LilGirlandOW Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Great advice above, approach him again, using the perspectives given here
salparadise Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) I hear you saying that other than his money attitude he has some good qualities, but I don't hear you saying that you love him. If you're not in love with him then it seems that letting him go would be an acceptable solution, and one that you suggested yourself. I think he's downright selfish, stingy, boorish... not because a man is "supposed" to pay, but because he said that you should be dipping into savings so that he can go to places that he can afford but you cannot without him having to pick up the check. I think this issue will become more distasteful over time regardless. If you're not head-over-heels in love why put up with this entitlement crap? Edited November 16, 2013 by salparadise
irc333 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Yeah, this guy is an engineer and living well, but not contributing your "price of admission" to these pricey events? What a cheapskate. So what's his problem, why won't he pay your way KNOWING how you can't afford it? WHAT KIND OF REAL MAN WOULD EXPECT HIS GIRLFRIEND TO PAY FOR HER OWN DATES????! I can understand the woman paying once in a while so they can do more things together, but if you are paying every time you go out, then this isn't a real relationship. I mean, the man needs to take care of his woman when they go out. Who started this idea of women paying for themselves? This is absolutely absurd and pisses me off! Even if the woman makes more money than the man, she should not have to pay for herself. That's like going dutch with a friend. You BF is a sad excuse I'm sorry. It sucks to have no money I know. He needs to start paying for ALL the activities while you are having financial issues. Trust me, there are plenty of guys who would be glad to pay for their women. It's the way it SHOULD be.
Blade96 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 He's a muppet. Sorry but he is. He's not like the other guy who I posted on his thread because he was actually worried he would look like trying to buy his gf's love because he does expensive dates and steps up to pay for them. Date him if you can find him
Grumpybutfun Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 OP: I paid for dates with girls always. Even casual dates. I paid for them because I really wanted them to know that I was happy they were with me. I liked them and wanted to have fun, and it was worth it for their company. I never understood the "gold digging" attitude. It seems almost aggressive and caustic from the get go because it implies that women are evil or bad before even knowing them. You say he is good in every other way, but if he doesn't respect you enough to not be selfish when choosing things to do or to pay your way, he isn't a good guy at all. If he has money, insists on doing stuff, and bankrupts you so you are eating canned food then he is an a$$ clown and needs to BOUNCE. It makes me furious that you are eating canned food because he is insensitive to your situation. It also makes me furious because he had shamed you into thinking it isn't okay for a guy to pay occasionally for a date with his girlfriend. Men actually respect women more who respect themselves and feel they're worth the time and effort rather than the ones who try to please a guy all the time. I know I would think a woman who rejected me paying or opening a door occasionally would feel pretty emasculating to me. I know women are equal and they can pay and open doors, but it just makes me happy to do that for someone I am into. Old fashioned chivalry is out, I suppose. Good luck and keep your savings for emergencies and your future, Grumps 9
Mascara Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 OP, yes I think you should draw up a budget, and let him know what amount is allocated each month to dates. So something along the lines of "we can do whatever you want, but just so you know - I have $100 dollars this month available for dating, when that's gone I'm afraid I can't contribute anything until next month. But I'm still happy to do free stuff unless you want to pay" Although it's quicker to say "you're dumped" 5
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 There are two types of guys who do this: - guys who are not all that into you 100%, don't do much for most girls they are with, then meet the one and move mountains for her ( and are a selfish loser with girls who arent "it" for them). MY EX WAS THAT GUY ^^^^^^^ - guys who are fundamentally selfish @ssholes. Sorry, but a man who earns a decnt living and has a stable job that will fare well in any job crisis should, indeed, shout you the majority. YES I know we are ADULTS and we should FEND FOR OURSELVES. Yes, we are grown women and no, I DO NOT expect men to wait on me. I DO, however, want a guy who is not only crazy about me, but enjoys spoiling me with flowers, cute presets on OCCASION, and wo shouts me the first few dates to show he is INTO me and that I AM WORTH it. The OP is probably like most women who want a guy