Torn between girlfriend and video games

[pteromom]

You can work out and get some muscle if you want. It's a healthy pursuit.

 

But really - another option is just to accept yourself as you are and start working on changing how you feel and think about yourself.

 

You aren't a "loser".

 

You have a gf who likes you as you are. You've already won.

 

But if you walk around hating yourself all the time, that will get old for her quickly.

 

As far as the video games, if they make you happy, absolutely make some time for yourself to play them. Inviting your gf to join in could be a lot of fun too, if she's open to that.

 

But you do need time on your own - not getting it is why you are feeling it might be ok to break it off.

 

This early in the relationship, you shouldn't be seeing each other every single day.

[Phantom888]

Everyone in my guild looks up to me. IRL, I am a skinny loser virgin and I can't believe this woman loves me. I don't deserve the love of such a beautiful angel like her. I sometimes cry at night wondering if she is going to dump me any time soon and can't bear the pain.

 

OK... listen carefully. This could either be a once-in-a-lifetime deal or won't happen for another several years. DO NOT LET THIS GIRL GO!!! You are just lacking self confidence, which can be fixed. Remember, perspective is more powerful than anything else. If you believe you are a badass guild leader in real life, that's exactly what you'll become. You have a lot going for you, so don't be discouraged.

 

1) Appearance: You are 6'2"! I mean, you already have an advantage genetically over most men! I can workout all day, make money all day and be charming as ****, but I still won't be 6'2"! Geez! So you are underweight, and need to be in better shape. I know it's harder than people imagine, especially if you have a body type that won't hold muscle mass. But you can definitely improve your life by small workouts, eating right and trying to be active. Take gradual steps...like watching TV while doing squats or skip the junk food and eat real food. I'm 5'9", 175 lbs, fit and muscular. I used to be a chubby 215 lbs sad dude. Now my woman wants to eat Jello off of my abs! Yes appearance isn't everything, but it opens up your world to give you opportunities to feel better about yourself.

 

2) Gentleman: You are a sensitive gentleman. You treat your girl well. So you are already better than most of the single men in the dating world. Being genuinely kind to women goes a long way. This is a trait that you really can't learn later in life. You are who you are.

 

3) Job: Yes even though you hate your job, you are not married to it. If you girlfriend doesn't criticize your career path, then you shouldn't worry. You have an income, and you can take her out on dates. That's better than a lot of men here in Los Angeles.

 

You see, there is no reason why she would dump you unless you MAKE her dump you by feeling sorry for yourself. Take that World of Warcraft attitude and bring it to real life. I mean, this is the life that matters, not the world of these Orcs/Orgres. You are in control of how you see yourself. She obviously love who you are, so don't disappoint her!

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah I just am in a slump. I'm working a dead-end job doing tech support when I have my BS in Computer Science from an accredited college. I'm so skinny, geeky, ugly, too tall and lanky, etc.. but this girl sees me differently and tells me so. She keeps saying I am cute, a gentleman (I just open doors and stand when she enters..usual stuff), sensitive to her needs, treat her with respect, and best boyfriend ever. I feel so unworthy and if she knew that I rather be playing video games instead of being with her, it would upset her. I have suffered from low self esteem and depression. Maybe I am not ready for a relationship. I am 30 years old so why don't I feel ready??

 

You sound just like my ex (but he didn't play video games)

 

And I was totally bowled-over-head-over-heels-in-love with him.

 

We ended up breaking up six weeks before we were going to be married. In hindsight I think he got a huge case of cold feet and he tried after to he in touch but it was too late after putting me through that.

 

Btw, video games stimulate the same area in you brain as cocaine. That's why you feel happier with them than without them.

 

They are very much an escape abd can very much be an addiction.

 

As long as you are in an active cycle of addiction, it will be hard to get them out of your mind and you'll obsess about playing them.

 

Video games will still be there if you leave them and later go back to them. The rest of your life won't be.

 

This is coming from the only girl I've ever known to okay all of the GTA games start to finish (except five because I saw I was missing out on things).

