Torn between girlfriend and video games

[Titania22]

It doesn't have to end, but at some point it should. It's not healthy to choose a TV over a relationship. It's not healthy to choose sitting in front of a TV for hours over anything really. The more time you spend doing it, the more you'll find yourself becoming disconnected from the outside world.

 

You're the first woman I've seen who doesn't like or expect cuddling from a guy after sex. Usually women are upset if he doesn't want to cuddle. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Actually a woman who just wants to have sex then go back to playing video games right away is probably every guy dream girl. lol

 

I would put as many hours into sex as you would playing video games. ha-ha

 

And I would agree if we are talking TV. But through my gaming I have discovered a whole community of people. I am more social then I have ever been in my life, albeit not face to face so much, but that is more due to distance. I would happily meet up with online friends irl, and would happily live in the same city and get together, but that isn't an option for me right now.

 

And I do value my relationships with people over gaming, for me gaming is the vehicle for those friendships and interactions.

 

I think cuddling has its place, but with all things I think it's better when you want to do it, rather than feel obliged to. When I do anything I like to bring 100% commitment to the task in front of me, and I hate going through the motions, if feels fake.

[Ruby Slippers]

My 2 cents is that a loving relationship is going to yield much more joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment than video games.

 

That said, it's perfectly reasonable to carve out a little time for yourself each week to indulge in your hobbies, even if they're purely for entertainment and not productive. Any loving partner should be able to respect some down time to piddle around with hobbies you enjoy.

[aussietigerwolf]

See if she wants to play video games too?

[steveT95]

I don't have time to read all the posts but I will say it does sound like an addiction. Maybe look into that.

However, I did just read that you haven't played games for 2 months. You know you do have some say in a relationship and if you want a night to yourself that is absolutely fine. Give yourself a few hours to fire up that bad boy and play until you sleep. Then by her a nice meal fire up that other bad boy and play with her until you fall asleep, you ol' dawg

[Woggle]

When I play GTA V online there are plenty of women on there. It's just men who like games. The only games I even play anymore is the GTA series which comes out every few years and if that makes me immature so be it. It's more mature than reality TV if you ask me.

[dreamingoftigers]

When I play GTA V online there are plenty of women on there. It's just men who like games. The only games I even play anymore is the GTA series which comes out every few years and if that makes me immature so be it. It's more mature than reality TV if you ask me.

 

GTA rocks.(despite having played the others)

 

Vice City is still my fave. Although I was in Miami in the eighties and it brings back good memories.

 

Only now I can beat up random people on a sidewalk and take their money!

[Grumpybutfun]

Hi! I am a 30 year old man who is having relationship issues with my first girlfriend. Before I met my girlfriend I was heavily invested in video games. I would go home right after work and play until it was time to go to bed. Two months ago, I met a beautiful woman in my church singles group and we started dating. I love this woman very much but she takes up so much of my free time now that I start to miss playing video games.

 

I came to the realization that I was happier playing the games more than being with her. My family is happy that I am dating someone and my mom is off my back now about it. I don't know what to do. It is starting to get serious and she made a comment about how she could see us getting married one day.

 

Should i continue dating this girl even though I rather be playing my games?

 

You don't love this girl...you like her, if you loved her this wouldn't even be an issue. I think people should do what makes them happy. You shouldn't let anyone else make decisions for you, including pressure from parents or church. If you would rather go back to the life you had before, do that. It is kinder to your gf to let her be with someone who really values her anyway. There is nothing wrong with loving video games and wanting to play them as long as you understand the ramifications of being a full time gamer. Have fun doing what you want with your life. Your gf sounds great and she will find someone new in no time. It is unfortunate you couldn't figure out a way to balance the two and be happy.

Let us know what you decide and have fun,

Grumps

[Woggle]

GTA rocks.(despite having played the others)

 

Vice City is still my fave. Although I was in Miami in the eighties and it brings back good memories.

 

Only now I can beat up random people on a sidewalk and take their money!

 

Nothing beats the sense of anarchy and freedom this game provides and I think the latest one might be becoming my favorite. I don't even want a PS4 until another GTA comes out.

[Maxtor]

Some of those that go off shooting at random people are gamers. Anti-social, living in a fantasy world.... thanks for helping me make my point.

 

Not saying all are, of course.

 

Yeah, and every single one watched television, eats and sleeps!!! Damn these human beings!

 

I didnt know that there were videogames in the Inquisition, or in the World War 2. Videogames dont affect your brain, stupid people do stupid things.