who is generous with the time and money; the fact he earns significantly more than the OP who is STRUGGLING financially, is telling. I know enough about this scenario to know it is best for the OP to end it with him. This guy is not a very nice generous and altruistic man. Tight@sses are a HUGE turn off. Again, NO - I want my own career thanks and to be able to support myself. I do, however, need a man to WANT to spoil me, but whom I will not EXPECT too mch from, either. And who I will spoil back, if not in csh, in massages and my undividded attention:love: 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 OP: I paid for dates with girls always. Even casual dates. I paid for them because I really wanted them to know that I was happy they were with me. I liked them and wanted to have fun, and it was worth it for their company. I never understood the "gold digging" attitude. It seems almost aggressive and caustic from the get go because it implies that women are evil or bad before even knowing them. You say he is good in every other way, but if he doesn't respect you enough to not be selfish when choosing things to do or to pay your way, he isn't a good guy at all. If he has money, insists on doing stuff, and bankrupts you so you are eating canned food then he is an a$$ clown and needs to BOUNCE. It makes me furious that you are eating canned food because he is insensitive to your situation. It also makes me furious because he had shamed you into thinking it isn't okay for a guy to pay occasionally for a date with his girlfriend. Men actually respect women more who respect themselves and feel they're worth the time and effort rather than the ones who try to please a guy all the time. I know I would think a woman who rejected me paying or opening a door occasionally would feel pretty emasculating to me. I know women are equal and they can pay and open doors, but it just makes me happy to do that for someone I am into. Old fashioned chivalry is out, I suppose. Good luck and keep your savings for emergencies and your future, Grumps Yep, my ex was like this. Mind you, he had no consistant job whilst with me, however, he used his credit card to binge drink some weekends and send thousands on his fish tanks:lmao: Buying me little surprise gifts were was never a thought. Paying for dates never were, either. He has a model 10 years younger than me now, as well as a steady job. I AM SURE he is spoiling the sh*t out of HER These guys nver change, unless they meet some gorgeous model or a really hot chick who makes them want to run marathons to have them. Or they don't even change for ANY girl. Either way, guys like this are not selfless, nice people really. My ex has a really good heart, but is very selfish. In the bedroom and with his money.
soccerrprp Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 My ex has a really good heart, but is very selfish. In the bedroom and with his money. Characterizations of people like this are baffling to me. He has such a good heart that he's selfish (inconsiderate) while making love and with his generosity or money. What a good heart...(sarcasm) Reminds me of a woman I used to date and her characterization of her ex...he's a good person, but he's an ass to his father, he's arrogant, he's unreliable, he sends angry texts, he.... good person my a$$.... 4
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 My boyfriend has a college degree and is an engineer. I have a Masters degree and work in an underpaid field (which I love too by the way). When my bf and I first started dating, I had just gotten out of graduate school, gotten my current job and had moved back home with my parents. They did not force me to pay for anything and my student loans hadn’t started yet, so I had a lot of extra money. My boyfriend makes nearly 3 times more than me. He moved up quickly in his field. My job doesn’t pay super well, but I really like the job, the benefits are excellent and I will get raises in the future, my first one starting in 4 months but it wont be a huge raise. I could look for a better paying job but I need to stay at my current job for a few years to build experience before I do that. Also, my field is underpaid so I wont be able to get one that much better paying anyway My boyfriend likes to go out and do things and I do too. Its one of the things I do like about him. However, when I moved out 5 months ago (after being home for around 8 months) that really cut down on how much I can go out and spend money. I cannot be constantly going to concerts, high priced museums, restaurants, etc. Even with my roommate and living frugally, I don’t have a lot of extra cash to spend. I do have some savings, but Im saving it all for a new car because my current one is about to die and without that savings, I wont be able to afford a new one. I have told my boyfriend this, that my budget isn’t the same now that I have moved out. He says he understands but after a week or two of not going out and spending money as much as he wants, he gets ancy and starts suggesting more expensive dates. I have gone to parks with him, free museums, we’ve watched movies, had game nights but he’d rather