 

Life is bigger than the box in your room.

And it's way cooler if you learn how to play that instead.

[vtran31]

have you considered inviting her to play video games with you? chicks dig the mario and the smash :bunny:

[ChessPieceFace]

I used to be a gamer well into my late 20s. I was also married by then. Yes it's hard to give up something you enjoy, but as stated above, it's good to have a balance.

 

Looking back video games were a pure waste of time, as I gained nothing out of it at the end. No extra money. No extra friends. No real life accomplishments. But it was so enjoyable...almost like drugs. Then I realized if I put as much in real life as I do on video games, I can improve my quality of life substantially. I went back to school, got a Masters Degree, got a new job, and made almost $1 Million soon afterwards. Time is something that you can't ever get back. I always wish I used my time more wisely earlier in life.

 

My point is: This girl is a better investment of your time than video games. You can develop a really wonderful relationship that can lead to a lifetime of happiness. Video games can't do that. It's only temporary. So try to balance it out gradually, and spend more time with girl, and less on video games. Eventually you'll see that video games really don't give you the excitement as real life.

 

Ultimately, nothing matters. Everyone dies and is eventually forgotten; eventually the whole species, planet, solar system and galaxy will end. Real life ends (if you can actually call anything "real.") Pursuit of money is like drugs also, and can be more dangerous.

 

Your only argument with merit is that "video games feed the now, pursue things that build up the later" -- ok, but also keep the perspective that the later leads to the nothing.

 

So you made your million dollars (if we are to believe that, I really don't) -- how much money will be enough for you? Don't you have enough money to just stop working and enjoy life now? So then maybe you could have your family as well as gaming time.

 

I know a lot of guys with families and high-pressure jobs and no free time. Why is that life so much better? Sorry, I don't see it as better.

 

Edit: I believe this is a troll thread.

Edited November 16, 2013 by ChessPieceFace

[Kate9292]

Hi! I am a 30 year old man who is having relationship issues with my first girlfriend. Before I met my girlfriend I was heavily invested in video games. I would go home right after work and play until it was time to go to bed. Two months ago, I met a beautiful woman in my church singles group and we started dating. I love this woman very much but she takes up so much of my free time now that I start to miss playing video games.

 

I came to the realization that I was happier playing the games more than being with her. My family is happy that I am dating someone and my mom is off my back now about it. I don't know what to do. It is starting to get serious and she made a comment about how she could see us getting married one day.

 

Should i continue dating this girl even though I rather be playing my games?

 

You have a first gf at 30?

 

You know, if a guy never had a gf past some age, there is a reason for it.

In your case it's being anti-social. You can live your life like that if you want to, nothing wrong with that. But don't involve anyone who doesn't wish to be forced into life like that.

 

Watching some guy play video games sounds like tons of fun anyway...

[Johnson1]

Hi! I am a 30 year old man who is having relationship issues with my first girlfriend. Before I met my girlfriend I was heavily invested in video games. I would go home right after work and play until it was time to go to bed. Two months ago, I met a beautiful woman in my church singles group and we started dating. I love this woman very much but she takes up so much of my free time now that I start to miss playing video games.

 

I came to the realization that I was happier playing the games more than being with her. My family is happy that I am dating someone and my mom is off my back now about it. I don't know what to do. It is starting to get serious and she made a comment about how she could see us getting married one day.

 

Should i continue dating this girl even though I rather be playing my games?

 

You'd rather be playing video games than having sex? Essentially that's what you're saying. For me no game is worth giving up sex and a great relationship for, but that's me.

 

What are you going to do when the video game phase ends? (and it will, eventually)

Edited November 16, 2013 by Vocals5

[Titania22]

You'd rather be playing video games than having sex? Essentially that's what you're saying. For me no game is worth giving up sex and a great relationship for, but that's me.

 

What are you going to do when the video game phase ends? (and it will, eventually)

 

This actually happened to me the last time I had sex. Afterwards, I was weighing up the enjoyment I got from the sex + plus the boring time after where you can't leave yet because that would seem rude with the enjoyment I would have had just staying home and playing computer games with my friends. And I really couldn't come to the conclusion that the sex time was any more satisfying than the gaming would have been.

