Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 If she wants to keep contact with her EX it is her business. He is the one that allows it to happen so it is ultimalty on him to go NC. I have little pity for stupid dumpees who dont go NC and allow themselves to get strung along. Is she being selfish? Sure. would it be healthier for both of them if she cut contact? Of course. But this is on him in the end. He is begging for contact and she is getting some sotra weird satisfaction from it so i cant blame her that much for being a typical dumper. She actually benfits from the contact and slowly feels less guilty until she cuts him loose complety. He remains miserable. I personally wouldnt do this to someone but at then of the day his recovery is on him and if he wants contact he pays the consequences. Cav But as someone who was a recent dumpee, you'd think she'd have enough common sense and compassion to not go this route with her ex. 3
cavalier99 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) But as someone who was a recent dumpee, you'd think she'd have enough common sense and compassion to not go this route with her ex. haha true! I agree. Especially after all this time on LS. Shows a certain lack of maturity IMO. But her honesty i admire and it does show people how many dumper feel and also the dangers of contact. So it is a really good thread. She is helping a lot of people here..just not her EX. lol Cav Edited November 16, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 I hate to be harsh but it won't stop me from pointing it out. And I think you skating around it because it suits your purpose is something that I felt needed to be said. It's fine to give your perspective on how dumpers feel. No one said it was wrong. You posted about how you are handling your ex-husband. It opens to posters posting why what you are doing is wrong. It's hard to break contact with someone you loved for so long? You said in your post you don't love him anymore, several times. YOu said you don't even want to talk to him. You however do care for him, but you actually care for yourself, your pains and your needs more than you do for him. It's pretty clear. YOU yourself have been on a rollercoaster for months? Yes, battling trying to date emotionally unavailable men while your ex-husband was pining for you. It's all about you and your issues and what you need. I even believe this an ego boost for you. You need the attention. The fact that you had the audacity to claim you are selfish in dragging this man through the mud because you want him on your terms, it's hard for me to ever read your advice advocating for dumpees to stand strong against cheaters, selfish dumpers and breadcrumbs. You've just proven that you are no different. It's for sure easier to advice others than to fix one's life. Being honest about my actions has got me to this place. Of course I'm not gonna gain sympathy from those who had been dumped, I'm evil in your eyes, right? As you just said, cheater and selfish. I repeat, again, I'm doing what I can possible do. At this time I just cannot stop him to contact me. I'm suffering, too.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 haha true! I agree. Especially after all this time on LS. Shows a certain lack of maturity IMO. But her honesty i admire and it does show people how many dumper feel and also the dangers of contact. So it is a really good thread. She is helping a lot of people here..just not her EX. lol Cav Never was my intention to be an example of anything. I wanted to give some insight from the other side. I understand it's so hard to read, and it because people might feel some sensitivity, and plus I get all kind of judgements, but at the end I think it's worth it.
cavalier99 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Never was my intention to be an example of anything. I wanted to give some insight from the other side. I understand it's so hard to read, and it because people might feel some sensitivity, and plus I get all kind of judgements, but at the end I think it's worth it. If you are hurting then it is dumb not to cut contact and move on. Seems pointless to keep in touch if the whole thing bothers you. Bad for you and obviously worse for him. Seems very unhealthy in general. Be friends with him in a year or so if both of you still want to. NC will help you from coming across like a selfish b*tch. Whether that be the case or not. And NC will let him maintain some dignity and recover. Win win for everone. Any thing else is weak and you are actually ruining any chance you might have to be friends down the road.. if that is what you want. He will eventually hate you for the continued contact. If you wernt hurting some id say go.. for even though it is selfish. But the fact that you are suffering some makes contact bad for everyone. Cav 1
Simon Phoenix Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 If you are hurting then it is dumb not to cut contact and move on. Seems pointless to keep in touch if the whole thing bothers you. Bad for you and obviously worse for him. Seems very unhealthy in general. Be friends with him in a year or so if both of you still want to. NC will help you from coming across like a selfish b*tch. Whether that be the case or not. And NC will let him maintain some dignity and recover. Win win for everone. Any thing else is weak and you are actually ruining any chance you might have to be friends down the road.. if that is what you want. He will eventually hate you for the continued contact. If you wernt hurting some id say go.. for even though it is selfish. But the fact that you are suffering some makes contact bad for everyone. Cav Except for the last part, I agree completely with this. Even though it's not her responsibility to look out for him, this situation is so black-and-white bad that she should do her part to extricate herself from it. On no planet is her current approach productive or helpful.
ACrazyWorld Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 According to this thread, the dumper feels like torturing the dumpee some more. 1
Never Again Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Except for the last part, I agree completely with this. Even though it's not her responsibility to look out for him, this situation is so black-and-white bad that she should do her part to extricate herself from it. On no planet is her current approach productive or helpful. Aye. She's admitted to being selfish and is aware of the problems she's causing, had given plenty of advice on these boards, yet is still exemplifying some of the worst dumper behavior. There's something to be said for "knowing better" and actually USING that knowledge. 1
Recommended Posts