go out more than stay in. He always suggests places that cost money and a few times he said I should start dipping into my savings if I am that poor Last month I still ending up spending too much because of him and didn’t have enough money to buy a full months worth of groceries this month. It’s the only aspect in my life I can cut down on (I’m already a coupon user too) so I have been eating a ton of canned vegetables for meals since the 1st of this month because I have no money left for food. I pay for myself on our dates (have since after date 4 or so). I don’t think a guy should pay for me. He is adamant girls who expect men to pay for them are freeloaders and golddiggers, which is the attitude I find of most men today anyway. I get it- but I cannot afford him anymore and its nothing about being a golddigger. Before I moved out, I even treated him to a few things since he paid in the beginning. I told him if he wont tolerate me putting my foot down about more moneyless dates, he needs to pay for me if he wants to do something. He doesn’t want to do it. Yet, he complains if we have too many moneyless or staying in dates. Im starting to get frustrated and think about dumping him so I am less financially stressed and dont have to constantly worry about not meeting my budget because he wont pay for a few of our dates nor will he go on many moneyless dates. I don’t have cable, I don’t have a smartphone. I do live in an area that is pretty high with standards of living, but I cant move as of right now. I havent bought myself new clothes or makeup since I have moved out 5 months ago. I am currently doing income based on my student loans. I really cannot get any more frugal. I am glad I have more traditional values. Some women shoot themselves in the foot with this "oh I am so independent" stuff that it shifts what is more innate for "new age" societal norms. Coupled with many people's lack of judgement creates this paranoia that a girl is only looking for a meal ticket if she maintains traditional values. Anyway, I digress. Your boyfriend is a cheap, self centered jerk. This is why I will never push the whole "I pay my own way each time." Even if I make the same as the man, I personally have to be courted to be shown you truly care for me and when I am bearing your children you will be able to hold down the household. The only exception I'd make is if I'm making a lot more than him. During marriage I also will combine finances but until then I need to know a man can provide. Don't get me wrong, I pay sometimes and the more I love you the more I will buy you things if I think you'd like them plus I can whip up gourmet meals every week (I'm very maternal and domestic by culture) with much glee so it's not like it would be completely one-sided. I also know how to please and take care of my man and make him feel like a king. You are his gf, not some random chick he is meeting up with online that he barely knows. I would think by now he would have assessed your character to know you are not a gold digger. A real man would even help you out while you try to get on your feet because you're not LAZY; you are ambitious with your own goals in mind. I don't condone a lot of new "normal" of over assertive feminism because you will more than likely continue to be a cheapskate magnet. If you naturally want to take turns paying, that is fine most people I know do this but if he is so inconsiderate of your income; that is wrong. He doesn't want to compromise and no way in hades I am dipping in my savings to date some over zealous monetary conservationist who clearly has marginal respect and esteem for me. Maybe date a "modern man" who has the same mindset as you that just because he is a man doesn't mean he should take care of you, but at least respects you enough to go to places you BOTH can afford so it's fair! 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Characterizations of people like this are baffling to me. He has such a good heart that he's selfish (inconsiderate) while making love and with his generosity or money. What a good heart...(sarcasm) Reminds me of a woman I used to date and her characterization of her ex...he's a good person, but he's an ass to his father, he's arrogant, he's unreliable, he sends angry texts, he.... good person my a$$.... Doesn't make my ex a bad person. He loves dogs, he cuddled his dogs in bed in his arms at night, he is CAPABLE of feeling intense love - he just wasnt in love with me, and therefore, was not driven to please me sexually all that much, nor was he motivated to buy me nice things. He has a heart and he has feelings, he cares very much about people and believe he cared a lot about me and still does. Some people are selfish in theit nature, without being bad people. My ex wouldnt hurt a fly, and would feed all the stray dogs whilst overseas cos it broke hs heart. The OP'S guy? Well, my ex was not rich. He has ASSETS but he was out of work and had no money in the bank whatsoever. The OP"S bf, to me, sounds more selfish and like less of a nice guy than my ex, since he has the MEANS to do nice things for her. Although my ex was not much better when it came to money...
