My paranoia

[MrGuy]

This relationship is long distance and we've been together 5 years but known each other longer. It's a little complicated and I rather not get into that, I'm very paranoid due to past experiences ("Friends" stole from me even though I thought i was cool with them). She's a family person, she really likes to hang out with her family and doesn't have many friends (but she likes it that way, she told me) she rarely goes out and doesn't like to stay out for long either) my paranoia really bothers me but I can't help it. I'm even thinking of taking medication and therapy for it but it's something I can't afford. We've fought so many times i lost count but we always make up at the end.

 

Okay so onto the problems, she doesn't text often when she's out shopping with her family, but obviously not everyone texts asap when they're out. I always think she's texting some other guy, I actually keep thinking that she's texting my best friend even though they only talked once or twice through the 5 years I've known her (i was there too) It's just little stupid things that bother me which shouldn't even be a problem. Facebook for example Her relationship status for me and her is set to only us and her friends, but i recently found out that you can actually set it to only a specific person can see it so my paranoia got to me here. I thought maybe only i could see it on face book and everyone else thought she's single. This bothered me a lot and i asked her if she could change it to public, she said she likes to keep all her info to private even though her profile picture and where she goes to school is public, eventually she changed it but she got upset afterwards that lasted for a few days. I use to be a verbal abuser for the first year or so of the relationship but when i realized how horrible i was I changed afterwards, I no longer do that. But my paranoia is still there and hasn't gone. She's done so much for me she kept proving time and time again that she wants to be with me and i'm sick of being like this towards her. At times she also gets paranoid but NO WHERE near as much as me. We see each other literally everyday and I she spends time with me a majority of the day.

 

Now there are times where I get suspicious and worried, for example there was an incident where i went to disneyland with her and her family (her family invited me) It's been awhile since I've seen her. The majority of the day it seemed like something was bothering her I kept asking her what was wrong but she said nothing was. We spent some time together alone at the park but she just seemed quiet and distant. I even offered to leave if i was making her uncomfortable but she said to stay, when we were about to get on the bus to head back to the hotel I tried to stay behind and told her to just enjoy the rest of her time with her family(her family wasn't around for this part) but she insisted I would go with her. I did but she still seemed upset, the day ended pretty lame. It felt like she was talking more toward her brother and parents more then me. It felt like I wasn't even there, any ways i had a 2 day ticket b/c they were there for 3 days but I told her maybe it's best i don't go the second day but again she wanted me to go. The next day I went with her, it seemed like it was going well she even wanted me to kiss her while her family was on a ride and we were at the eating area. It was nice and i even asked if she wanted to spend some time alone at the park later, and she said "maybe we'll see". So the day goes by and it begins to look like the day before where she doesn't talk to me alot, again i start to worry and ask her what's up but she says nothing. Eventually i ask her if she wants to spend time alone at the park again but she said she's not sure there will be enough time. I tried to hold her hand but she moved hers away after a few seconds which really made me sad but i tried to not show it. The day didn't end very well and I was pretty bummed out, she said the reason she didn't want to spend time alone was b/c she really wanted to go on the toy story ride. I eventually left and we had a fight the day after, but eventually we worked it out.

 

That day still bothered me though, we eventually went to disneyland again a month or so ago and it went better then before, she was talking to me alot more and we spent time alone together. We held hands a few times but she did say that she doesn't like to hold hands all the time (again little things like that bother me and make me paranoid) she kissed me, overall it was a nice time with her and her family. But again the paranoid person i am the following day which she was still at disneyland with her family I asked about the facebook thing i mentioned a few lines ago, my timing with things are bad...

 

We had numerous times where we were about to break up, she's usually the one to try and break up. I try to talk her out of it and she's always ends up staying. But i eventually realized I can't try to force her or try to talk her into staying b/c it would be wrong. So i told her if she really doesn't want to be with me then I'll just have to accept it and come to terms with it and try to move on. From there on we're still together and there was only one time where we were about to break up but she decided to stay. It's just hard b/c all I need is a small little thing to trigger my paranoia, like if she doesn't text for a long period of time. She even voluntarily sends me a pic of her messenger showing that the messages i sent her never reached her due to no signal. There is no proof of her doing things with another person, It's just my suspicions. I know i seem like a sad guy which is probably true but I'm really trying my best I just need other people's opinions. Sorry for the long Post I just really wanted to let this out. I seriously want to get better

[campfire]

Maybe your paranoia comes from low self esteem issues? I've had times where I've been insecure and when looking back it all came from low self esteem and feeling vulnerable.

 

Instead of focusing on what you think might be going on behind your back and being afraid of losing her, try focus more on yourself, do things that help make you feel better about yourself, it might do wonders for your self esteem. It can be anything; working out, try a new sport, try a new hobby that makes you learn something new, any big or small challenge you master is something that will help you grow. Also, try not to worry about what might happen in the future, or worry about what might be going on behind your back. Stick to facts.

 

My girl actually did what you're afraid of, she betrayed me and I went through times with depression, insecurity, paranoia, low self esteem, sleepless nights, wanting to control her, needing reassurance and all of that. While reconciling with her i also leveled up my own life and improved my self esteem. I am now confident enough to say that I'm thankful to receive her love and if **** ever hits the fan and we end up splitting I now I will be ok in the end anyway. In other words, my self confidence has helped remove my insecurities and paranoia.

[sun1972]

Ill comment on the incidents you mention, then on ldr, then on you

 

On the incidents

 

she can set her relationship status to just be viewable to you, but she cant set it to single for everyone else!. I seriously doubt she had it set to just you anyway.. i hate facebook for all this sort of stuff btw.

 

The park, hard to say really

 

TXTing... relax, my ex used to take a full day to txt back, but wasnt cheating.

 

LDR- these are so much harder than normal relationships, and need a lot more trust as well. Because it IS easy to cheat during one

 

Your paranoia, im not sure where you can get help there - but it will drive her away

 

Finally, just curious about your ages?

[MrGuy]

Oh thought I mentioned it, i'm 25 and she's 21. And we have met in person a few times

[MrGuy]

How much does it usually cost to get therapy? I really am willing to try and get things on the right track, it's just being able to afford one can be a problem