zilverenvlinder Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Try not to piss anyone off too bad, especially when you live in a town where everybody knows everybody!! I was poor and homeless almost a year ago, and I was staying at my friend Ashley and her boyfriend James' studio apartment, sleeping on a bean bag. It was absolutely terrible, but I had nowhere else to go and I was really appreciative of my friend and her bf's hospitality. Well, after a few weeks of this, I couldn't stand it anymore. James' friend Tim was over at the apartment a lot. He was really disgusting, but he constantly talked about his brand new super nice house only a few miles down the road. Well, I did the only thing I could do as a poor and homeless girl. I sucked it up and became a prostitute. Not a REAL prostitute, mind you, but I used Tim to stay at his really nice house for free. He fell totally madly in love with me and I constantly was cheating on him with his roommate Jack, who I really actually liked. Jack had no feeligns for me whatsoever. I got out of my moneyless slump and found a nice apartment. Tim helped me move my furniture. The day I moved in, I dumped Tim and left. I broke his heart and Jack broke mine. I now have this SUPER hot, awesome, sweet, gorgeous boyfriend who could pretty much get any girl he wants. I am madly head over heels in love with him. UNFORTUNATELY, he has an open party at his house every Saturday! I believe Tim caught wind of this party and I think he's going to show up!! I'm deathly deathly afraid that my boyfriend NOW is going to meet Tim and find out about my past. (Keep in mind...Tim is truly disgusting.) What should I do if he shows up at the Saturday party?? How am I supposed to keep my cool? What should I say? Should I pretend I don't know him? Thank you guys for your help!!! Love Adria
tattoomytoe Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Whew! you did set yourself up for a Karmic B!tch Slap didn't You!
RowanRavyn Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 I have no advise to give, only a hug. For what thats worth. :HUGS::
curiousnycgirl Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Not sure how far you are into this new relationship, but you might try telling him yourself. At the very least you can choose the editorialize version he hears. Then when someone else tries to tell him, he will brush them off saying he knows all about it. Not 100% certain it will work, but its worth a try and if he gets disgusted, etc then he's clearly not all that!
indigo_moon Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Is your only concern that fact that your new guy is going to find out what a hoochie user you were? What about the fact that you took great advantage of someone's generosity and heart, in a blatantly manipulative and user-ish way? Don't you have a conscience? How could you look yourself in the mirror knowing you were using another human being that way? I hope your new guy does find out before he's the next victim.
blind_otter Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by indigo_moon Is your only concern that fact that your new guy is going to find out what a hoochie user you were? What about the fact that you took great advantage of someone's generosity and heart, in a blatantly manipulative and user-ish way? Don't you have a conscience? How could you look yourself in the mirror knowing you were using another human being that way? I hope your new guy does find out before he's the next victim. Have you ever been homeless with no one to turn to? Many people have done things they are ashamed of in their past. Some, out of necessity, others by choice. I certainly won't venture to cast the first stone. I say tell the BF, explain the situation, etc. Editorialize where necessary. Just head him off at the pass.
Mr Spock Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by indigo_moon Is your only concern that fact that your new guy is going to find out what a hoochie user you were? What about the fact that you took great advantage of someone's generosity and heart, in a blatantly manipulative and user-ish way? Don't you have a conscience? How could you look yourself in the mirror knowing you were using another human being that way? I hope your new guy does find out before he's the next victim. Blah, BLAH blah. Since you slept with him I'd say the usage was pretty equal here. You know what you do? You shrug it off, and you don't stress about it. What's the worst he can do, create a scene? You say "Look Tim, I'm sorry it didn't work out but it's OVER" and he looks like a jealous ass. You be polite, and cordial-Tim doesn't deserve public disrespect.
indigo_moon Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by blind_otter Have you ever been homeless with no one to turn to? Many people have done things they are ashamed of in their past. Some, out of necessity, others by choice. I certainly won't venture to cast the first stone. I say tell the BF, explain the situation, etc. Editorialize where necessary. Just head him off at the pass. Well how about turning the tables? Have you ever been blatanly used and had your heart taken advantage of and been hurt/crushed tremendously who was using you for their own personal gain? If so, would you be so quick to give the ol' "cast the first stone" sermon? Somehow I doubt it, but somehow I suspect you'll say you would. It's not like she had no place to stay and was out sleeping under a bridge in a cardboard box. She already admitted she'd been staying at her friends' place - that doesn't really constitute "homeless" in my mind. Looks like she was someone looking to upgrade at the expense of others.
