Oac24 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Hey everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my current struggle and hopefully give me some input. About 3 weeks ago I told a girl how I felt about her and what I wanted and her response to me was that she wasn't looking for anything serious with anyone and that she saw me as a good friend. I took for exactly what was told me. Started to move on and slowly started distancing myself. This past weekend I went to a music festival and ran into her and some friends. When they ran into me her brother told me that she wasn't too excited about being there but once they told her I would be at the festival she got happy and said her mood totally changed after that. I played cool and tried to not make things awkward. She came to me to say and talked to me for a bit. Within that conversation she asked if I would go with her and hang out with the group. At first I told her I was there hanging out with some friends and didn't want to leave them. She kept insisting until I gave in and went with her. After that her and I basically were together the whole night. One of my friends told me that whenever they would look over at her she would just be staring at me, I also caught her just staring a few times. At one point when I caught her staring and smiling I decided to go in for a kiss and was returned with a kiss as well, more like making out. Throughout the night she'd either be hugging me, holding my hand or putting my arm around her. At the end of the night she was just looking at me with a smile and when I asked her what she was smiling about she just simply told me that she missed me and gave me a hug. The next day they ran into me again but this time she pretended as if I wasn't there. I went up to her and said hi and she told me sorry, I didn't know you were here. A couple days later I had gone to a football game and after the game she had told me to call her so I did. During out conversation I was telling her about the tailgate and how some girl was hitting on me which seemed to get her upset and she told me had she been there she would have beat that girls a**, her words exactly. Which caught me by surprise. I'm just confused because she's telling me one thing but her actions are reflecting something else. I really like her but I don't want to just stick around as her "comfort pillow" until she finds someone else. I have a feeling that she is just using me to her liking whenever she feels lonely. I've never been put in this position so I don't know what it is that I should do.
Uwaae Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 You should just play it by ear, and never do something womanly like "Telling a girl all of your feelings" Just hang out with her and have fun with her, if she is a fun person. If not, dont hang out with her. Also, this maybe against your nature, but, also go out with other women. Youre not carrying a torch for this girl. Not yet at least
Author Oac24 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 I guess it's too late to not do the womanly thing lol but I'll keep that in mind for best time. She is a really fun person to chill with but ive invested myself into this and find it difficult the following days to just be cool about it. I guess I have to separate what we have with letting my feelings get involved more.
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 It's not easy but it's for your own good. I have been involved with guys, staying friends after falling for them and they giving me all sort of mixed signals after knowing how I felt for them and I waiting for them to fall for me... It is very very exhausting! And completely not worth it. There would be so many other fun and cool girls out there... if she doesn't like you back... then don't wait. Give more importance to what she actually told you... than to all these signals... she wants to be friends with you... so accept it... and move on... slowly start on making her less n less significant in your life...
Author Oac24 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 It is definitely hard. My situation is a little harder because we have all the same mutual friends, that's how we met. So whenever I go out we usually run into each other and we usually always end up together and she keeps baiting me in but I'm the fool for taking that bait.
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 She might be using you as her "comfort pillow" as you put it but I suspect that she's actually scared. You came on too strong, too fast. You don't talk about deep feelings 3 weeks in. She reacted by pushing you away even though that's not really what she wanted to do. At this point, keep hanging out with her. . . take what you can get but push the envelope -- hugging, kissing etc. She'll let you know where she is drawing the lines but STOP talking about the relationship & your feelings. On that score let her come to you; show her how you feel but not with so many words.
Author Oac24 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 We've actually been talking since march, 3 weeks ago is when I told her how I felt, which I know now was a mistake.
filani Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 @ Oac24 OMG!!! This girl is playing you like a fiddle! Let's review shall we? 1) You put yourself out there, told her how you feel about her and she says 'sorry ,let's just be friends' right there and then is where you're supposed to say 'ok, your loss...NEXT !!!' 2) You meet up with her at the concert and you prove to her that she still has you on a string (not to mention her ego boost) by allowing her to pull you away from your pals to her pals ......FAIL! 3)You meet up with her again at a concert and she basically gives you a brush off! Not long after that after a game she tells you to call her and what do you do? You actually call her like she told you to (good lil' doggie) .... EPIC FAIL!!! Now to be fair to you ,hindsight has 20/20 vision .can't change what you've already done but you can decide how act going forward. You need to De-invest yourself emotionally from this girl, best way to do that is to meet tons of new girls. You don't have to date any of them if you don't want to but it sure will do something for the 'one girl' syndrome you have right now and broaden your horizons She already had her chance with you and she blew it, sucks to be her but you need to move on to the next and be with someone who really wants to be with you too!
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 It is definitely hard. My situation is a little harder because we have all the same mutual friends, that's how we met. So whenever I go out we usually run into each other and we usually always end up together and she keeps baiting me in but I'm the fool for taking that bait. Is it possible that for a short period of time you stay away from this set of friends and start making new friends? I was also in similar situation and I started keeping distance from the guy as well as the common friends and spent more time with my other friends... made few new friends... It really helped so much... U have to think about yourself.
truth_seeker Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I've been in this situation before. What's funny is that I did the right thing and walked away, only for the girl to come storming after me. It's amazing when you flip the game on the person who plays it on you. Ignoring them will try them crazy and only goes to show what kind of people they are. I agree with others who say to stay away and try to make new friends.
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Oac24, In this case I do not agree with the above posters based on what you have written. Of course, I am relying on only what you have said as I was not there to read the situation myself which always makes this hard. I think that you were being attractive around her!! Logically she told you she did not want anything, but in fact her actions at the gig (staring at you constantly), show strong attraction. However I do think that ONE of the attractive things you did was not to pressure her when she said she just wanted to be friends. So keeping the pressure off is a good way to go. If I am giving instruction, I tell guys who get the "lets just be friends", to accept it and act unphased. You can get a girl who says this to you very attracted (assuming you are also attractive in other ways) by just being cool about it. Often they are seeking the validation of you arguing the point. Withhold it, and only validate them when they have earned it, and they will become more attractive. Sounds like you stumbled on this course of action accidentally by just being a chilled out respectful guy - well done. Keep being chilled and respectful, and into other girls, until she decides she has to take you because she can't bear the idea of you not being hers any more. Good stuff. This is okay as long as he is strong enough to accept the fact that there is a good chance that this girl may never be his girlfriend. And being around her, he might not be able to concentrate on other girls. She might get a new bf later n he might feel more hurt by it. There are just too many girls to put yourself at so much risk. If I like someone and tell them the same but they say they don't like me back but feel free to kiss me whenever they want... it is as though I don't have any self respect. I wouldn't stay around such people at all...
forgetmenot75 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I guess we all want we cannot get, no? You got distanced from her, then she freaked out and tried to get your attention again. When she realized you are still available, she loses interest again. And so on. What could you do? Become unavailable for her. Let her know you're busy, that she's not your first option (just as she acted before). Let her think she might lose your attention.
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