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Torn between girlfriend and video games

borderlandsbeau

By borderlandsbeau
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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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Hi! I am a 30 year old man who is having relationship issues with my first girlfriend. Before I met my girlfriend I was heavily invested in video games. I would go home right after work and play until it was time to go to bed. Two months ago, I met a beautiful woman in my church singles group and we started dating. I love this woman very much but she takes up so much of my free time now that I start to miss playing video games.

 

I came to the realization that I was happier playing the games more than being with her. My family is happy that I am dating someone and my mom is off my back now about it. I don't know what to do. It is starting to get serious and she made a comment about how she could see us getting married one day.

 

Should i continue dating this girl even though I rather be playing my games?

Edited by borderlandsbeau
Fondue Established Member

Fondue

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Do what makes you happy, brother.

 

Which is most likely just a balance between the two. Have time for yourself, and have time for your girlfriend. It's unhealthy to devote all your off time to one. Split it between many interests.

 

It works great for me.

 

The thing is, just be careful and don't let your lady control that aspect of your time. She should RESPECT your interests. If you want to sit down and raid a few nights a week with your guild (or whatever else you do in your videogame life), she should respect that.

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NJtoDC Established Member

NJtoDC

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If this post is for real, and you want a normal, balanced, fulfilling life- something needs to change. Do you want a fuller life or not? If you do cut back the gaming. If that seems to challenging get help. If you would rather have a relationship with games than a woman- play on...

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imfine Established Member

imfine

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No you should not continue dating her if you would rather be playing video games. She's not a charity case. Free her up to meet a man that prefers human interaction. You and your games can live happily ever after.

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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Give your video games away. And a few years later, play them again.

 

A relationship is much better than video games, but you need to get your priorities straight.

 

Why? A relationship can hurt you. Maybe that is why I'm feeling like this because I do not want to get hurt.

Phantom888 Established Member

Phantom888

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I used to be a gamer well into my late 20s. I was also married by then. Yes it's hard to give up something you enjoy, but as stated above, it's good to have a balance.

 

Looking back video games were a pure waste of time, as I gained nothing out of it at the end. No extra money. No extra friends. No real life accomplishments. But it was so enjoyable...almost like drugs. Then I realized if I put as much in real life as I do on video games, I can improve my quality of life substantially. I went back to school, got a Masters Degree, got a new job, and made almost $1 Million soon afterwards. Time is something that you can't ever get back. I always wish I used my time more wisely earlier in life.

 

My point is: This girl is a better investment of your time than video games. You can develop a really wonderful relationship that can lead to a lifetime of happiness. Video games can't do that. It's only temporary. So try to balance it out gradually, and spend more time with girl, and less on video games. Eventually you'll see that video games really don't give you the excitement as real life.

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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No you should not continue dating her if you would rather be playing video games. She's not a charity case. Free her up to meet a man that prefers human interaction. You and your games can live happily ever after.

 

I'm afraid that it will break her heart if I end things. I would not want to hurt this girl, just want her to lay off me a little so I can play video games like I used to. She wants to be with me all the time it seems and wants constant interaction. At first I was OK with that because I'm a virgin and get lonely.

NJtoDC Established Member

NJtoDC

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Why? A relationship can hurt you. Maybe that is why I'm feeling like this because I do not want to get hurt.

 

Life and love is full of ups and downs, feelings, emotions, tastes, sensations, memories, companionship, intimacy, joys, sorrows, laughter, tears, children, friendships, etc: Experiences.

 

Where's the fulfillment and satisfaction in a life dedicated to video games?

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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I used to be a gamer well into my late 20s. I was also married by then. Yes it's hard to give up something you enjoy, but as stated above, it's good to have a balance.

 

Looking back video games were a pure waste of time, as I gained nothing out of it at the end. No extra money. No extra friends. No real life accomplishments. But it was so enjoyable...almost like drugs. Then I realized if I put as much in real life as I do on video games, I can improve my quality of life substantially. I went back to school, got a Masters Degree, got a new job, and made almost $1 Million soon afterwards. Time is something that you can't ever get back. I always wish I used my time more wisely earlier in life.

 

My point is: This girl is a better investment of your time than video games. You can develop a really wonderful relationship that can lead to a lifetime of happiness. Video games can't do that. It's only temporary. So try to balance it out gradually, and spend more time with girl, and less on video games. Eventually you'll see that video games really don't give you the excitement as real life.

Wow I'm very excited for you that you could accomplish so much. I like how I feel when I play because I am this confident guy that leads his guild to victory when we do raids. Everyone in my guild looks up to me. IRL, I am a skinny loser virgin and I can't believe this woman loves me. I don't deserve the love of such a beautiful angel like her. I sometimes cry at night wondering if she is going to dump me any time soon and can't bear the pain.

NJtoDC Established Member

NJtoDC

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I'm afraid that it will break her heart if I end things. I would not want to hurt this girl, just want her to lay off me a little so I can play video games like I used to. She wants to be with me all the time it seems and wants constant interaction. At first I was OK with that because I'm a virgin and get lonely.

 

If a relationship isn't right for you- you break it off. Better to let someone go a month in than a year in or after marriage, just to avoid letting them down.

 

How much time would you like to devote to the GF and how much to the games?

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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It's what I do in my life.

 

When video games come in the way of my health, job, social life, etc., I give them away to a family member (they're usually ecstatic!). 2-3 years later I start playing them again.

 

Don't throw away opportunities. Stay off the games for a while, and see where things go with this beautiful woman.

