siwellbr Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Your ex is not better than you. The person they may have left you for or, are currently seeing, is not better than you. I went through hell the last few months and did the same thing that many of you are doing here. Crying and living life in pain. Watching the phone wondering if their name will appear. Jumping at the mere sight of a car that looks just like theirs. Shaking in the night when all you want is the warmth of their touch. Waking up and thinking of them. Going to sleep thinking of them. Having nightmares about them. But that person is gone ladies and gentlemen and you have to remember that they chose to leave you. Their choice, whether you are able to stomach it or not, was their choice. Now you’re left with a choice. It was one I struggled to arrive at, but now I’m getting there once again. I fought tooth and nail for a month of no contact and my ex came back into my life with long voicemails claiming she missed me. This is it! I got her back. So after I couldn’t take it any more, I hopped in the car and went to go see my love! This is it! She was with another man. You see, we all have a choice now. We have the choice to say, “You toyed with my heart and well-being and left me in the dust. You hurt me in a brutal way, leaving me with nothing but my tears stream down my face. You buried me in a hole so deep that I cannot believe there is a way out. But I’m making a choice now. I’m going to emerge from this abyss and I’m going to find what it was that made me happiest before you ever even stepped into my life. My choice is to stop wallowing, get up and make myself better for having been hurt by you. I’m going to make you regret ever walking away from me. I’m going to win for myself because that is the most important person in this equation. Me.” Maybe that person cheated on you. Maybe they got tired of the relationship and were bored. Maybe they wanted to see what else was out there before they faced the proposition of ‘forever’. Maybe they’re messed up in the head and have low self-esteem. Maybe they think they’re too good for you. Maybe, maybe, maybe… Maybe means nothing because you don’t know and you won’t know. You’ll never know their real reasons behind it and any pressuring that you do to find these answers is only going to hurt you more. Take it from me because I messed up bad. I jumped at the chance to be with a woman who betrayed me in the worst possible way. I thought, “Hell, everyone deserves another chance.” All I did was reward her with the chance to crush me again. That’s it. I’m done and I’m going to make you rue the day you ever hurt me like this. That’s right folks, her betrayal is my motivation to better myself these days. So they made a choice and now you have a choice right in front of you. I know it hurts and I’m not trying to take away from that. But get tough, get mad and look at yourself square in the mirror and say these words…hell, scream these words… **** ‘em. I’m going to live for me. Much love all,
lexnmike4enomore Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 I think that was the most insightful thing i have ever read. You are 100% right! I should stop wallowing and go out and be happy like i was before i met him. I know i was happy, so it is possible to be happy again!
VirginiaBob Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Good post. My ex-fiance left me 20 days ago, the wedding was planned for Jan 1st and the honeymoon Jan2-6. I spent over $12,000 on the wedding. Her reason to me, is that she never really loved me in the first place. My question is why would you say yes to a proposal and make wedding plans with someone you never loved She's 30 years old and should know about this stuff by now. Her REAL reason for leaving me is her new "friend" Michael that has been calling her every other day for the last few months. I later found out that Michael is 49 years old, unemployed, and not a Christian (which is VERY important to her). Another case of the girl passing on the nice guy and going for the tragic loser? Who knows and who cares right now? I'm definitly better than him. I make an income above 94% of the people in my city and am a Christian. And I definitly can do better than her. Love clouded me in choosing her. She has 2 kids, saggy boobs and stretch marks, an annoying ex-husband, brown teeth, bad breath, moles all over her body, getting fatter by the minute, and is never happy with me, friends, or anyone. I am very upset now for her kids because I really wanted to be thier dad, but I am so glad that I am not marrying her.
theone44 Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Good post. My ex-fiance left me 20 days ago, the wedding was planned for Jan 1st and the honeymoon Jan2-6. I spent over $12,000 on the wedding. Her reason to me, is that she never really loved me in the first place. My question is why would you say yes to a proposal and make wedding plans with someone you never loved She's 30 years old and should know about this stuff by now. Her REAL reason for leaving me is her new "friend" Michael that has been calling her every other day for the last few months. I later found out that Michael is 49 years old, unemployed, and not a Christian (which is VERY important to her). Another case of the girl passing on the nice guy and going for the tragic loser? Who knows and who cares right now? I'm definitly better than him. I make an income above 94% of the people in my city and am a Christian. And I definitly can do better than her. Love clouded me in choosing her. She has 2 kids, saggy boobs and stretch marks, an annoying ex-husband, brown teeth, bad breath, moles all over her body, getting fatter by the minute, and is never happy with me, friends, or anyone. I am very upset now for her kids because I really wanted to be thier dad, but I am so glad that I am not marrying her. Don't forget to go to "court sue her" and get your money back and the ring.
VirginiaBob Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Well, I got the ring back back could only sell in for 40% what I paid for it. Can I actually sue her for the other losses? Also, I was paying her mortgage so that it didn't foreclose so that we could sell it once we got married. And her electric bill, day care, gasoline, groceries, gave her cash all the time, etc. Do you know of anyone who actually recovered some of this? And I also put up the money to get her house appraised before we were going to sell.
theone44 Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Well, I got the ring back back could only sell in for 40% what I paid for it. Can I actually sue her for the other losses? Also, I was paying her mortgage so that it didn't foreclose so that we could sell it once we got married. And her electric bill, day care, gasoline, groceries, gave her cash all the time, etc. Do you know of anyone who actually recovered some of this? And I also put up the money to get her house appraised before we were going to sell. as far as for the $12,000 u said u got 40%,so that about 460 dollar. yes u can take her to small claim and get the rest of the money back. only $5,000.oo is the max,plus if u got all the receipt for all of the stuff,but the rest of stuff would consider gifts,so don't waste your time claiming those items. Remeber, when someone break off an engagement. you got the right to sue for half of the money you put into it.
krandall Posted December 24, 2004 Posted December 24, 2004 Siwellbr.. What you wrote was inspiring to me. I can relate in so many ways. Unfortunately, I blame myself for much of the reasons for my breakup. If I was if I was not as needy or selfish, always honest, more understanding, - perhaps things would be different. Yes, there are issues that the person who dumped me needs to confront and is probably not capable of right now, but it hurts so much dealing with my intense emotions and feelings of regret, especially knowing that I am such a different person today than I was a few months ago, with more insight into so many things. My love for her has not diminished even though she probably hasn't loved me for a long time. Although I have gone through a metamorphosis in my life and become a better person, my heart still often feels like it has been put through a blender and then set on fire leaving me with a void, a hollow chasm in my chest which isn't big enough to hold my tears of regret. But perhaps as time goes on, I will continue win in my struggle to approach each day as a new opportunity to make myself even better and inspire others to do the same. Hearing from people like you drives me in this direction and is a nice break from the periodic confusion and loneliness that often pervades things. I suppose buried in the deep crevices of my brain is a whispering notion that perhaps there is the slightest chance that this love of my life will move beyond the past and have a gnawing motivation to reconnect and re-establish the love that was there. Perhaps floating beneath the waves of anti-depressant induced serotonin and swimming below the tidepools in my scarred heart lies a dream or hope that she will have a clarity that was lacking and grasp onto the notion that no human is perfect, that often insurmountable turmoils can be overcome with true commitment, and that a sky in grayscale can be transformed into a vision of clouds with silver-lining....please excuse my ramblings....
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