[Iguanna]

First of all I want to whine for the fact that people treat gamers like drug addicts and they think of them that they do something meaningless (I remember my cousin asked me about Wow "are you still running in fields?"). If for example I was spending all my time going shopping, decorating the house, going to the gym, playing football or cleaning up the house, they would be ok with this cause it's what most people do. People don't get that in a video game you can meet people with whom you share the same interests (and this interest never ends, there are always new stuff to talk about) and you can practice being more social with the real life. I have met many people through WoW and I have helped some of them to become more social in real life. In the game you feel confident cause you have the knowledge about something that interests everyone there: the game itself. This way you feel strong and powerful, while in your real life you may lack confidence and self esteem.

 

For your case now, apart from the game you are most likely to lose this girl cause you so much expect to lose her by her realizing that you are a loser. She obviously sees something in you and she has chosen you over others. This shows that she really has feelings for you and it will be a shame to lose her. What you should do is talk to her honestly about what bothers you, not in an offending way. Explain to her that in the game you play you have some obligations and you have to be there for like 4 times a week. You can manage your time so you can both raid and see your gf, if she knows your schedule she can plan to go out with friends these days or do some stuff of her own or even be home with you and watch a movie etc. People really don't get the reason that you have to be there these exact days to raid so you have to explain it to her really good. I'm sure she has some hobbies of her own and with some effort from both of you you will find a way to fit everything in a week time so you both are satisfied.

[borderlandsbeau]

Hi! I saw her on Saturday and had a long talk about wanting some time for myself. I went about it as nicely as I could, saying "I worry that I am taking up all of your time and you are starting to ignore your friends". That worked so well because she said that her friends have been complaining about that very fact. We are going to see each other Friday instead of every day after work like we been doing. I played games all day Sunday after church but then started missing her, wondering what she was doing. I could not get into the game like before.

 

Maybe this means I am in love? Now I wish I did not say that because I want to be with her!! We are not having sex because both of us are saving ourselves for marriage. I decided to go to the gym at my apartments tonight because no one ever uses it. They have some free weights and machines. When I start looking better and eating more than 1k calories a day, I will join a real gym with a trainer. I do not live with my parents, FYI. I have my own apartment that I share with a roommate who is never around except to come home to sleep.

Edited November 18, 2013 by borderlandsbeau

[borderlandsbeau]

Some of those that go off shooting at random people are gamers. Anti-social, living in a fantasy world.... thanks for helping me make my point.

 

Not saying all are, of course.

 

I would never hurt anyone, even though I am an addicted gamer. I admit that I have a problem and it is beginning to hurt me socially and physically. I'm not very healthy because I get little to no exercise and always forget meal times. People can become addicted to anything really: food, drugs, money, sex, internet, TV, movies, etc. I do not know why video games are singled out as such a horrible addiction that causes people to kill others. I have no criminal record and I haven't even been pulled over for speeding before!!!

[Iguanna]

Well this is awesome news, I hope you work this out and you find a suitable solution and you're happy. Good luck

[Philosoraptor]

Hi! I saw her on Saturday and had a long talk about wanting some time for myself. I went about it as nicely as I could, saying "I worry that I am taking up all of your time and you are starting to ignore your friends". That worked so well because she said that her friends have been complaining about that very fact. We are going to see each other Friday instead of every day after work like we been doing. I played games all day Sunday after church but then started missing her, wondering what she was doing. I could not get into the game like before.

 

Maybe this means I am in love? Now I wish I did not say that because I want to be with her!! We are not having sex because both of us are saving ourselves for marriage. I decided to go to the gym at my apartments tonight because no one ever uses it. They have some free weights and machines. When I start looking better and eating more than 1k calories a day, I will join a real gym with a trainer. I do not live with my parents, FYI. I have my own apartment that I share with a roommate who is never around except to come home to sleep.

Sounds like cooler heads prevailed and you talked about it in a mature manner. Hopefully this bodes well both for your relationship and for your own emotional and physical health.

 

There is nothing wrong with playing a game, just don't let any one thing take over your life.

[Woggle]

I would never hurt anyone, even though I am an addicted gamer. I admit that I have a problem and it is beginning to hurt me socially and physically. I'm not very healthy because I get little to no exercise and always forget meal times. People can become addicted to anything really: food, drugs, money, sex, internet, TV, movies, etc. I do not know why video games are singled out as such a horrible addiction that causes people to kill others. I have no criminal record and I haven't even been pulled over for speeding before!!!

