Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 You sound quite like me in my own relationship! I constantly get upset when he doesn’t reply to my texts quick enough, or doesn’t say ‘I love you’ first, or simple, silly things like that! My boyfriend is a very hard person to connect with emotionally, and doesn’t like to share his feelings, whereas I am the opposite and want to constantly tell him how I feel and how much I care for him and when he doesn’t do it back, it makes me feel like I care more! However recently, we broke up and then got back together after he said he wanted to give it another try, and I know it was my emotional problems and my dependance on him that was pushing him away, he said we were two different people and I was so ‘full on’ while he was happy just taking things slowly. This has opened my eyes to how I need to change, to give him space to hang out with his own friends and actually trust him and believe him when he tells me he loves me, instead of automatically thinking ‘but I love you more’. I hope you figure things out, I am still figuring things out, but I know that I have to relax more and not be so serious about the relationship because next time we reach an ultimatum, I know it will be over for good. So good luck, and if you need to talk, I would be happy to try and help you out if you do the same for me Aww I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this! Last night he said I love you first and it was soooo sweet, it's like it re-charged my battery and I'm high up in the clouds now...lol. I just like the small things and this weekend he was very sweet and attentive (and cuddly!). I'm trying to be more independent and really focusing on my thoughts before I act on them. Tonight he wanted me to come over, but I am tired so I decided to stay home. I want to see him, but it's good to have time apart once in awhile since we spend the whole weekend together. It's good to make him miss me and know that I don't always need him. It's just during the week when I'm at my boring job that I go crazy and miss him. I need to leave my phone at home! lol You can talk to me anytime you want CSI, just pop on this thread and share your anxieties. From now on, I will make sure to go on here before I text him something that might start a fight. We can both help each other!
csi Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Aww I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this! Last night he said I love you first and it was soooo sweet, it's like it re-charged my battery and I'm high up in the clouds now...lol. I just like the small things and this weekend he was very sweet and attentive (and cuddly!). I'm trying to be more independent and really focusing on my thoughts before I act on them. Tonight he wanted me to come over, but I am tired so I decided to stay home. I want to see him, but it's good to have time apart once in awhile since we spend the whole weekend together. It's good to make him miss me and know that I don't always need him. It's just during the week when I'm at my boring job that I go crazy and miss him. I need to leave my phone at home! lol You can talk to me anytime you want CSI, just pop on this thread and share your anxieties. From now on, I will make sure to go on here before I text him something that might start a fight. We can both help each other! I also have boring job where it doesn’t really require much thought to do, so therefore I pretty much have alllll day to think about everything, which just causes me to overthink and actually invent problems that don’t even exist! Thats good that you didn’t go to his house when he asked, it shows that you can actually think for yourself and decide to have space which shows maturity! (something I lack haha!) These past few months I found myself just complaing over everything and picking a fight pretty much every night over text and for no good reason, and it just made my bf more and more annoyed that I couldn’t just accept the love he was giving me since he was trying the best he could! He isn’t a romantic person at all, but when he does try and do something romantic for me, it is always amazing, and I was expecting waaaay too much from him, I mean, every person has there limits! Its just because I would do so much for him, I expect the same into return, but to love with expectations is what love truly is. From now on I am just going to give without expecting something in return, and his happiness is MY happiness! 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 I also have boring job where it doesn’t really require much thought to do, so therefore I pretty much have alllll day to think about everything, which just causes me to overthink and actually invent problems that don’t even exist! Thats good that you didn’t go to his house when he asked, it shows that you can actually think for yourself and decide to have space which shows maturity! (something I lack haha!) These past few months I found myself just complaing over everything and picking a fight pretty much every night over text and for no good reason, and it just made my bf more and more annoyed that I couldn’t just accept the love he was giving me since he was trying the best he could! He isn’t a romantic person at all, but when he does try and do something romantic for me, it is always amazing, and I was expecting waaaay too much from him, I mean, every person has there limits! Its just because I would do so much for him, I expect the same into return, but to love with expectations is what love truly is. From now on I am just going to give without expecting something in return, and his happiness is MY happiness! You and I are very similar my dear! Yea, today he already left work and at work he isn't allowed to use his phone. I didn't hear a peep from him, which makes me kind of sad. But I refrained from showing my insecurities as I know he will call me tonight. Last night when I told him I'm staying home, he was bummed and sad. But I am going to spend my time alone again tonight because I've been tired lately and just feel like I need to catch up on rest. I miss him dearly and love spending time with him, but he doesn't get off till 10pm at night and I got to work early the next day. Then on Tuesday I won't see him either because he is going to a concert. So looks like Wednesday for now! It's good to have some space, but it's also important to fill that space with friends, family, and doing things for yourself so you don't pine over them. At work I am trying to keep busy enough so I don't text him a lot, but so far today I've done good. We will see how long it lasts! And my boyfriend isn't romantic either. Which is a bummer because I am. I love to shower him with gifts and love notes, but that just isn't who he is. Except what you can't change, and love all the rest. I just need to remember that our moments we are together are great and I need to be more independent when we aren't together. I move in soon so I won't have to worry about not seeing him everyday haha. Practice, practice, practice! WE can do this!
NJtoDC Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 And my boyfriend isn't romantic either. Which is a bummer because I am. I love to shower him with gifts and love notes, but that just isn't who he is. Except what you can't change, and love all the rest. ! But I don't wanna accept my BF not being romantic. I want flowers. I've told him sweetly a few times. No flowers yet. Pooh! *sigh* Men.
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 But I don't wanna accept my BF not being romantic. I want flowers. I've told him sweetly a few times. No flowers yet. Pooh! *sigh* Men. Haha I've never asked for them. He has bought me flowers a couple times, but I don't want to make a guy do something he just doesn't want to do either. He is very attentive, cuddly, kissey and sweet in person, so I'll take that over flowers any day.
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 19, 2013 Author Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) I told him I need a break this morning, wrote it on a fresh piece of paper for him to read when he wakes up. After spending a night away from him, he acted like he was so anxious to see me and didn't want me to spend another night without him. so I went over to his house. He got home late from work, hardly said two words to me and took his time eating/showering and doing other mundane things. He was opening his mail while I was reading something to him that was funny, completely ignoring me. Well must say, laughing alone is awkward. It was really late at night before he actually got to sit down on the couch beside me. By this time I was upset. I spoke to him in a calm matter and reminded him I'm not trying to start a fight, but just mention my feelings. Tried to explain to him how little attention I had received from him after he practically begged me to come over. He got defensive thinking I was trying to pick a fight. And told me how every other day we have to argue about something. He became aloof. I go into the other room hoping he will follow me, hug me, kiss me and say I miss you. He doesn't. I come back out and join him on the couch and he just is so careless. His head is in another dimension. My mind spins and gets angry and he just thinks about nothing, absolutely nothing. I asked him how he does that, he just said it's who he is. I finally let my guard down and just tried to cuddle him. He cuddled back. I looked at him and asked, "you think we are making the right decision to move in together?" He looked at my eyes and looked away. Nothing. In his head he muttered his answer, but not for me to hear. It wasn't till he tucked me into bed later that I asked him again and for an honest answer. He could only shrug his shoulders and muster the words, "I don't know". That's it? After 3 years, YOU DON'T KNOW?! Why is he so bad at communicating? Why does he just not care? Edited November 19, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks
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