HokeyReligions Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 It does have weight to it and we take it seriously everytime we say it - dozens of times a day. Its important and we never take it lightly and it doesn't lose its power if said after an argument even if we said a thousand times that day. Sometimes when do have a disagreement I'll say "I love you anyway" or "I love you in spite of yourself" which effectively ends the argument. Or hubby will say "you still know I love you right?" It never gets old and never loses its power because we won't let it. But that's us.
Got it Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 We say it every day, multiple times a day. Not on every call but when we mean it.
MissBee Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 When in a serious relationship, how often do you tell the other person you love them? Do they say it back when you do? And if they don't, how do you feel? I can't imagine being in a relationship where I say "I love you" and the person doesn't say it back...that's very strange. Hmmm usually daily, that is at least once a day. But it differed depending on the relationship. In one relationship he was particularly expressive so he told me at least 5 times a day, everyday, and would even call me just to say "Don't remember if I told you I love you all day, but I love you"...it was very sweet. In other relationships they didn't do it to that extent but once a day was the minimum usually and certainly if I said it first it would be reciprocated. If I was with someone whom when I said I loved them said nothing, we would have a huge problem.
MissBee Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 When I'm in a relationship that has reached the ILY stage, I say it often. I don't agree that it should be used sparingly. Once love exists, it's constant. It doesn't come and go. So why should the declarations. A reminder of love can be a daily thing without losing its power, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who felt they had to reserve it. I totally agree. It is a strange idea to me that if you're in a permanent relationship, like marriage for example, that somehow you have to save up your ILYs til you "mean it"...HUH???!!! I thought marrying the person meant you mean it and thus that love exists and is there and saying it is simply reiterating it. I think in casual dating people throw around ILYs too quickly and usually when it's still lust/infatuation. I am wary of someone declaring their love too quickly and I think doing that can cause it to lose meaning when you love every person you've dated for 2 weeks...but in LTRs and marriages the love should already be there and be mature and can be vocalized any number of times without losing its power.
greenfairie Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I can't keep track of when I would say that but I would say it often..
skydiveaddict Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 When in a serious relationship, how often do you tell the other person you love them? Do they say it back when you do? And if they don't, how do you feel? We said it to each other all the time; letters, email, phone calls. But apparently she didn't mean it. She left while I was deployed.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I like to say it a lot, at least every day. I can't wait to have someone in my life to say it to.
Grumpybutfun Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I have only said it to my wife, and I say it when I feel it which is all the d*mn time. She likes expression and she doesn't think it loses its value if you say it all the time, and I don't either. More importantly, I show it and she shows it by being present with each other and attentive. G 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I suppose it depends on the relationship and the people. I guess I wouldn't be opposed to hearing it more often, duh, but I had a boyfriend once who said it ALL THE TIME, and he wound up cheating on me with 3 other girls. My dad says it all the time to his girlfriend too and he is a cheater....I guess that is why I'm okay with my current boyfriend saying it less. Not saying that those who say it all the time cheat, but it's just my own experience so it kind of effected me personally.
MidwestUSA Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 My husband and I end every conversation with it - phone, text, and every departure. He was 11 when his 17 year old sister was killed tragically in a car accident. He remembers her last interaction with her - telling her she was fat, and calling her 'hippo'. 35 years later, this is on his mind; I had to explain that he was a typical 11 year old boy. He ends every conversation with his brothers (6!) with multiple ILYs, and they reciprocate. Well, all but one, anyway! I never get tired of hearing it. 4
ltjg45 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 If I was in one, I rather do it once every 2-3 days. I really don't want to hear it over and over again. It would drive me batty. 1
madjac74 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 In response to the OP's question...Aren't many "I love you's" watered down because they are in response to a tactical "I love you"?
Shepp Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 My husband and I end every conversation with it - phone, text, and every departure. He was 11 when his 17 year old sister was killed tragically in a car accident. He remembers her last interaction with her - telling her she was fat, and calling her 'hippo'. 35 years later, this is on his mind; I had to explain that he was a typical 11 year old boy. He ends every conversation with his brothers (6!) with multiple ILYs, and they reciprocate. Well, all but one, anyway! I never get tired of hearing it. This is totally it! You just never know! 1
seren Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think there are all sorts of ways to say ILY. H and I might say muchly, to each other, sometimes we just have a look that says it without it being said aloud. We say it each time we part and before sleep, Best of all is when I catch his eye or he mine and we both have that dopey smile that says ILY more than any words and of course the things we do for each other show it daily. We have been doing this for over 27 years now, so we sort have got it down to being as natural as breathing. I don't expect him to say it back, nor feel obliged to say it back either, words mean little, actions, always. 1
Elliotte Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Hmmm this made me stop and do some self analysis! I used to do it all the time, when my wife and I didn't live together and would chat over Facebook or text, we would type 'I love you' all the time. Now after living together for awhile we often do, when saying good byes, after sex, and usually when we feel like it. While I do not believe a person can say it too much, I prefer to say it when I consciously feel like saying it, rather than reflexively at particular circumstances. We also often call each other "love" or "my love", so rather than saying "I love you, have a nice day!" we usually say " have a great day love!" with a kiss. 1
joystickd Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 That love sh#t only gets you hurt. I finally got up the courage to tell someone that i loved them. All I got was a forget about me. F@#k love!!!! F%#k love!!!!!!
HokeyReligions Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 In response to the OP's question...Aren't many "I love you's" watered down because they are in response to a tactical "I love you"? It really depends on the couple. For me, and I can safely say for hubby too, when I hear ILY it immediately triggers a rush of sincere feeling, like an adrenaline rush, and a response that is every bit as full and sincere and exciting as the offering. We almost divorced after the death of our second child. We said a lot of harsh words. We worked it out then he had a heart attack Then a second attack then a series of strokes so we say it a lot. We said it a lot before too and I think that's one reason we recovered from all the pain but now its always. In fact while I was typing this on my phone he called. I paused to answer and we said it a few times to each other.
ktwatx Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I always end up feeling like my significant others at the time say it reflexively over and over again when they don't like silence, but don't know what to say. I try to say it back, but I find myself tuning it out a lot of the time when I'm trying to focus on something else and they're interrupting. Then I feel bad! It's not like they're saying it too much. I don't really dislike it. I just feel like it's mindless sometimes.
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