 

I am the same way. I am not a violent person at all but I am a homicidal maniac in GTA. I know the difference between reality and fantasy.

[dreamingoftigers]

I am the same way. I am not a violent person at all but I am a homicidal maniac in GTA. I know the difference between reality and fantasy.

 

I think that certain people are pre-disposed to having their internal baksnce messed with a little easier.

 

I also think that trauma can be linked to the in most cases.

 

Prior to having trauma therapy, I lived in such a deprivational environment with my parents and I have not developed many external coping skills. So I escaped within myself. I had my own little world. That was so very real to me because I couldn't handle the world I was in.

 

Now, trauma reshape things in a way where you recreate circumstances to escape reality instead if trying to cope with it (because you never learned how).

 

So, you start doing dumb things so that you HAVE to escape reality.

Video games and other types of stimulus make excellent (in the sebse of being accessible and acceptible) escapes for people who have social anxiety etc. they provide a quasi-social environment where a person has a function where there is no threat of failing and they are really "themselves."

 

For some people (I am not counting OP in this) it is so addictive that it is practically a NEEDED escape.

 

Prior to trauma therapy I will admit to my personal embarassment that I was easily refocused and heavily influenced by TV/video games.

 

I think that if I had been a young man with all of that extra testosterone and more of a cultural "push" towards "man up" blah blah blah, ESPECIALLY with the father that I had, I have NO DOUBT that I could have been easily influenced to be a violent or raging individual.

 

Things like TV and video games CAN be part of a tipping point IF one is already predisposed and has access to things that can harm others.

 

1. Influence

2. Predisposition (naturally or due to trauma/poor role-modeling)

3. Access

 

After my first round of GTA:Vice City I got three speeding tickets in a month. LOL.

 

Luckily I had trauma therapy before San Andreas and IV came out.

[regine_phalange]

Lol! That is a "cute" problem. Maybe you are not doing a good time allocation in each "activity".

 

My first boyfriend had this issue too with our relationship. When we talked about it I was so relieved, because I also felt I always wanted to do several things alone and I didn't have enough time to do them. And to be honest? I'd rather my man playing video games than cheating.

 

So, explain to her that you love her but need some time of the day by yourself to do your "manly stuff" . She probably wants to do her own girly "stuff" as well.

 

Just don't overdo it, like my best friend's ex who ignored her even when she was waiting naked under the bedsheets Also when you are with your girlfriend try to do nice activities, outside the house if possible. That is what I was missing with my gamer ex when we were hanging out together, not his 24/7 time. And this is why we broke up!

[Woggle]

People in general should never give up what they love for a partner that demands it because if it ends then you have nothing.

[regine_phalange]

Oh my, I want to go play The Sims now!

[Titania22]

Oh my, I want to go play The Sims now!

 

Which Sims, 2, 3 or are you waiting for 4?

[soccerrprp]

I would never hurt anyone, even though I am an addicted gamer. I admit that I have a problem and it is beginning to hurt me socially and physically. I'm not very healthy because I get little to no exercise and always forget meal times. People can become addicted to anything really: food, drugs, money, sex, internet, TV, movies, etc. I do not know why video games are singled out as such a horrible addiction that causes people to kill others. I have no criminal record and I haven't even been pulled over for speeding before!!!

 

That's fine. I didn't that YOU would. Just making an exaggerated comment/observation that points to anti-social behavior and your attraction to gaming over the possibility of losing a gf.

[regine_phalange]

Which Sims, 2, 3 or are you waiting for 4?

 

Haha, i am indeed waiting for the 4. Right now I have on my pc the Sims 3. I havent played for a long time though. Why did you leave out the sims 1? It was so hilarious. Sool sool!

[Titania22]

Haha, i am indeed waiting for the 4. Right now I have on my pc the Sims 3. I havent played for a long time though. Why did you leave out the sims 1? It was so hilarious. Sool sool!

 

I never played sims 1.

 

I fail harder with men in sims 3 then i do IRL. My daughter is waiting for sims 4.

[ChessPieceFace]

I still remember in the early 90's when my geeky friends and I would always talk about our online exploits in homeroom, which at the time were on BBSes. We were such "nerds" and "losers" for believing in this "online world" of ours.

 

Now girls couldn't survive without their smart phone...

[Woggle]

People can knock geeks all they want but they invent the world of tomorrow. Without them we wouldn't even be on the internet or have our smart phones.