hyasmeena Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 I've been "seeing" this guy for about two weeks now. He's a bit older than myself. I'm 25, he's 33. But I enjoy his company quite a bit. And I could get very attached to him. Well, I think I'm already getting quite attached to him. What the problem is, is that he's been divorced a couple times, and he's not interested at all in another serious relationship. I think I'm worth more than the largely physical, pseudo-dating thing that's been going on thus far. It's not even really dating. It's more us getting together for a little sex play. I think he likes me more than he lets on though. He comes into my workplace to visit me and flirt. He's not afraid to be seen with me in public. He's opening up more and more, and hell...I just get the feeling that he likes me. I could be wrong. I could be a little 25 year old ass for him. I could just be a huge ego-stroking for him. I don't know what I'm asking really. I guess I'm just wondering if he's just in it for the prospect of sex, or if there might be something else there.
Author hyasmeena Posted December 24, 2004 Author Posted December 24, 2004 That's a great idea. I just wish I didn't have to resort to games like that to see where it'll go. *sigh*
CurvyGurl Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Please forgive, this is my first post and I have only been lurking a short time, but I have found the following two things to be true: 1) Men tell women exactly who they are and what they want. We just don't listen. Listen to his words, but most of all his ACTIONS. Has he already told you that he's gone through two divorces and he's not interested in a serious relationship? Did you infer this from his behavior? 2) No matter how wonderful someone seems... someBODY, someWHERE, is sick of his s**t. And in his case, TWO people. Learn from their mistakes... don't make the same ones on your own. Yes, he wants sex from you. Near as I can tell. And as long as he gets it, he will stick around for some 25 yr old 'piece of @ss. Listen to what his words and his actions are telling you. Either seriously downgrade what you want from this guy, or close them legs and that mouth and start playing up the word 'friend' a LOT and see if he sticks around. I will now fade back into the shadows.....
curiousnycgirl Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 it's only been 2 weeks, you need to chill out a bit. I agree with you about not wanting to play games - I am not nor have I ever been into head games. Truth of the matter is if I want an honest relationship, why would I play games? On the other hand I am still single at 39 - so perhaps I am doing it all wrong However I stick by my first reaction - it has only been 2 weeks! Give the man a break. He has been burned in the past and has probably put up some very signifcant walls around his heart. 2 weeks is certainly not enough time for him to let down his guard. I say if you are both enjoying yourselves, keep doing what your are doing. Set a time limit for yourself (suggest at least 2 months) - if at that point things have not progressed, THEN you should be investigating your options. Good luck with it!
alphamale Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 just some advice: most women who start having regular sex with the same dude eventually fall for him. be it casual sex or FWB or pseudo-dating. it is hard for many women to seperate sex and love. it is easy for men to seperate sex and love.
sean001 Posted December 25, 2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Well let me first put the *age* thing to bed -- a spread between 33 and 25 is not that serious, so I wouldn't focus on the whole "young piece of @ss thing." The bigger difference between you two is that he has already been divorced twice and you have not (am I correct with that? You didn't say.). But either way, the fact that he has been through some divorces is significant and should make you question his judgment and commitment to marriage. But you're not going to know HIS side of the stories after a couple weeks, or even if you need to know about any of these things. I'm sure he wants something *easy* right now with very little emotional work on his part. If you're down with that, keep going. It has only been a couple weeks. I agree with the whole time limit thing. Play this out for a little while, but if you really start sensing a greater attachment with more interest in a relationship, it's time to move on. The REAL trick is getting out before you get too hurt. Finally, let me just say that I have told myself "I don't want a relationship right now" many times for many different reasons, but if the right person comes around, that goes out the window. That is generally just a convenient excuse for someone we're not into. I wasn't going to say that, but since it's already been put in a book, it's no longer a big secret.
alphamale Posted December 25, 2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by sean001 The bigger difference between you two is that he has already been divorced twice and you have not (am I correct with that? You didn't say.). But either way, the fact that he has been through some divorces is significant and should make you question his judgment and commitment to marriage. The rate of divorce gets higher and higher with each successive divorce. And the divorce rate for a first marriage is about 50%. The divorce rate for a third marriage is something like 70 or 75%.
Author hyasmeena Posted December 25, 2004 Author Posted December 25, 2004 Yeah, Alphamale, the divorce rate is astronomically high. I do not have much hope for it. And as much as it offends my sensibilities, I have to agree with you that men do not have any problem seperating love and sex. I wish women could do it as easily. This wouldn't be such a damn issue. Sean001-- You are correct in assuming that I've never been married. Almost took the plunge twice, then realized that the guys were complete a$$hats. Thank you, Sean and NYCGirl. You did bring that part into perspective, about it only being a couple weeks. I've been single quite a while and never been good at this whole dating/sex thing. I think I lost that. Thank you, everyone for the advice.
Recommended Posts