Kate9292 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend has a college degree and is an engineer. I have a Masters degree and work in an underpaid field (which I love too by the way). When my bf and I first started dating, I had just gotten out of graduate school, gotten my current job and had moved back home with my parents. They did not force me to pay for anything and my student loans hadn’t started yet, so I had a lot of extra money. My boyfriend makes nearly 3 times more than me. He moved up quickly in his field. My job doesn’t pay super well, but I really like the job, the benefits are excellent and I will get raises in the future, my first one starting in 4 months but it wont be a huge raise. I could look for a better paying job but I need to stay at my current job for a few years to build experience before I do that. Also, my field is underpaid so I wont be able to get one that much better paying anyway My boyfriend likes to go out and do things and I do too. Its one of the things I do like about him. However, when I moved out 5 months ago (after being home for around 8 months) that really cut down on how much I can go out and spend money. I cannot be constantly going to concerts, high priced museums, restaurants, etc. Even with my roommate and living frugally, I don’t have a lot of extra cash to spend. I do have some savings, but Im saving it all for a new car because my current one is about to die and without that savings, I wont be able to afford a new one. I have told my boyfriend this, that my budget isn’t the same now that I have moved out. He says he understands but after a week or two of not going out and spending money as much as he wants, he gets ancy and starts suggesting more expensive dates. I have gone to parks with him, free museums, we’ve watched movies, had game nights but he’d rather go out more than stay in. He always suggests places that cost money and a few times he said I should start dipping into my savings if I am that poor Last month I still ending up spending too much because of him and didn’t have enough money to buy a full months worth of groceries this month. It’s the only aspect in my life I can cut down on (I’m already a coupon user too) so I have been eating a ton of canned vegetables for meals since the 1st of this month because I have no money left for food. I pay for myself on our dates (have since after date 4 or so). I don’t think a guy should pay for me. He is adamant girls who expect men to pay for them are freeloaders and golddiggers, which is the attitude I find of most men today anyway. I get it- but I cannot afford him anymore and its nothing about being a golddigger. Before I moved out, I even treated him to a few things since he paid in the beginning. I told him if he wont tolerate me putting my foot down about more moneyless dates, he needs to pay for me if he wants to do something. He doesn’t want to do it. Yet, he complains if we have too many moneyless or staying in dates. Im starting to get frustrated and think about dumping him so I am less financially stressed and dont have to constantly worry about not meeting my budget because he wont pay for a few of our dates nor will he go on many moneyless dates. I don’t have cable, I don’t have a smartphone. I do live in an area that is pretty high with standards of living, but I cant move as of right now. I havent bought myself new clothes or makeup since I have moved out 5 months ago. I am currently doing income based on my student loans. I really cannot get any more frugal. He sounds like a real *******. He should be concerned with how hard it is for you financially and not strain you more, justifying it with bitter woman-hating nonsense. Seriously, how does it feel knowing that instead of loving and caring about you he goes on bitter tirades about gold diggers and freeloaders? It must suck hard. Look for guys that won't do that. Edited November 16, 2013 by Kate9292 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I will give you an example of a monetary mismatch. My good friend met a guy who is head over heals for her. She is finishing her degree; she is a student. Therfore, HE spoils her and foots the bill EVERY TIME they go out - because E has a stable, well paid job. She doesn't. She gets about 290 AUD to live on. She lives at home but pays board. He makes thousands a week. He insists on paying, although she does not take it for granted: when he was ill in bed, she was with me and she was walking around like a headless chicken, trying to find a present to make him feel better:love: Once she gets her professional job, I am sure she wil chip in occsionally, though he will still most of the time since his job is secure ad well paid. ............................................................. My broke ass ex who had assets but NO cash in hand, supported me when I needed it at times when I ran out of money. NO WAY was he going to let me starve. And HE WAS A JERK! ................................................................. I told my most recent ex what my deal was : my parents got me a VERY NICE flat and decent car, I live comfortably yet I HAVE NO MONEY to spend on dinners or what not. I asked him flat out if it bothered him that I was merely a student on student grants.. He said " not at all, it means I can spoil you" ................................................................. Those are just SOME examples. What would your mother say? My mum always says that she hopes I can find a guy who can take care of me and do nice things for me. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Doesn't make my ex a bad person. He loves dogs, he cuddled his dogs in bed in his arms at night, he is CAPABLE of feeling intense love - he just wasnt in love with me, and therefore, was not driven to please me sexually all that much, nor was he motivated to buy me nice things. He has a heart and he has feelings, he cares very much about people and believe he cared a lot about me and still does. Some people are selfish in theit nature, without being bad people. My ex wouldnt hurt a fly, and would feed all the stray dogs whilst overseas cos it broke hs heart. The OP'S guy? Well, my ex was not rich. He has ASSETS but he was out of work and had no money in the bank whatsoever. The OP"S bf, to me, sounds more selfish and like less of a nice guy than my ex, since he has the MEANS to do nice things for her. Although my ex was not much better when it came to money... Leigh, You're right. In your situation, you are right. But, man people have such low standards when they start characterizing people as good, decent, etc. Sorry.
Sanman Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Well, I'm not going to jump on the hating this band wagon quite yet. They are not married and I have no idea how serious they are. While I agree couples should help each other, I also have friends in this guy's situation. One friend's wife had gotten comfortable being paid for, she can't get her life together and support herself. OP, part of being independent is supporting yourself. However, part of supporting yourself is making a budget as mascara pointed out. You can only do what you can do. Beyond that point you need to let home know you are uncomfortable spending money and that you are not going to expensive places with him. Then he has a choice to make. If he finds the situation unacceptable, you have to decide if being with him is the best thing for you in the long term.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 OP: I paid for dates with girls always. Even casual dates. I paid for them because I really wanted them to know that I was happy they were with me. I liked them and wanted to have fun, and it was worth it for their company. I never understood the "gold digging" attitude. It seems almost aggressive and caustic from the get go because it implies that women are evil or bad before even knowing them. You say he is good in every other way, but if he doesn't respect you enough to not be selfish when choosing things to do or to pay your way, he isn't a good guy at all. If he has money, insists on doing stuff, and bankrupts you so you are eating canned food then he is an a$$ clown and needs to BOUNCE. It makes me furious that you are eating canned food because he is insensitive to your situation. It also makes me furious because he had shamed you into thinking it isn't okay for a guy to pay occasionally for a date with his girlfriend. Men actually respect women more who respect themselves and feel they're worth the time and effort rather than the ones who try to please a guy all the time. I know I would think a woman who rejected me paying or opening a door occasionally would feel pretty emasculating to me. I know women are equal and they can pay and open doors, but it just makes me happy to do that for someone I am into. Old fashioned chivalry is out, I suppose. Good luck and keep your savings for emergencies and your future, Grumps Are you single? :-P
odin673 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 A lot of interesting replies in this thread. It's the 21st century. Women have jobs and a man is not your entertainment budget. You're not a princess. With that said, he should be sensitive to your finances. He should either pay more(he pay for 3 dates, you pay for one) or date with your budget in mind. Taking you to places that he can easily afford but you can't is very self centered. Be honest that you're broke and deny his request to go out on those grounds. Put your foot down. 