 

The sex was great, but all the time spent cuddling while the guy talks about whatever he feels like he needs to talk about seemed so unnecessary.

 

However over time, I am happy I chose the sex that night.

 

Why does the video game phase have to end? Aren't video games one of the great joys of living in the 21st century.

[Maxtor]

I have been thorugh that when i was 19. Nothing beats being social, having a girlfriend and friends. Those, you can keep forever. Well, some you can, but at least you gain some social experience, thats the most important thing, not even sex compares to being full of life time experiences. Games dont give you character, they give you 0. Its like a drug. I know i am exagerating a little bit, but go for social. Are you skinny? Go to a gymn. Are you weak? Martial arts.

 

Excuses are for the weak, champions just do it.

[Titania22]

Games dont give you character, they give you 0. Its like a drug.

 

Games don't give 0.

 

Games increase visual acuity, problem solving skills, reflexes.

 

Gaming gave me a social group, being a part of a team, and a community. They also gave me goal I am excited about fulfilling, such as traveling to other lands to meet the people I game with, and that in turn inspires me to work and earn the money to be able to do that.

 

Saying that people get nothing from gaming is short sighted. And sure gaming can be addictive for some people, as can alcohol or porn, it doesn't mean that all people will be addicted. Just as with all things, a person should be clear about why they are gaming and what it is they are getting out of it.

[gaius]

Games don't give 0.

 

Games increase visual acuity, problem solving skills, reflexes.

 

Gaming gave me a social group, being a part of a team, and a community. They also gave me goal I am excited about fulfilling, such as traveling to other lands to meet the people I game with, and that in turn inspires me to work and earn the money to be able to do that.

 

Saying that people get nothing from gaming is short sighted. And sure gaming can be addictive for some people, as can alcohol or porn, it doesn't mean that all people will be addicted. Just as with all things, a person should be clear about why they are gaming and what it is they are getting out of it.

Agreed. It's a little weird too that he's supposed to put up with her giving him no free time whatsoever to pursue any hobbies just because his hobby happens to be video games.

 

I don't know why you can't compromise a little and introduce her to gaming border. She might get even more turned on seeing so many people looking up to you.

[Maxtor]

Games don't give 0.

 

Games increase visual acuity, problem solving skills, reflexes.

 

Gaming gave me a social group, being a part of a team, and a community. They also gave me goal I am excited about fulfilling, such as traveling to other lands to meet the people I game with, and that in turn inspires me to work and earn the money to be able to do that.

 

Saying that people get nothing from gaming is short sighted. And sure gaming can be addictive for some people, as can alcohol or porn, it doesn't mean that all people will be addicted. Just as with all things, a person should be clear about why they are gaming and what it is they are getting out of it.

 

You forgot the quote the part when i said "I know im exagerating".

 

I learned cool stuff with games...when i was a kid, a teenager, and in my early 20's. Nothing compares to real life experiences.

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

seriously buddy, do yourself a favor and chose the girl, from what you're telling us she is worth more than your games and you seem to really like her...

 

as a HEAVY former gamer I look back and realise how much of a MONUMENTAL lost of time it was, I'm not kidding you you will have this feeling and if you passed on a beautiful thing like a relationship with a nice girl you will really really hate yourself for it.. Video games bring you nothing more than temporary joy, they dont contribute to your life in any way, they're not constructive, just kills time, that's it.. real life is out there

 

seriously, col it with the games, do it occasionnaly, but trust me when I say that you will look back with time and wonder how his could even be a choice to make for you.

[Teknoe]

border,

I feel ya. I love video games. I love girls. However, my crushes don't always like me back the same way. In that sense, video games have no prejudice, which is nice. It doesn't see size, color, height, weight, job income or personality LOL. Sometimes it's just so much fun losing yourself in a video game here and there.

 

At the same time, balance and "real world experience" is important. You don't have to be so black and white here. You can find a better middle ground.

