Chicken Wing Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Hey everyone first post here. I'm sorry for the length of this, but I really would appreciate some insight. A little background on myself, I'm 30 and am just now getting seriously into the dating scene (better late than never). Dated in college a little bit but nothing serious. Started working full time after college: hated my job, got overweight, generally unhappy. This past year I finally got a new job I love, lost a lot of weight, I am happy for the first time in years. So I finally figured it was time to start dating and find that special someone. Never have had a "real" girlfriend, still have the v-card (sigh). Been doing the online dating thing now for a couple months to make those last two things change. Anyway I met a girl on one of the dating sites, we went out on three dates. First one went really well, couple drinks and dinner. Great conversation she seemed very interested, texted me when I got home saying she had a great time and we should see each other again. So I set up a second date for the following week and it went equally well. Dinner and Dave & Buster's, kissed for a couple minutes when I dropped her off. Text her the next day telling her I had a good time and she said she had a great time and was looking forward to seeing me again. Third Date, a few days later, dinner and bowling. I had her meet up at my place and i drove from there. Great date, lots of conversation she was even talking about future things we could do together. After bowling we went back to my place and watched a movie. After the movie we started making out on my couch, she said a couple times she should get going and I kept making out with her and she finally said, "ok I'll stay but we need to go somewhere more comfortable than your couch". Off to the bedroom where clothes started coming off and heavy petting ensued. Keeping it PG rated here, my "guy" was getting some stage fright. She was like "what's going on?", I told her I must have stage fright or something. I then, as an explanation in desperation, let the cat out of the bag about the v-card. She responded to it well and said that was ok we don't have to do that tonight. We made out some more and we went to sleep. In the morning she had a dentist appointment at 9, but she woke up at 6:30 and seemed to be in a hurry to get out. I asked if she wanted to grab breakfast or something and she said she needed to go to the gym before her appt. I got a weird feeling about her wanting to leave so quick and asked her if I would see her again and she said yeah. We hugged and kissed and she left. That's the last I have heard from her. I text her later that day and told her I had a good time with her and we should get together again soon. Nothing. Wait a couple days. Didn't hear anything from her and text her inviting her to go out on a date this weekend. Nothing. Obviously something isn't right here. I just don't get it, it's like a light switch turned off or something. How do you go from totally interested to nothing so fast? Did we go too fast? Was it the "equipment malfunction"? Is there any way to fix this? I don't want to be a needy guy and have refrained from contacting her any further than the two texts.
BlametheIrish Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Im guessing your virgin status freaked her out big time even though she didnt lead on to that. The right woman will hear those words and blow your mind, then teach you how to blow hers. She's out there man, keep looking and youll find her Wish I could pm on here. Id send some inspiration your way as Ive been in a very aimilar situatiin to ypurs at one point in my life. But I'm not comfortable sharing such revealing info on a forum. 1
veggirl Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I'm sorry. It was because of the virgin thing. Unfortunately, past a certain age virginity is typically more of a hinderance than promiscuity Keep dating, but don't divulge that personal info on date 3. If you are losing an erection or can't get hard, laugh it off and go downtown on her. Tell her you'll make it up to her next time. Don't show the V-card. Sorry it has to be that way but straight up if you are going to have success with most ladies...it does need to be that way at first. partially because it's just not common to be a virgin at 30 and partially because most girls are gonna think once you get a taste of it, you'll want to try it from others as well. just keep it to yourself for now.
Author Chicken Wing Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 Thanks for the replies, so I guess it was the virgin thing . Getting into the dating scene, I debated whether or not to say anything about it with the people I date. I was leaning toward not saying anything and just going with it, but I freaked out when my "stage fright" kicked in and felt a need to explain it. Kinda kicking myself for doing that now. She didn't really ask anything about why I was still a virgin so I thought it wasn't a big deal. I figured I would explain it next date or next time I talked to her. So much for that... BlametheIrish, no worries, seems you have to be an established member to send PMs. Happy to hear others have been in similar situations though.
Sivok Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 So i discussed this with my friend and she said she doubts it was the virginity thing. It was the panic and then saying you were a virgin in the middle of it that was the issue. Sounds like she got really uncomfortable and wanted to get out of there asap. You probably wont hear from her again. With the next girl, i'd recommend telling her before you start 1
winny Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Bit strange... Since she has already spent some time with you, so even I don't feel it is the virginity thing... Maybe it was your frightened behavior which made her uncomfortable... or maybe she just didn't enjoy making out with you... Or she found someone else who she likes more than you... after all you were not exclusive... Whatever it is... don't contact her anymore..
Neville107 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) To Wing and all the other guys that will read this: There's no reason to tell a woman about your V-card situation. Nothing good will come of it and she may freak out because she will think she'll have to do everything. Women want to be lead and being a V in her mind is not being lead. Just don't do it. If Sgt. Johnson retreats from you, just claim it's been a while, you had a rough week and you're not quite there yet. Just make an excuse and then... Just focus on the woman!!! Learn how to massage, caress, and kiss her all over - be creative. Work on her - to put it in Military terms: Recon the area, don't leave any stone unturned, shake out all shrubbery, and assess the situation. When you reach the 20-30 minute mark (Maybe a little longer or shorter), begin preparations to launch your offensive. Confirm that her muscles are nicely tensed, her breathing very deep, she's sweating, and most important her ability to control herself vocally has been rendered useless. Sgt. Johnson, hearing the audible and understanding it's bugle call, will man up, salute his superiors, and volunteer to lead the offensive. After you storm Normandy, believe me she will definitely want see you again. Guys, give Gen. Patton my regards. Edited November 17, 2013 by Neville107 1
Phantom888 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 It's not the V thing. I have heard this from friends and women I dated before. What happens is when a woman likes you a lot, she begins to wonder if the SEXUAL chemistry would match the warm and fuzzy feeling. She will basically say to herself, "I like him a lot...and if he and I are sexually compatible, then I will move forward with him." So she obviously liked you enough to want to go there with you. It was your time to show her ultimately if you are a good partner, and she found out that you are not. She let you go because she concluded that you are not sexually compatible with her. Remember, women expect major sparks to happen when they are with the right man. Anything less means you are not the right man. I think you need to practice having sex so you don't scare away the next decent girl. I mean, the V card is not the issue. The stage fright is. If a girl has a healthy sexual appetite, the lack of penis enthusiasm will scare her off. In nature, that shows you have weak DNA and not a good match to mate with. This is built into the female instincts, so you need to address this if you want to get into a healthy relationship. Any woman that claims "this doesn't matter" is LYING!
Grumpybutfun Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Chicken Wing: Lack of erection was definitely the problem. Women tend to internalize it when you can't get it up. She probably thought something was wrong with your attraction to her. Or, she felt you had sexual performance issues and didn't want to deal with those. I don't think being a virgin helped either but it wouldn't have been a big deal if you had been able to perform. You need to figure out why the stage fright and learn how to relax because if this continues to happen, it is really going to screw with your head. Best, Grumps
Kate9292 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Obviously something isn't right here. I just don't get it, it's like a light switch turned off or something. How do you go from totally interested to nothing so fast? Did we go too fast? Was it the "equipment malfunction"? Is there any way to fix this? I don't want to be a needy guy and have refrained from contacting her any further than the two texts. Mostly it's about your virginity. It would be a turn off for me and I'm 21. Nevermind if your 30. 1
MalachiX Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Sounds like the V-card or your inability to perform. Move on and hope it doesn't happen the next time. Remember that women are just as shallow as men and it can be a harsh world out there. Try to stay positive and don't waste time on people who aren't going to understand you for who you are. That's all any of us can do. Good luck
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