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Leigh, You're right. In your situation, you are right. But, man people have such low standards when they start characterizing people as good, decent, etc. Sorry. Sure. Yeah, my parents are superrrrrr generous, always doing stuff that people couldnt even believe, so I am actually more fussy, if anything.... I am way too harsh on people if they are not super generous:lmao: I shout people and like to be shouted. I pick people up and drop them off if need be and don't expect anything but them to be grateful. When my mates are in trouble, I will happily drive an hour to pick them up if the need a place to stay. I do not for a second think that just because a guy sweet talks you, that he is a nice person:sick: Is that what you mean when you say girls sometimes have low standards as to what being "nice" actually constitutes? I strongly prefer MEN who are like me, and spoil me. I do nice things for them enough for them to feel special also, but prefer them to spoil me with the bill. One guy said " oh crap, I am not getting paid until Mon, can we hang then (he is a student on government grants). He said: " I don't like to take a girl out unless I can pay, so I would prefer to wait until Monday, so I can shout you the movie ticks and stuff:)" THAT is the sort of guy I prefer. I bet the OP prefers this sort of a man, too. MOST women do, deep down. I really think my ex is a good person... He has a big heart, he really does. He still checks in on me and cares about me very much, he has a lot of empathy for other people and gets very afflicted when people he cares about are hurt. His father ws selfish in nature and brought new women home often, where as my parents were VERY generous with teir money and time for others. I have turned out generous, where as he has turned out a little more selfish in nature. Perhaps parants play a large part? I wonder if the OP'S boyfriend had stingly parents? Here is a sexual example. I am using it, as I think money and sex and the correlation to men and their generosity in these two areas, are closely linked: He is just selfish when it comes to the bedroom, and even then he was willing to please me and enjoy it - which he did, it just went against his NATURE, he much PREFERS to lay back and get pleasure. Yeah, so he didn't enjoy _____, but knew it was a deal breaker for me, so he immediately said he would do it to me and learn to like it. Which he did. Just not enough as the guys I have had since him who were obsessed with it. He still agreed to do it and learn to like it, because he cared about me. ............................................... If my JERK ex had a good enough heart to TRY HIS BEST to go AGSINST his selfish nature, then why can't the OP'S guy suck it up, and think: " hmm well, I value this woman and I am in love with her, and I want to make her happy. Maybe I will part with slightly more cash than I am comfortable with, since she needs it to feel special and loved, in addition to other things of course"
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 A lot of interesting replies in this thread. It's the 21st century. Women have jobs and a man is not your entertainment budget. You're not a princess. With that said, he should be sensitive to your finances. He should either pay more(he pay for 3 dates, you pay for one) or date with your budget in mind. Taking you to places that he can easily afford but you can't is very self centered. Be honest that you're broke and deny his request to go out on those grounds. Put your foot down. Be honest "she is broke?" She already expressed that!! He is not ignorant of the situation but refuses to budge! And just because a woman holds more traditional values doesn't mean I want to be treated a princess; in fact, I want to be treated like the QUEEN I am and as a QUEEN I am only suitable for a KING. Different people have different ideas and it annoys me when people act as if there are absolutes. If going dutch all the time or "taking turns" works for you fine; I have no qualms with what other people do that work for them. I hate when people act as if a women is more traditional she is a "looking for a ride." I enjoy cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids AND being an entrepreneur. To me, the embodiment of a "modern woman." Not denying what is innate while progressing in her own ambitions. I date men with the same view points so not really as issue for me. As I've said before, if I am making more, we both make the same, etc. I may have a slightly different perspective. Anyway I hope this poster ditches this loser. 3
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) [quote name=Leigh 87 I wonder if the OP'S boyfriend had stingly parents? Here is a sexual example. I am using it, as I think money and sex and the correlation to men and their generosity in these two areas, are closely linked: He is just selfish when it comes to the bedroom, and even then he was willing to please me and enjoy it - which he did, it just went against his NATURE, he much PREFERS to lay back and get pleasure. Yeah, so he didn't enjoy _____, but knew it was a deal breaker for me, so he immediately said he would do it to me and learn to like it. Which he did. Just not enough as the guys I have had since him who were obsessed with it. He still agreed to do it and learn to like it, because he cared about me. ............................................... His upbringing most likely contributed