Author zilverenvlinder Posted December 24, 2004 Author Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by indigo_moon Is your only concern that fact that your new guy is going to find out what a hoochie user you were? What about the fact that you took great advantage of someone's generosity and heart, in a blatantly manipulative and user-ish way? Don't you have a conscience? How could you look yourself in the mirror knowing you were using another human being that way? I hope your new guy does find out before he's the next victim. *sigh* I know it was an awful thing for me to do, and I really regret it, but I had no one to turn to and James (Ashley's bf) kept hitting on me constantly while she was asleep/at work and it was really making me uncomfortable. I couldn't live there any more. Tim was awful to me anyway, and I wouldnt have been so harsh at the end if he hadnt screamed at me about everything and hit me twice in the face(once while he was drunk and once while he was sober). I had to get out of there too. I was in a really bad situation. I would never ever leave my new bf like I did Tim or "use" him like that. I would have been more cordial to Tim had he not been such a jackass. But I respect your opinion indigo moon, thanks. Thx for the hug Rowan!! thx for the advice everyone ! love Adria
Mustard Bomb Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Agreed with Mr. Spock. Luckily,this is the benefit of systems of karma. Should indigo_moon find herself/himself in such a situation, without money nor options, I presume he/she will only find hateful, ignorant, and judgemental people to greet it. For zilverenvlinder, the poster proper, just respect yourself. You might have made some mistakes, but any man worth his salt with get over it if you are straightforward, but discrete, about it. Don't be ashamed;just fix it. People make odd exchanges that in no way resemble love all of the time - it's not great, but it nothing to paralyze yourself over emotionally either. Make your confessions, if you need to, with dignity and aplomb;and they will be likely received that way.
johan Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 I have 2 responses: 1) Bad, zilverenvlinder! 2) I'm with Spock. I assume your wonderful boyfriend has no idea what happened. I guess it would be nerve-wracking regardless. But you aren't a bad person (at least not if what you did with Tim is the worst you've done). It seems to be true in situations like this that the cooler you are about it the better it works out. Whether he makes a big deal out of it or not, if you freak out, then it's going to be much worse for everyone. If you take the attitude Spock described, then Tim looks like a jerk and your boyfriend keeps his faith in you. Either way, I hope you post an update after the party.
indigo_moon Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by zilverenvlinder *sigh* I know it was an awful thing for me to do, and I really regret it, but I had no one to turn to and James (Ashley's bf) kept hitting on me constantly while she was asleep/at work and it was really making me uncomfortable. I couldn't live there any more. Tim was awful to me anyway, and I wouldnt have been so harsh at the end if he hadnt screamed at me about everything and hit me twice in the face(once while he was drunk and once while he was sober). I had to get out of there too. I was in a really bad situation. I would never ever leave my new bf like I did Tim or "use" him like that. I would have been more cordial to Tim had he not been such a jackass. But I respect your opinion indigo moon, thanks. Gee, maybe you just forgot, but I find it very interesting that it's only NOW you bring up the fact that stay with Ashley and James wasn't good because he was hitting on you...and it's only NOW you state that Tim mistreated you terribly, verbally and physically abused you. Why didn't you admit this to start? I mean geez. 1
indigo_moon Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by Mustard Bomb Agreed with Mr. Spock. Luckily,this is the benefit of systems of karma. Should indigo_moon find herself/himself in such a situation, without money nor options, I presume he/she will only find hateful, ignorant, and judgemental people to greet it. Um, she wrote: "Well, I did the only thing I could do as a poor and homeless girl. I sucked it up and became a prostitute. Not a REAL prostitute, mind you, but I used Tim to stay at his really nice house for free. He fell totally madly in love with me and I constantly was cheating on him with his roommate Jack, who I really actually liked. Jack had no feeligns for me whatsoever. I got out of my moneyless slump and found a nice apartment. Tim helped me move