 

That's a good idea. Yes, she is very beautiful and everyone thinks so. Lots of guys at church were interested in her but she went for me. I can't believe it because I'm such a loser and unworthy of this heavenly Angel. :( Her beauty comes from within as well since she is so loving, caring, giving of her time such as volunteering for sick and elderly people, nurturing (cared for me when I was sick), sweet, loves to cuddle me, makes me feel good about myself...I could go on and on.

gaius Established Member

gaius

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Kill two birds with one stone and get her a trial account. :p

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StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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The way you describe yourself, you are probably right that she will dump you. Or she should anyways.

TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

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Pretty simple fix. If you need more time to yourself, you ask for it. You have the right to pursue what makes you happy, and being with a significant other ALL THE TIME is not that to many people. There's nothing wrong with wanting some time to play games or do other hobbies. Especially if not being able to do so is making you resent your relationship a bit, which is what sounds like is happening.

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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Everyone has a low point in their life. He can change that around.

 

Yeah I just am in a slump. I'm working a dead-end job doing tech support when I have my BS in Computer Science from an accredited college. I'm so skinny, geeky, ugly, too tall and lanky, etc.. but this girl sees me differently and tells me so. She keeps saying I am cute, a gentleman (I just open doors and stand when she enters..usual stuff), sensitive to her needs, treat her with respect, and best boyfriend ever. I feel so unworthy and if she knew that I rather be playing video games instead of being with her, it would upset her. I have suffered from low self esteem and depression. Maybe I am not ready for a relationship. I am 30 years old so why don't I feel ready??

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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Pretty simple fix. If you need more time to yourself, you ask for it. You have the right to pursue what makes you happy, and being with a significant other ALL THE TIME is not that to many people. There's nothing wrong with wanting some time to play games or do other hobbies. Especially if not being able to do so is making you resent your relationship a bit, which is what sounds like is happening.

 

Yeah I want her to lay off me a little and let me play video games. I just feel so suffocated sometimes. I want her to get really involved in something so it will distract her and been praying for it. Maybe that would help if I try to get her involved..

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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The way you describe yourself, you are probably right that she will dump you. Or she should anyways.

 

Yeah I think she will dump me at any time when she realizes she can get someone better than me. I can't believe she doesn't already realize that or would have. I am just a loser and unworthy tbh.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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You just need to set aside " you " time.

 

If she doesn't monopolize all of your attention you can find a happy medium between girlfriend and gaming. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you should give up something you have loved your whole life over a 2 month relationship.

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Not really about the relationship. He should lay off the games for a while and use that time to improve himself, learn to love himself, work out, build confidence, etc.

 

Okay well you are speaking through your own prism here.

 

 

1 year ago I went through a breakup. I've been an avid gamer my entire life. I decided to go work out. Go out to bars. etc. Then I still wasn't happy. And I realized why... I was making myself into something I'm not. Now I play all the games I want , and I go out when I feel like it. I love myself and I'm confident in myself.

 

 

So " going out " and " working out " is not a one size fits all solution to happiness.

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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I'm really boney so do not know if I can lift weights. Won't people there laugh at a skinny lanky loser? :(

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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Okay well you are speaking through your own prism here.

 

 

1 year ago I went through a breakup. I've been an avid gamer my entire life. I decided to go work out. Go out to bars. etc. Then I still wasn't happy. And I realized why... I was making myself into something I'm not. Now I play all the games I want , and I go out when I feel like it. I love myself and I'm confident in myself.

 

 

So " going out " and " working out " is not a one size fits all solution to happiness.

What games do you play? I am all for trying to better myself and situation. I worry what people may think if they see some skinny loser trying to lift a 5 lb weight. I imagine I will be laughed right out of a gym. :sick:

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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No, they won't. It's nothing like in the movies. Usually you'll get support if you know where to look.

 

How tall are you? How much do you weigh?

 

I am 6'2 and weigh 150ish.

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borderlandsbeau Member

borderlandsbeau

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If I get really muscular one if my girlfriend hates it? She told me she loved me the way I am. Or maybe she is saying that to make me feel good...? :confused:

CrystalCastles Established Member

CrystalCastles

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I am 6'2 and weigh 150ish.

 

You will absolutely not be laughed out of the gym. Everyone at the gym goes at their own pace, working out to make themselves feel good. You're there for you, not for the other guys. And other guys don't care how big you are or not. They're too focused on their own workouts. I know because I'm a regular at the gym at my uni.

 

And if you commit maybe 1 hour, twice a week, you'll get big in no time. I was a toothpick of a girl, and been going since June. Now I've got nice arms from lifting weights, and nice abs from my situps. You don't have to go full out crazy there. Just little by little.

 

And stop putting yourself down. You can't get anywhere with that negative attitude. All the things you don't like about yourself are easy to fix.

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Dark_history Established Member

Dark_history

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I get where the poster is coming from. I use to be a huge MMO player, doing the work, raid, sleep routine. I would bet that the OP still lives with his parents, as it is kind of needed to keep that type of life style.

 

Games are very addicted, they are an escape and constant adventure. The feeling you get when you beat a dungeon boss after having worked on it for weeks with your guild mates is, well it feels like you won the lottery.

 

I know it is hard to understand for those that haven't played games at such a level, or at all, it looks like a complete waste of time. But it is a form of entertainment, just like if you were a movie buff that loved to watch a bunch of movies, or just tv, its the same thing.

 

The issue is when you can not control yourself and manage your time well. I get it, you worry about making a raid time, that you may be kicked out of the raiding party if don't show up enough.

 

Right now you are going through the withdraws and you need to check it. Do try to make some time to play your game, but not too much time. As others said, you need a balance. Also the gym thing is a great idea, IF that is what you want to do. If you are forcing yourself, you are going to crash quit doing it. Hope you find the balance you need :)

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