that, ive already lost a friend because he gets mad when i talk to him.. Ive tried having girls as friends but im honestly sick of the constant drama ect.. that comes with being a girl. Plus the way I think is much older then my actual age. Im 21 almost 22, I dont drink or go to clubs, im 110% drug free. (Even in high school). He is 24, would drink and smoke if he wasn't on probation. (has done it while on probation, he sat in jail for 2 days). The one thing that will hurt me the most is if I break it off, he is just going to move back to his dads house where he is unhappy. I do know its not my responsiblility for his happiness or my fault for him not having any self goals. I just want him to be able to see and understand where im coming from when I decided to tell him I want out. I cant handle supporting him. I feel that its just to much, im not working this hard to have nothing to show for. I cant save any money because all of it is going to bills. Little over a week ago I was called in for a housing interview, the man there said that if my boyfriend was on the application, it would be denied until 2 years after his off probation, which would be 2018. I have this opportunity thats so close it make my anxiety rise when I think about it. I want him to realize what he is putting on my shoulders and be content with my decision on moving into a place where he cant stay and be understanding of my choice of wanting out. I know he is still in love with me, its by the way he acts and whatnot. its the longest relationship ive been in. (Sorry for about it being really long)
Trimmer Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Why do you want to "slowly show him..."? It sounds like you've made a decision (or nearly so.) There's no good reason to drag it out. 2
kassy Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Maybe dumping him would ultimately be helpful to him as he would have to stand on his own too feet. You sound unhappy, I mean except for everything else you have no sexual relationship with him. Why not break up with him. Do both of you a Favour. Go make some friends. Go have fun, travel and move into your own place and save some money. Don't drag it out, just break up with him
Author Meg020592 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 I have asked him what is going to happen if I do get a place via housing, all he says is "I dont know" A small reason to why I want to slowly open his eyes is because my roommates judge and I would like to be able to move and be single in the same time period. I dont want to stay at my roommates that long after we split, they will be asking a bunch of questions and chatting like its a big deal. And if the breakup is mutual, I understand that I shouldnt care what others think, I just hate the drama they bring. If I dont get that place ill be stuck at the same house, still not being able to save cuz of high bills. Theres no way I can save 2k in a short time to fined a different place that is section 8 approved. I also know that happiness is the key to success. I want to be hapy with myself before anything else and im not. Thank you for replying.
Johnson1 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) Look, I have a daughter your age who is now pregnant with her first child. She also was living in section 8 housing with her husband, but he tries to do what's right, isn't a criminal, and who cares about my daughter. I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell her if she was in your situation. Dump him! Like Kassy said, it'll be the best thing for him and will light a fire under his a** to straighten himself out. If you hang on he'll continue on being the same way. He's a sinking ship and is going to bring you down with him. You have no reason to feel guilty because he made nothing of his life to support you. If he really loves you he'd stop doing dumb sh** and straighten himself out and give you a good life. Don't let anyone ruin your life because of their actions. You're still young, you have plenty of time to find someone ten times better, just don't sell yourself short. Edited November 16, 2013 by Vocals5 2
soccerrprp Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Don't do it slowly. You need to move on now. 1
truth_seeker Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I just want him to be able to see and understand where im coming from He won't. Why are you with this loser? Stop feeling bad for him and think about yourself. Date a guy who has his sh-t together and not a low life who is making you unhappy. 2
SoleMate Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 The time to break up and move on is now. I think you KNOW that, you're just worried about the discomfort and awkwardness and blowback. I suggest just acknowledging that there will inevitably be some awkward and unpleasant scenes, and just accept that. Treat him with dignity, don't demean or attack him - partly for him but even more so for your safety and comfort. Just move on. Do NOT miss out on your housing opportunity because of this individual. (I was about to say "boat anchor" but that is an example of something I wouldn't want you to say in this situation. It doesn't help with your goal of moving on.)
M30USA Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Honesty and direct communication is always the right path. Wouldn't you expect the same from him?
joystickd Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Why do women want to take the socially conventional route and do it slowly hoping the man will catch the hint? Just be honest with him and yourself and just tell him it's over. Damn it's not rocket science. You two grew apart and best to do it that way because that slowly sh*t only causes more drama and heartache. More than likely though you will still be around. Women love the losers
Locust Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 There is no easy way out of this. A guy who has a felony is purely his fault he the consequences of his actions. He is not trying to improve himself and it will be hard to find work with a felony on your record. Don't le a guy hold down your future, so the best thing for you to do is leave him.
beach Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 He can figure out his own way. You need to take care of yourself. Move out.
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