 

I can relate though. I have always loved games, and in the past 2 years in particularly while being single, I've enjoyed my freedom by partaking in the video game here and there. No worries about escorting my GF to a dinner party, mall or plain eating out with her on the weekends.

 

Seasons come and go. Enjoy wherever you are at, but strive to do better and have a healthy balance.

[charlietheginger]

Personally I consider myself asexual .

I enjoy work,workingout ,rockclimbing,jogging seeing movies concerts all more then sex or being with someone for sex.....

 

I seek companionship with a women that will run with me rock climb with me workout with me see movies bands with me ill have sex to make her hppy and bond . But if I meet a women and we don' click I don't even try for sex. Im the kinda guy needs a mental connection over a physical on

Sounds to me like your the same and relationships. really don't interest you it's ok

LOTS OF MEN stay alone. and never marry a lot of men would rather collect coins. play video games watch tv surf. the internets then be in a relationship

[PogoStick]

Take a few pictures of her, blow one up into a life sized cardboard cutout, and kick her to the curb! Or for you, make her avatar in second life and have a virtual marriage together. Sounds perfect.

[soccerrprp]

OP, you are the example of a growing number of asocial and effed up people that makes this world a little scarier. Good luck finding a relationship and remaining a part of the real world often enough to function w/o at the expense of society as a whole.....man, you gamers are screwed up.

[Tephros]

An essential part of being in a relationship is communicating your needs and compromising. Now, say it gently though, don't say, "I'd rather be playing video games than seeing you." Say that you like being around her but also need some time to yourself for video games or whatever else that you enjoy. Provided you're not talking about spending 2 times as much time for video games as for her, the right girl for you would have no problem with it.

 

If you feel that you need video games 24/7, and find yourself sacrificing everything else that's important to you for the game, then you have a problem. When I was playing WoW years ago, it did just that. I went from an A student to a C student, starting losing friends, family sent cops to my house to see if I'm still alive. The game wasn't worth that. I still love video games, but I have to balance them with what else is important to me. I had to quit WoW cold turkey, but there are other games that I can enjoy and I'm glad they're a part of my life still.

 

Yeah I think she will dump me at any time when she realizes she can get someone better than me. I can't believe she doesn't already realize that or would have. I am just a loser and unworthy tbh.

 

Stop talking yourself down. It doesn't do you any good. I don't know where you're really at, but you do have the potential for worth. If you don't like something about yourself, work on changing it and take pride in taking those steps.

 

I'm really boney so do not know if I can lift weights. Won't people there laugh at a skinny lanky loser?

 

Most people wouldn't notice you, and those who did would respect that you're taking steps towards changing that, and if anybody would laugh they're just *******s so their opinion doesn't matter anyway.. I love lifting weights, and it takes like, what, an hour of time 2-3 times a week. It's nothing and it makes you feel and look better. Watch out for how sore it'll make you the first time though, take it somewhat easy the first few times and if you have no idea what to do have somebody show you proper technique to avoid injury.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Tephros

[Phantom888]

Ultimately, nothing matters. Everyone dies and is eventually forgotten; eventually the whole species, planet, solar system and galaxy will end. Real life ends (if you can actually call anything "real.") Pursuit of money is like drugs also, and can be more dangerous.

 

Your only argument with merit is that "video games feed the now, pursue things that build up the later" -- ok, but also keep the perspective that the later leads to the nothing.

 

So you made your million dollars (if we are to believe that, I really don't) -- how much money will be enough for you? Don't you have enough money to just stop working and enjoy life now? So then maybe you could have your family as well as gaming time.

 

I know a lot of guys with families and high-pressure jobs and no free time. Why is that life so much better? Sorry, I don't see it as better.

 

Edit: I believe this is a troll thread.

 

It's not that hard to make $1 million in bonus over a course of 5-6 years if you are a C-level executive at a large company. I have colleagues that make way more than this. I don't think I can retire with $1 million cash, at least not in Los Angeles. Yeah would love to travel the world with my woman and my kids, but imagine how fast I would go through that money. I invest it in a diverse portfolio so that I can have a safe nest egg when I retire in 20 years (I'm 39 now). In the meantime, I work every day, and it doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. Sometimes it's even more thrilling to me than playing video games.

