cantsleepatnight Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me almost two weeks ago. He was/is my first love. We were pretty happy, when all of a sudden his voice started shaking and he told me we had to break up. He told me that he had been unhappy in his personal life and needed to learn to be happy on his own. He said he just couldn't commit to anyone at the moment and didn't plan on committing to anyone for a long time. He said that he loved me, and that this was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He just needed to sort out his own issues and wanted us both to move on with our lives in the meantime. My world literally fell as I realized he wasn't going to change his mind. It was a semi-long distance relationship, and we would see each other every weekend. We had a week of NC before trying to be friends. It didn't work, and we have agreed to keep up NC until we are truly over each other. We agreed that once we are over each other, we can contact each other and get to know each other again as friends. And if it's meant to be, we'll find each other again romantically. But who knows? Every second of the day I think about him. Sometimes it's easier when I'm surrounded by my best friends, but mostly it's hard. I can't get through the night without waking up, even with sleeping aids. I dream about him and then my chest burns when I realize I'm never going to have him to comfort me at night or hold me when we're sleeping. I've dated him ever since college started and we've known each other since high school. I feel lost, especially during the weekends: I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Hanging out with friends isn't the same. He was special. I know he's been doing some wonderful things with his life: working out, working hard in school, and hanging out with his friends. I've been doing the same but I still feel broken inside. I'm glad that he's making some changes, or else our breakup would have been for nothing. But I don't want to get over him - I feel like he is going through a quarter-life crisis and just needs to wake up. I know this is the wrong mentality, but I miss him so much. Aside from being my boyfriend, he was my best friend and I told him everything. I desperately want to talk to him all the time, but I've been pretty good at keeping up NC. I just want to know when it'll get easier, when I'll stop missing him so much, and when I can finally let him back into my life without it hurting so much.
Mario79 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Your feelings are way too raw for you to even consider a friendship with him. You obviously want him back. I guess you have to wait for him to want to be with you, and not as a friend. You have to pretty much not feel anything for him to even consider it:(. I know. At least your split was amicable, sounds like something could happen in the future, but also, maybe not. How long will it take? Until you no longer consider him an option and he doesnt really cross you mind anymore. That is up to you. How well you can handle this time. I hope you can.
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 The ability to be friend with an EX takes a LONG time . . . usually the length of the relationship & it's not all it's cracked up to be. You don't really want to catch up on the other person's life & hear all about the new person they love. Sometimes by the time you get to an emotional point where you could be friends you find you simply don't want to because you no longer have enough in common with the EX to bother. At best you can hope for a Christmas card & a few minutes of polite conversation if you bump into one another.
aybc123 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 You probably wont be able to be good friends ever, and chances are, by the time you're able to be any kind of friends that wont bother you. The best you can hope for is to part on good terms now and be 'friendly' in the future, polite conversation when you bump into them and wishing each other a happy birthday etc like d0nnivain said. It's the harsh truth unfortunately, having loved someone usually disqualifies them from ever being 'just a friend' again, you should definitely strive to be on good terms though and you know, people do reconnect years later and get back together if they end up single in the same place, dont pin your hopes on that because it could be years down the line and most likely wont happen at all. Sometimes accepting that you lost your best friend can be even harder than accepting that you lost your bf/gf which is why it's good to have another very close friend to get you through it if possible (unfortunately i lost my best friend and my gf who was also my best friend this year :s).
sun1972 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 having loved someone usually disqualifies them from ever being 'just a friend' again, this is so true, and very sad i think..
ponchsox Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 You want more than being friends. This will not end well for you. Come to terms that it's over, go NC, and move on.
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