GloryTrue Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Hi friends ~ I've been in love with a married man for 10 years. He lives 600 miles north of me. We are good friends. We haven't seen each other for 8 years. He was my high school crush; we found each other 30 years later. It's real love. Ever seen the movie, "Love In the Time of Cholera?" His wife learned of our affair 8 years ago; I contacted her in a drunken stupor and spilled the beans. Big ooops? Not. It strengthened their marriage. He and I have tried countless times to say goodbye; that is apparently literally impossible for us. His wife wouldn't approve. We're star-crossed lovers. I have no desire to be with another man. Sex with him, even in my imagination, takes me HOME. Do you understand? I'm very grateful he and I remain friends and have grown so much. I'm a better person because he's in my life. I miss him like crazy all the time. I hope deeply we can be together again. But I've finally found inner peace and self love; despite everything! I want a forum where I can talk about him! He's the best man I've ever known! I want a forum for support for what I'm going through; having this secret, having to be without him. Looking forward to hearing your replies and getting to know you a bit. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I get it, but it must be tough to be single and alone for 8yrs? I could imagine time flies, but for me it crawls sometimes when I'm lonely How does he feel? How did it strengthen their mRraige? How do you know it did?
thecharade Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 It strengthened their marriage? And you still love him so 'perfectly'? But haven't seen him for 8 years? How is this a good deal for you?
Mount Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Not understand. You two are not physically seeing each other at all during 8 years, however you claim he and you are lover (or you claim you are the OW of him?) That is unhealthy...bottomline, get real pls. Hi friends ~ I've been in love with a married man for 10 years. He lives 600 miles north of me. We are good friends. We haven't seen each other for 8 years. He was my high school crush; we found each other 30 years later. It's real love. Ever seen the movie, "Love In the Time of Cholera?" His wife learned of our affair 8 years ago; I contacted her in a drunken stupor and spilled the beans. Big ooops? Not. It strengthened their marriage. He and I have tried countless times to say goodbye; that is apparently literally impossible for us. His wife wouldn't approve. We're star-crossed lovers. I have no desire to be with another man. Sex with him, even in my imagination, takes me HOME. Do you understand? I'm very grateful he and I remain friends and have grown so much. I'm a better person because he's in my life. I miss him like crazy all the time. I hope deeply we can be together again. But I've finally found inner peace and self love; despite everything! I want a forum where I can talk about him! He's the best man I've ever known! I want a forum for support for what I'm going through; having this secret, having to be without him. Looking forward to hearing your replies and getting to know you a bit.
curiousGeorge2 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Again I found the story plausible. I myself have been in love with someone from afar for 14 yrs. The last time that I met her was 12 yrs ago. I am a mm with 2 beautiful kids. But to stay single for ever because of that? That is too much sacrifice even for me. Life is too short and you want to live a full life. You already gave him 8 yrs and that is long enough. I myself gave my first love 7 yrs and then I decided that I wanted to try something else. Wish I had made that decision much earlier. Believe me, you can love two people at the same time.
thecharade Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 CuriousGeorge, have you posted about your situation yet? I would be interested to read what you have been through and where you are now. GloryTrue, mine was a first love A. It is not that he won't remain important to me, but like other As, I want to be all in a relationship with someone, not just a tiny piece. Do you feel this way at all? That you deserve a full-time R? After a couple years, I began to feel disrespected by the situation, what I was allowing. It was unhealthy. When I really, fully accepted that he was willing to let me disrespect myself for his selfish gain (and that is the ugly truth, which I did not want to admit to myself), I simply had to move on. And he let me, which also says a lot.
curiousGeorge2 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) thecharade, I have posted my story before, and here is a recap: I met my first love in college and it lasted two years. It was not extraordinary except for the ending. It broke up involuntarily, the ending was so violent that we even didn't have time to say goodbye. She just vanished. It was so traumatic to me that it took 7 yr and an EA with a married women to get over it. Basically after the first love ended, I just lost the interests in dating and became an emotionally zombie. Everyday I missed her and sleep-walked through over 40 dates. It was not these women were not good, it's just I was sleep-walking as I was living in the past. It was not true that after seven years that I decided that I should try something else. What actually happened is that I met a mw (my landlord) and gradually fell for her and began an EA that lasted three years. After EA ended she introduced me to another woman who became my wife, and we have married for 17 yrs with two beautiful kids. The marriage has its share of, maybe more than its share of, problems, though, but it's another story. The moral of the story? Don't live in the past, live in the present. Edited November 16, 2013 by curiousGeorge2
PeachyPink Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 It sounds like you have a lovely cyber friendship. If it fulfills you, then it just does. Strengthening their marriage is an added bonus.
thecharade Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Sorry if this is a thread jack, Glory. He is talking of first love, so maybe you'll find it helpful. But . . . CuriousG, what brings you to this forum, then? Is there an aspect of your story that is not working out well?
SunsetRed Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Well, speaking from experience, I can say that if you are "in love" with someone that you haven't seen in 8 years, then that says a lot about your own fear of commitment. Women who are continually drawn to unavailable men such as MMs, very long distance relationships, men who will never commit, are women who are also unavailable due to their own commitment issues. Ive had to confront this within myself. When I met my xMM, he was separated, but still legally married and was deploying to Iraq w the military. I joked that the only way I could have a bf was if he was legally married and lived 8000 miles away...but there was a lot of truth in that jest. I've had a history of choosing unavailable men or men who just want FWB and I run from men who talk love, commitment and marriage. Ive had to confront these issues and had to realize that who I choose to b with and love, says a lot about where my head is at. Maybe you should take a look at yourself, your own fears and issues and really confront what it is you want out of life and a relationship. 1
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