JohnKrause Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 She left me tonight forever. This was all suddenly without warning. Just looking for places to vent, and some insight from people who have had similar experiences to me. Literally 4 days ago everything was fine. She is in supposed constant struggle with all of this. Even the though she knows that she "Can't be with me ever again." I am supposed to "Release her from myself." She asked for guidance and an internal voice told her that she can't be with me. Even though it feels great to be In Love with me, she must be alone, because she knows I'm not the one. SO WILD!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a dream about Her before we met, when I was doing a lot of Lucid Dreaming. I was in Colorado at the time, and I had a very vivid captivating dream of a girl in Boston. I remembered the feeling of the dream and took it with me to Boston, where I would also study. I found the literal girl of my Dreams, and we spend 6 wonderful, challenging, growing years together. Traveling from state to state with just each-other in mind. Each of us working as hard as we can to do what's right, and to pursue a life where we do what we want more than what we have to do.... 4 days ago she was In Love with me like usual, and now she's gone forever. She renounced her material possessions, quit her job (where she was nearly up for a 9-15k raise), and is moving to a spiritual place to find herself. I found her when she was 18, and I was 22. I can imagine wanting Time and Space to grow for oneself, but to completely abandon a constant feeling of six years for a feeling that one's had for 4 days is remarkable to me. I will never be able to trust words out a women's mouth again at this rate. I'm shellshocked.
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this..we all are. Everyone here are at different stages of this. 6 years is a long time at the age she is and it sounds to me like she literally has no idea who she is and she wants to find out.. I'm not going to lie, you are in for a rough go of it for the next while but you will make it. Take this time to also figure out who you are minus her. Post here often with your thoughts and feelings as often as needed. The people here will support you through it every step of the way. Prepare yourself to deal with your feelings once the shock wears off, it's going to be difficult, but you will make it through, I promise you that.
Author JohnKrause Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Thank you so much for the kind words. They are really helping as much as they can right now.
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 That's what we are all here for, to support one another and share insight and learn..that's a big one for me, I feel that without learning something from this relationship, what was it all for? As humans we are constantly evolving as we should be and without learning about ourselves during hardships, we can never truly appreciate the wonderful things that are coming to us. And we deserve it don't we?
Author JohnKrause Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 I believe we deserve it yes. I just hope that I can find the courage to trust again. 4 days ago she was IN LOVE WITH ME for 6 years. Her heart changed so fast I can't believe it. Really discredits a lot in my eyes. To me it means that "Even when actions support words, and all the feeling is there, doesn't mean it's real."
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