my furniture. The day I moved in, I dumped Tim and left. I broke his heart and Jack broke mine. I now have this SUPER hot, awesome, sweet, gorgeous boyfriend who could pretty much get any girl he wants. I am madly head over heels in love with him. " Look, there's nothing wrong with being down and out and having to ASK for help...but it's entirely a different story when you cavalierly post about having used some guy all because he had a "big house", you sucked him in knowing he'd fallen in love with you....you cheating "the whole time" on the poor schmuck who was kind enough to be nice and generous, etc etc. Geez, the minute she got back on her feet she moved out, left him...but he was nice enough to help her move. If any guy came here posting about a woman who'd done these things to him, you'd all be calling a filthy dog, and the women here would be wanting to tar and feather him. Such a double standard. I may one day find myself in a situation where I need to ask for help, yes, but would I ever be so ruthless and heartless as to use a guy for his house, knowing full well he'd fallen in love with me, screw around on him the entire time, dump his ass but not after he helped me move out? You frickin rights I wouldn't...because I wouldn't want to have someone do that to me. Is the Golden Rule so foreign here? And it seems all she cared about was using guys, then finding herself a "SUPER hot gorgeous" new guy. Wow, what a legacy to leave one day. I also don't buy her additional info the the boyfriend of the first couple she lived with "was hitting on her" (which is apparently why she had to leave)....she stated the reason she left was because Tim kept bragging about his big fancy house. I also don't buy that Tim verbally abused and beat on her...because if that were really TRUE, she'd have mentioned such pertinent info to start..........making this whole thread pointless because all she'd have to do was tell her new b/f that Tim was someone she was with in the past, he was abusive and she doesn't even want to go there. Methinks the reason she's crapping her panties is because she's afraid Tim will publicly confront her for being a cheating user who dumped his ass when she was through with him. Not once did she state or even imply that she was sorry for how she used him, took advantage of his love for her, for deceiving them. Are you saying that it's okay, if a person is "apparently" down on their luck that they blatantly use someone without any regard for their feelings or heart? I guess you are.
johan Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Since you slept with him I'd say the usage was pretty equal here. I was in agreement on this: no big deal. Then I read the other post. Now I think that you jerk people around a lot. It's not for me to say you deserve anything bad to happen to you, but I think you shouldn't be surprised when things get messy. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't mutual usage, but just Tim getting severely messed around and not knowing how to respond. Like your previous 5 boyfriends who all got cheated on. Have you considered just taking some time to be by yourself to figure things out? Maybe several years?
Mustard Bomb Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 actually, agreed again, here. i have incorrectly focused on indigo_moon, when really nothing has anything to do with that poster whatesoever. indeed, focusing there seems counter-productive and redundant. what troubles me about your posts, zilverenvlinder, is that you seem to be hopelessly participating in this cycle of values. this guy was worth 'house' to you; now you are afraid you will be judged by similar mercenary standards. (i.e. if woman A is secondhand unit from user Tim, she is of -57% value to me). It seems to be causing you pain to live by these, er, econo-romantic systems. I put it to you to follow the suggestion above - to live by yourself and your means for awhile- until you can opt out of this affective capitalism. There is a better system available in which men and women do not run around hating each other site unseen because of past deeds and presumed value. It's a good, worthwhile, system that i suspect you will like, if this one is hurting you this much. So, don't care if your correct beloved rejects you because of what you did. Care because you, yourself, feel badly about it. Deal with that. Find a guy that you will not describe in terms of his perceived value by other females, eventually. In the meantime, get your own apartment, don't take any money from any men, and start to think about yourself as the prize, instead of the desperate carnival player.
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