CurvyGurl Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Well I suppose here is where I begin,eh? I did a search on relationship forums and stumbled upon this place. Here I be. I've already opened my big mouth on another thread so I thought I'd better scurry somewhere and post an introduction. So, I am 30. I am a black woman, single, living in Atlanta Ga. I work in Software Development, as the Accounting Manager and Administrator. Fun work, love it a lot. I am almost desperately seeking my prince charming. I should say that many of the men I have met seem like great guys, and were I a different woman, I'd be married to one of them right now instead of up pining away at not having a boyfriend to exchange gifts with. I digress. You see..... I am one of those weird VIRGIN things. I am religious, grew up in a not-so-good Christian home, and we were taught the birds n bees and that sex was for marriage. The thought of anything different never came to mind (my brothers completely ignored that teaching). I was qute ugly in high school so it's not like I had teenage hormones to battle. I had to ASK 4 people to go to prom with me and ended up just going with a friend. More digression. So I was a late bloomer and went all the way through college without really dating. Truth be told I hadn't even been kissed until I was 24. So the last 5 yrs Ive been doing some growing up, I prettied up, and matured up, but I still have not sexxed it up. I've had little more sexual contact than some heavy petting. Fast forward to..well... now. I feel it would be a waste to date someone and give it up after about date two. Believe it or not, yes, I get asked around date two when it's gonna happen. I feel like a McDonald's Drive Thru. So, way before I really want to go into sexual issues, I end up telling dude that I am chaste and that I really plan to stay that way until I am ready to have sex. read: more than two dates. Then he disappears. Is it me? Is it them? If it comes down to 'have sex with someone, anyone, so I can have a boyfriend, or 'die and old lonely dried up virgin', then buy me an old brown sweater, a rocking chair and 7 cats because I didn't wait 30+ yrs to have sex to just waste it. Clearly the answer is lose the zero, but.. it seems like the McSex idea is so popular. Yes, even in the church. They just like sneaky McSex, they dont' want anyone to know they're doing the nasty. I'm so frustrated.... How can I be guaranteed that 'HE' is out there? What if I'm waiting and waiting and waiting for no one? And I end up being 62 living on the street and talking to myself? Ok that has nothign to do with being a virgin but what if, on top of all of that, I've still never had sex?????
moimeme Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Well, somewhere along the line, I resolved that if I weren't married by 40, I'd turn into a raunch and sleep around wantonly. It was a great fallback plan; the trick is to push it far enough into the future that the likelihood is slim LOL. Try not to worry about the future. I have made it a policy to not worry about things until I know there is something to worry about. So the time to worry about being 60 and still a virgin is when you're sixty and still a virgin. Prior to that, never give up hope. Lives change in a few moments. You could meet *him* tomorrow or you could meet him next year but he's out there somewhere making his way towards you as you are towards him. It's just that both of you have had and may still have lessons to learn before you encounter each other.
Author CurvyGurl Posted December 24, 2004 Author Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme Well, somewhere along the line, I resolved that if I weren't married by 40, I'd turn into a raunch and sleep around wantonly. It was a great fallback plan; the trick is to push it far enough into the future that the likelihood is slim LOL. I like your philosophy. Note to self: Steal this and pretend I made it up.
moimeme Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Note to self: Steal this and pretend I made it up Be my guest. Even pass it on if you like! There is so much grandness in life that one ought not waste precious time hankering after what one hasn't. Much easier on the whole system to notice what one has and be glad of it
Max Zoom Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Max says hi Curvy....mmmmm curvy girls. Max also wants to know why you feel you have to tell your dates about your decision to remain a virgin till marriage. Especially after just one or two dates. Max thinks this is something the guy will be entitled to know after he's shown he is many things including mature, trustworthy, unshallow, kind...etc. And, that he's becoming devoted to you. Max watches a lot of old movies and remembers that in the past, chaste curvy girls would just tell guys "I'm not that kind of girl. And the guys were happy, happy Max tells ya, to hear it.
Author CurvyGurl Posted December 24, 2004 Author Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by Max Zoom Max says hi Curvy....mmmmm curvy girls. Max also wants to know why you feel you have to tell your dates about your decision to remain a virgin till marriage. Especially after just one or two dates. Max thinks this is something the guy will be entitled to know after he's shown he is many things including mature, trustworthy, unshallow, kind...etc. And, that he's becoming devoted to you. Max watches a lot of old movies and remembers that in the past, chaste curvy girls would just tell guys "I'm not that kind of girl. And the guys were happy, happy Max tells ya, to hear it. Hi, Max.... I've tried it all ways around. Not discussing the issue: Makes me feel like I am trying to trap him into liking me before I tell him we won't be going there. Feels like a game and I don't, in particular, want to play that game. Full Disclosure: Grants me at least two dates, while the man valiantly makes an effort to date without sex and no hope of it in the near future. He peters out around date 3 or 4, does a 'fadeaway'.... that thing men do when they forget your phone number, where you live, and your email address and accidentally go out with someone who will have sex with them. Ooops. CurvyGurl wishes she lived in the era of old movies. I can't say that the men I've dated don't respect my decison. They think it's noble but unrealistic. I live in the wrong era. Frankly, I am perfectly fine with it. What bugs me is when I meet someone whom I think is ok with it and start to let my guard down and he completely turns into Dirk McDickHead and insist that he neeeeeeeeeeeeds sex. Mkay. Go have it then, big baby.
Max Zoom Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Well, yes Curvy, the man in the old movies always does go off and have sex with the trashy girl for a while, but she always dies a horrible death for her wickedness, and the hero then realizes how much he loves the heroine and sweeps her off her feet and...well, you know the rest. But in our world Julia Roberts gets to be a streetwalking 'ho AND marry the rich gorgeous guy. Ah, the lessons movies can teach you.
Author CurvyGurl Posted December 24, 2004 Author Posted December 24, 2004 You are more right than you realize. Sometimes film is a direct representation of what's going on in our world. Sometimes I become sensitive to the issue and I notice how, on tv and in movies, there is a progression of activity, even among teenagers. It makes it that much more difficult to be different. I suppose I'll make it. I'll live. If a girl can't have hope, why live?
Barby Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Hi Curvy Girl. I think it is sooooooooooooooo cool that you've stuck to your decision....I think any man should be ecstatic to know that you've remained true to your vow to yourself, they should see that as something totally wonderful instead of seeing it as a hinderance. I wish I could tell you that your "prince charming" will come your way soon but as I'm sure you know..you have to weed through a lot of frogs in order to find that true Prince.... All I can say is never lose your morals for any man and congrads on being strong!
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