 

My point is: Of all the activities that people can enjoy, video gaming yields the least amount of return. You don't get stronger. You don't get healthier. It's even questionable if your brain can think faster. You sit there hours at a time and for what? A loving relationship with a decent girl is way more valuable than video games. IMHO

[Tephros]

... My point is: Of all the activities that people can enjoy, video gaming yields the least amount of return. You don't get stronger. You don't get healthier. It's even questionable if your brain can think faster. You sit there hours at a time and for what? A loving relationship with a decent girl is way more valuable than video games. IMHO

 

It really depends on what you enjoy still, but there doesn't have to be a choice between video games and love, you can have both. Maybe if this doesn't work out the OP should date a gamer girl. Video games do improve some of your skills moreso than, say, watching television. Even watching television can teach you things, as can most video games. And video games don't destroy your body as readily as drugs. I dunno, sometimes I wish I enjoyed playing guitar or making things, but I don't. Since I wouldn't enjoy myself, playing a guitar or making things wouldn't be a better use of my time than video games because the most important thing is enjoying my free time.

[Dark_history]

OP, you are the example of a growing number of asocial and effed up people that makes this world a little scarier. Good luck finding a relationship and remaining a part of the real world often enough to function w/o at the expense of society as a whole.....man, you gamers are screwed up.

 

And here I thought the people making the world more scary were the ones that go off and randomly shoot at people in a public area and then kill themselves.

 

No you are right, it's the "gamers"

[man_in_the_box]

OP, you are the example of a growing number of asocial and effed up people that makes this world a little scarier. Good luck finding a relationship and remaining a part of the real world often enough to function w/o at the expense of society as a whole.....man, you gamers are screwed up.

 

Oh great - here we go again generalizing an entire hobby because some guys have an unhealthy relationship with it. Care to mention some of your hobbies/interests? I bet I can find a couple of nutjobs who shared it with you.

[Titania22]

There are a few things that seem pretty obvious to me / us and not obvious to you:

 

You are addicted to video games.

 

 

He hasn't played any video games for 2 months, how can you call that addicted? If this was any other past time that he enjoyed, people wouldn't have a problem with him wanting to be able to spend some time doing it, instead of all his time with his girlfriend.

 

Life is about balance, he shouldn't have to choose between one or the other.

[soccerrprp]

And here I thought the people making the world more scary were the ones that go off and randomly shoot at people in a public area and then kill themselves.

 

No you are right, it's the "gamers"

 

Some of those that go off shooting at random people are gamers. Anti-social, living in a fantasy world.... thanks for helping me make my point.

 

Not saying all are, of course.

[Johnson1]

This actually happened to me the last time I had sex. Afterwards, I was weighing up the enjoyment I got from the sex + plus the boring time after where you can't leave yet because that would seem rude with the enjoyment I would have had just staying home and playing computer games with my friends. And I really couldn't come to the conclusion that the sex time was any more satisfying than the gaming would have been.

 

The sex was great, but all the time spent cuddling while the guy talks about whatever he feels like he needs to talk about seemed so unnecessary.

 

However over time, I am happy I chose the sex that night.

 

Why does the video game phase have to end? Aren't video games one of the great joys of living in the 21st century.

 

It doesn't have to end, but at some point it should. It's not healthy to choose a TV over a relationship. It's not healthy to choose sitting in front of a TV for hours over anything really. The more time you spend doing it, the more you'll find yourself becoming disconnected from the outside world.

 

You're the first woman I've seen who doesn't like or expect cuddling from a guy after sex. Usually women are upset if he doesn't want to cuddle. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Actually a woman who just wants to have sex then go back to playing video games right away is probably every guy dream girl. lol

 

I would put as many hours into sex as you would playing video games. ha-ha

Edited November 17, 2013 by Vocals5