to his perspective. Also, maybe his poor judgment of character has bit him in the butt in the past, so now he has a polarized view on things. Maybe one girl took advantage of him and he is hell bent on it never happening again so he is being "precautious." And from my experience you are correct with the sex/money being correlated. The most selfish lover I had was also a bit stingy. I was about to start college and he was like 10yrs my senior, working a good job but really a whiner. He would take me out, but would calculate oh, "I drove 48.237 miles to see you today costing me approximately $7.85 in gas." Interestingly enough he was also an engineer . To be fair, he also whined about EVERYTHING it was so annoying and effiminate to see a man b***h and moan about people, life, things. Like, shut up and be happy for once. In bed, he was just take take take take take. Always wanted bjs (which he would also complain about yet others have said it's amazing; how ironic ::rolls eyes: yet I can count on one hand how many times he returned the favor (and never finished btw) and when I said, you know, we've been together 7 months and you've never made me cum, he said, "so?" Apparently getting his ex off via phone sex was more important. How lame is that? And when it was obvious I was about to cum during sex he would stop or pull out. And I'm looking at him like WTF. Why would you do that when someone is almost there? Boner kill for sure. Funny thing is when we broke up and I got back with my first love, he tried SO HARD to get me back. Eventually when I dumped the first love and I started hanging back out with el cheapo as friends LOL I made him devour the va-jay jay like a hungry lion time after time, never ever dared to give him anything back besides hand jobs (mine are pretty legendary btw LOL) and it was the sweetest revenge. Turns out he was just being LAZY when we were together before and when he put in the work...LORD HAVE MERCY. The mother sucker even had the cheek to make several pleas for me to MARRY HIM when he finally saw the light. Please pardon the tangent... Edited November 16, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 His upbringing most likely contributed to his perspective. Also, maybe his poor judgment of character has bit him in the butt in the past, so now he has a polarized view on things. Maybe one girl took advantage of him and he is hell bent on it never happening again so he is being "precautious." And from my experience you are correct with the sex/money being correlated. The most selfish lover I had was also a bit stingy. I was about to start college and he was like 10yrs my senior, working a good job but really a whiner. He would take me out, but would calculate oh, "I drove 48.237 miles to see you today costing me approximately $7.85 in gas." Interestingly enough he was also an engineer . To be fair, he also whined about EVERYTHING it was so annoying and effiminate to see a man b***h and moan about people, life, things. Like, shut up and be happy for once. In bed, he was just take take take take take. Always wanted bjs (which he would also complain about yet others have said it's amazing; how ironic ::rolls eyes: yet I can count on one hand how many times he returned the favor (and never finished btw) and when I said, you know, we've been together 7 months and you've never made me cum, he said, "so?" Apparently getting his ex off via phone sex was more important. How lame is that? And when it was obvious I was about to cum during sex he would stop or pull out. And I'm looking at him like WTF. Why would you do that when someone is almost there? Boner kill for sure. Funny thing is when we broke up and I got back with my first love, he tried SO HARD to get me back. Eventually when I dumped the first love and I started hanging back out with el cheapo as friends LOL I made him devour the va-jay jay like a hungry lion time after time, never ever dared to give him anything back besides hand jobs (mine are pretty legendary btw LOL) and it was the sweetest revenge. Turns out he was just being LAZY when we were together before and when he put in the work...LORD HAVE MERCY. The mother sucker even had the cheek to make several pleas for me to MARRY HIM when he finally saw the light. Please pardon the tangent... :lmao:so you made him eat you up and then you spat him out:lmao: What a funny story. My ex was extremely loving to me, he just never got that fire in his heart about me, that compelles a guy to buy his partner a random present every noe and again. I do not believe it was because he was a bad person. I honestly think he will make the effort with his young model girlfriend now. She probably turns him on in a way I never could. He is shallow, by the way, and is the type to NOT go down and please a women or do much for her, if she is plain and awesome; give him a model who is awesome and he will probably want to live between her legs. The OP'S guy and your ex simply sound like not the most nice people on the planet. My