Isadora Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Basically, I have been seeing the doctor recently about my heart palpitations and when my ex broke up with me he asked me to contact him when my ECG results came through. I did this, but it was before I had initiated NC. He then asked me to let him know what happened after my specialist heart appointment (which I haven't had yet). Do I break NC to tell him? We broke up because of distance and wanting different things, but we obviously still care about one another and I feel bad withholding information about my health from him. Should I text after my appointment?
radiodarcy Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I wouldn't recommend it. I just read through your thread explaining how the break up took place. He was the one who initiated the break up and as you said - - it was out of the blue and as he explained - - because he didn't want to make decisions based on you. While that certainly doesn't mean he's so hard-hearted that he wouldn't want to know about your appointment, I don't think this could be construed as withholding information about your health from him. Your health is really your business. And as you are no longer together - - which was his decision, you're really not obligated to share this information with him. Besides, you're too raw from the break up and talking to him this soon is only going to take away from your healing and may even cause you more stress which could upset your condition even more. Don't worry about telling him, just focus on taking care of you.
GatsbyMH Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Unless it was something really serious I would not contact him. 1
veggirl Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 No. If he wants to know THAT badly, he will ask. 3
maturityassets Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) No don't. At the time of my break up back in April I was getting an MRI done for a recurring dislocated shoulder and my ex at the time of the break up told me to keep her up to date. She kep't texting me about it for a # of weeks and I think it was mainly there were times she felt like the one dumped instead of the other way around by how I went cold turkey no contact on her. Eventually when we did get into contact about a month later where we tried to act cordial about it all, it just got messy because we made each other jealous because I already went on rebound dates and she already had hook ups with guys from her past. Eventually we had our closure and told her that it is best that we don't talk for a while. She told me to tell her when I get surgery. I got surgery done about 3 weeks ago and I figured there was no point of telling her after 6 months broken up and 3 months of NC and It would have been 5 months of NC but I did brake it at one point over the summer to tell her about the death of my grandfather since she knew he had cancer. She sent a card but I always regretted even doing that because it was just using a situation to get into contact with her when I was pretending to be uninterested in having an actual conversation with her. So I never told her about my surgery after that. Edited November 16, 2013 by maturityassets
Author Isadora Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 Thank you all for your replies! The answer seems to be a resounding no then. I just feel bad because I know that he still cares about me and I promised I would keep him up to date with it all. He was the person (when we were together) who insisted I went to a doctors in the first place. It doesn't feel fair to not tell him :/
seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I say do what feels right for you. However, will you be prepared for the response? Will you be able to handle it if is not as sympathetic as you had expected? What if doesn't respond at all? What if he is extra kind and comforting...will that suck you back in and mess with you emotions? All I'm saying is to be prepared for the emotional consequences if you decide to tell him. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 We aren't saying that you shouldn't tell him if he reaches out to ask. We are saying that by you reaching out you are trying to keep the relationship alive & that is not healthy for you. 1
Author Isadora Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 Hmm, ok. I know how he will respond already, he will be super sympathetic, make sure I'm ok etc. he does still care about me. But maybe I should wait to see if he contacts me about it first? Then I'll know that he really does want to know, without me having to make the decision about contacting him. He was the one who broke up with me after all..
reddragon588 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Unless it is something life-threatening I'd say no. Even then, I would say probably no. If it is important to him and he's not just placating you, he will reach out.
BC1980 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Hmm, ok. I know how he will respond already, he will be super sympathetic, make sure I'm ok etc. he does still care about me. But maybe I should wait to see if he contacts me about it first? Then I'll know that he really does want to know, without me having to make the decision about contacting him. He was the one who broke up with me after all.. I'm sure he cares about you, but telling him the results really benefits him don't you think. He gets to feel like the good guy because he cares about your results. I wouldn't do it myself. Harsh as it is, you aren't on those terms anymore. 2
AnnaAnna Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm sure he cares about you, but telling him the results really benefits him don't you think. He gets to feel like the good guy because he cares about your results. I wouldn't do it myself. Harsh as it is, you aren't on those terms anymore. Exactly what I was thinking. And if he really cared as much as you think he does than why isn't he trying to contact you?! Yes, he's a nice guy and wants you to be ok but he dumped you. Sorry, not trying to be mean.
reddragon588 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Also, I forgot to mention this earlier, but I hope everything is ok for you health-wise!
Author Isadora Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 You guys are right, I guess I never thought of it that way... I'll wait, if he contacts me I'll tell him. If he doesn't then I'll know that he truly doesn't care 1
BC1980 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You guys are right, I guess I never thought of it that way... I'll wait, if he contacts me I'll tell him. If he doesn't then I'll know that he truly doesn't care I think a lot of dumpers don't realize what they are doing. For instance, my ex recently sent me a birthday gift. I'm sure he thought he was being nice, and it was thoughtful. However, it also makes him feel like a good guy and keeps his foot in the door of my life in case he changes his mind.
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