Ex-Girlfriend now with a new guy. *Long Story*

[BuildingBridges222]

Hey everybody, I'm just looking for some closure about my current situation. (This may be a long post, be warned)

 

Starting with the basics I met this girl online roughly at the end of last year (December 2012) when she was with her abusive ex-boyfriend, we talked sometimes and she seemed to like my help, but we talked say once every few weeks. Then along came new years, we still didn't talk much but I noticed she dumped him and was fairly depressed, but she refused to tell me details as it was still hurting her inside, so I left it for the moment being.

 

Time passed and in February 2013 we became closer, we started to talk more and she started to trust me more as a best friend as time went on. then we started dating on the 31st of May, leading on to 3 happy months, but her parents thought she shouldn't be dating a guy from the internet and said to her to wait a year, we accepted but remained in a relationship to just to wait until we can be allowed to see eachother again. over time I could see she stopped talking as much, she was having more and more mood-swings which lead on to me questioning what was wrong, In short she told me in her and her ex's 6 month relationship he violated her, raped her twice and bullied her.

 

They only met about 3 times but she was 14 at the time, the first time he stuck his hands down her pants and violated her, then on the second meeting a month after he raped her in a wooded area away from public view. (Thankfully he stopped mid-way through, after a few minutes he tried to stick his dick in her mouth and she bit it annoying him cutting the date short) the third time they met was about 4 months after but she said she must go home, thankfully she went before anything happened. Then after dumping him in December she recieved death threats from him and his 'friends' for the following few months where one time he managed to one time storm into her house while she was alone to threaten her in person. (The police were called and he had been arrested for that charge and rape, the police asked her to push charges but she's scared to do so, which is understandable)

 

After telling me all this I felt like absolute ****, I felt many different emotions flow through me but mostly anger to him. Now with the wound re-opened I felt even more crap with that I couldn't see her to help her. she requested we just stay as friends until she can fully move on from what happened and go back into a relationship one day, this was almost 3 months ago.

 

A week after the breakup she stopped talking, I asked what was wrong which ended in her putting alot of the blame from the relationship onto me. I argued that I did my best etc and then ended the conversation after her saying she's "done" with me by saying the fighting is pointless, then saying that I'll leave her be for a few months and come back when things are calmer so we can start fresh as friends and left it there.

 

After 3 days no contact she contacted me saying she was sorry and wanted to be friends, I accepted and apologized too. Over the next few weeks she seemed to be acting distant, the police came back about her rape saying that the case may be brought to court so I gave her both support and space. A week or two after she seemed very upbeat all of a sudden, she texted me one night saying she would like my cuddles going to bed and I flirted back with her, but then the next day nothing.

 

She seemed to be doing NC so I did too, but after two days I contacted her normally asking how she was, she said she was upset as a 'friend' told her ex (An old ex, they dated only a week) about the rape which then told a few more people, I gave my support and gave her some space. I then went off to initiate NC again and left her to resolve this problem as she didn't want me to get involved.

 

Shortly after I then reactivated my dating profile to find her account was still on there but was abandoned, (Same as when we left it) I bookmarked her profile link and deactivated my account again. (More about this later).

 

A few weeks passed and nothing much happened between us, we talked about once every day-few days and I left it at that. But a week ago the topic of conversation changed to how close we were and what happened, she came back with this; "i think it's because i don't talk much to you anymore, which i really want to change as now we haven't spoke in ages proper, i've realised i've really missed you i also need to apologise for not speaking in the last few days, i've been revising for the two mocks i've just had, but i want us to become closer again, would you like to?" I accepted and we began to talk a little more like we used to when we dated, this warmed my heart to an extent and we talked for the first time for about a hour or two in months, but the next day dropped me completely. (Note: There was not really many flirtatious comments when talking, we're still friends but she said she still liked me.)

 

I took it there was a problem or she was revising again so I left NC for a day or two, out of curiosity I had noticed she went back onto her dating profile but had not posted anything since our fight. (She only put a "Trust can be lost so easily.." post and that's all, but this intreeged me and I kept coming back to see if there was anything new as she said she still liked me) The next few days went by slowly, after her apologizing and saying she wanted to get closer she seemed to not even want to talk, I messaged her saying have I done something wrong, and she came back with that her ex-friend (As mentioned earlier same guy that told her ex about the rape) was still being a dick, I gave my support to her and the conversation ended shortly after.

 

I left it a day of NC, but I noticed a guy added her over Facebook and followed her on Twitter, I was intrigued but decided to keep quiet. a hour or two after she added/followed him back and he tweeted to her a flirtatious inside-joke between them two, she responded in a flirty way but nothing more. A day after a friend said to me that both of them are dating, (However they're not) I sent her a text noting that people are telling me this and she came back saying they aren't, but she is seeing him on the weekend with her best friend, I felt a part of me die inside. I let the conversation continue where upon changing topic to how was college she gave one question responses, I left it there.

 

That was about two days ago, yesterday I again went into NC where I went back on to spy on her dating profile where she posted two statuses, "would so love a boy bestfriend right now.." posted a few hours after she came to me asking to be closer, and the second "Hate this.." which she posted about 10 minutes before I logged onto my fake account to spy, I've not contacted her since two days ago but something is up.

 

By the look of things a few days ago it sounded like they were to get together, but I checked again on her dating profile and he was listed under friends, I checked and he apparently is a 16 year old rookie car macanic, loves gaming (My ex hates video games, I've not properly played a video game in a year which she liked) but lives in the same town as her.

 

But this is where I'm hurt. I've still got some feelings for her, after 11 straight months of helping, talking, comforting her and taking time out of things such as spending time with my family on my birthday to help her she just seems to not give a care anymore. She said she wanted to be closer but It's been a whole week and I've only talked to her 3/4 times. Including with this kid she's meeting I don't think he's the right guy, I've talked to some other people including a councilor and they said he's probably going to stay until sex, then scoot. Which is stupid considering she was raped.

 

I just need some closure. I've got next to no friends, I've got nobody really to turn to. They're meeting either tomorrow or the day after and from there I can tell I'll be even more of a stranger to her then than I am now. She said there could still be a future between us but I'm not holding my hopes up high, I'm going to let them date and see where things go from there. I really see myself marrying this girl one day, but right now it feels like I've got nothing.

 

Can anybody give some form of input into this situation? Should I contact her? What should I do? Many thanks.

 

Edit: May also be worthwile to add she was my first proper girlfriend, not my first kiss but still loved every second. We had a worthwhile relationship while it lasted but we didn't really do much together.

Edited November 15, 2013 by BuildingBridges222

[organizedchaos]

Can anybody give some form of input into this situation?

 

Yeah, STOP STALKING YOUR EX!

[2fargone]

It doesn't sound like a first PROPER girlfriend....