ex had a big heart, and was very loving towards me every day; he just wasnt in love with me, and was not compelled to go the extra mile. He will with the right woman. I mean, lets think here: if the OP'S boyfriend really IS that stingy to ALL women he dates, IS IT BETTER, because it IS NOT due to the OP not being "it" for him? It is probably down to his character, and he does not sound like he will ever change; where as I know my ex WILL change for the right woman. Maybe the OP'S guy is head over heals for her, but cannot show it due to him being selfish and lacking a basic level of consideration for humsn beings in general (letting his gf live on tinned food due to their dating life). IN ANY CASE it is not good for the OP. Even if a guy was totally, crazily in love with me, I STILL wouldnt put up with stingy behaviour. Not a chance. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 UP BRINGING: Interesting notion, that the OP'S parnter may simply be a product of his environment. Is this trait inbuilt and, therefore, cannot be unlearned? My ex was selfish by nature, perhaps to his father, however; his mother was a wonderful person who was SO generous. She picked my ex up at ALL HOURS of the morning, no matter WHERE he was, INTO HIS 20'S. Dad? Selfish but a good person. His mother was a seriously generous and lovely women. His sister is a right b*tch:lmao: BIG time. I RARELY say that about people. I think my ex will change his stingy, tight ass ways for the right girl, since I saw enough evidence of genuine kindness within him. The OP'S partner? Hmm. Depends if one or both of his parents or siblings were nasty and/or tight asses with their time and money. I hope, for the tight asses sake, he can change.... No decent and lovely girl will likely want to put up with a man like him. Maybe it will take losing the OP for him to realise that he can't have ver meaningful, adult relationships, if he won't be a gentlemen?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I agree your boyfriend sounds very selfish, and not like great husband material. In all my years of relationships, I've only been with one guy (in high school) who was cheap and stingy. It was such a wake-up call when I left his stingy ass and found a man who treated me well and loved taking me on nice dates, vacations, treating me to sweet little things often. I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. I've never asked for any of this from the men I've been with - they just offered, and I accepted with gratitude. If you do decide to stay with him in spite of his stinginess and lack of consideration, I think you need to get clear about your budget and boundaries around money. If you know that you only have $200 for your monthly entertainment budget (or however much), it's up to you to plan accordingly. So you know you have $50/week for fun money. If your boyfriend invites you to something that costs $100, if you want to go, all right, that's 2 weeks of fun money. If it's the third week of the month and you've used it all up, tell him your fun budget is exhausted and ask if he has any more affordable ideas. I think a guy who doesn't cover the cost or come up with a budget idea at that point... well, isn't much of a man. I think it would be natural for most women to lose attraction to a guy like that and leave him. 4
Versacehottie Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Dump him. A guy that is stingy with money will be stingy with other things and is always keeping score. Also you can change your position for the next guy you date. Let them pay sometimes. A guy who is a good guy and who can afford to wants to do that because it is part of how they court you. Plus as you said you haven't had a chance to buy makeup, clothes for 5 months--girls often spend more preparing for a date, doing a home date than guys spend ON a date. You don't sound like a golddigger at all. It's very convenient for him to spew his theories on this stuff rather than treat you sometimes. Take even the money part out of it, it sounds like you both have been dating long enough that he should take your current circumstances into consideration. And a true partnership and one that is worth moving forward with will have that element. You took his into consideration when you lived at home. It sounds unbalanced and selfish of him to be like this. In all fairness, give him the chance to work on it by speaking to him about your concerns. If you have already done that without progress, move on. Good luck! 1
soccerrprp Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Doesn't make my ex a bad person. He loves dogs, he cuddled his dogs in bed in his arms at night, he is CAPABLE of feeling intense love... Someone who can cuddle his dog (a pet) does not make for a good person. I know people who love their pets more then human beings or even their own family. THAT, in my book, is not something to celebrate. But, again, I understand you.
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