Author AlexAD Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 I'm fat if it makes you feel better. LOL Misery loves company. My particular brand of misery also likes chocolate cake and breaded chicken. It is harder because there are fewer overall candidates? Or am I missing something huge I should be getting? My cousin says there's a common theme where you can pick two of three with gay guys: 1. Good looking 2. Responsible 3. Sane. Frankly, I'm not sure anyone gets any of the three with my cousin. But that's another thread. LOL....I'm just annoyed but that made me laugh...I'm a typical girl. As my neighbor at work says, "I knew there was a girl inside there somewhere." The 1,2,3 is true for women too....it's probably true for most humans. My brand of misery likes to work out like crazy...but I like cake too. Touche. It's harder because there are fewer candidates yes...unless you live in a metropolitan area. I'm not in the boonies...but it's still different. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 LOL....I'm just annoyed but that made me laugh...I'm a typical girl. As my neighbor at work says, "I knew there was a girl inside there somewhere." The 1,2,3 is true for women too....it's probably true for most humans. My brand of misery likes to work out like crazy...but I like cake too. Touche. It's harder because there are fewer candidates yes...unless you live in a metropolitan area. I'm not in the boonies...but it's still different. Breakups are usually annoying. It alternates between feeling like its wasted time and "what-ifs" and "ugh I'm alone" "what does this say about me." It's actually a really strange thing that there's so many people in the world. 7 billion of us, but we seem to have so many lonely people in the world. Or people that can't find someone to be happy with. It tells me that it isn't a "numbers" problem. (These are very general statements, not saying that you should have women falling all over like pinecones or anything.) It's an "access" and "how to meet" problem. Of course a nice physician lady would seem like one you wouldn't want to miss. But then there's the issue with the fact that she's not stable relationship material. ARG. So, are you generally a pursuer or did she go for you, was it OLD? Through friends? Random meet? How do you usually meet your prospects? Honestly. I know a lot of people say to "take time to yourself /grieve blah blah" but you were with her 3 months and unhappy for one of those. You've àlready processed the fact that you're not compatible in record time and in seems that you are more let down by not having a stable life-mate right now that the actual loss of "her" from your life. So I am trying to give you questions to pull you out of that "it didn't work out/my surroundings aren't ideal/I'll probably be in "solitude" another couple of years" mentality. I'm not saying you sound "negative" but you do sound irked by it. And rightfully so. It's irksome. Now I know that so many people in this world think "good things come to them that wait." And not to really "over-invest" in searching for someone or whatever. I disagree. We get one life. I grew up under stupid, ridiculous conditions and I push myself to accomplish things that may look strange to others but that I value. Finding a mate was one of them. It was actually fluke that my husband ended up being the one that pursued me. I didn't stay single for very long at any stretch because I asked out people during dry spells. I have always been overweight/obese and still didn't have long stretches of singledom. With jobs I also pursue employment differently than most. I flash potential employers. (Okay I'm kidding about that. Just seeing if you're paying attention!) But one of the last times I was looking for a job, I put an ad in the newspaper listing my qualifications. I got calls pronto. I started a business that usually takes years to grow in a very short period of time and without any marketing experience, I advertised what I thought looked decent for who I was pursuing and it grew very quickly in the first year. The peak month I made 10K. And I'm basically an unskilled individual. If you are out there basically marketing yourself to your niche market, you'll be in demand. Just most people aren't comfortable putting themselves out there. But you worked in sales. So you kinda know what I mean. Are you running your love life like you run your profession? I think the mistake we often make is separating the two but a lot of the same principles apply to both.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I mean, there's got to be other frustrated, lonely lesbians out in your area. Come to think of it, my cousin's mother wasn't officially a lesbian (I guess there's a seal or something) BUT this lawyer pursued her and after a failed relationship with my Uncle and a failed marriage to this other crazy Arab dude who tried abducting his two kids with her back to his home country, she has been living with this lawyer-lady for quite some time. Frankly, she's wonderful. I'm sure she could pick and choose all over the place. Now I'm not saying to actively pursue someone whose self identified as "straight" but I'm sure there's plenty of people who are "flexible" (not in a "oh I guess you'll do" kind of way either). People who won't necessarily wear it on their sleeve. Frankly, I am someone who thinks that I don't really attach to "gender" in regards to attraction. I've noticed early-stage romantic type feelings with both men and women but with women it's "friendship" because it's just kind of a place we've been socialized not to go to. I would have a very difficult time broaching that if I wasn't receiving strong vibes back from a woman. But then, thèy wouldn't be receiving strong vibes from me either. Confusing indeed. But probably not uncommon. With men it's labelled "crushes" but with me those "crushes" either split off into friendship or relationship pretty early on in the game. Most of time its friendship (well now that I'm married it would ALWAYS be a friendship.) I think there are more options out there than you may feel at the moment. 1
Author AlexAD Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Breakups are usually annoying. It alternates between feeling like its wasted time and "what-ifs" and "ugh I'm alone" "what does this say about me." Honestly. I know a lot of people say to "take time to yourself /grieve blah blah" but you were with her 3 months and unhappy for one of those. You've àlready processed the fact that you're not compatible in record time and in seems that you are more let down by not having a stable life-mate right now that the actual loss of "her" from your life. If you are out there basically marketing yourself to your niche market, you'll be in demand. Just most people aren't comfortable putting themselves out there. But you worked in sales. So you kinda know what I mean. Are you running your love life like you run your profession? I think the mistake we often make is separating the two but a lot of the same principles apply to both. So......I agree with a lot of this....mostly....^^The first part for sure... "It alternates between feeling like its wasted time and "what-ifs" and "ugh I'm alone" "what does this say about me." I meet people generally online, that's the way to do it these days....definitely put myself out there and totally agree with you on just dating. I follow the YOLO mentality, without using the phrase YOLO too haha. I dated for 10 years with barely a break, wasn't single long, ever, but last year took a year off...this was my first relationship in a year. That single time was good for me...I love to work out, I got in the best shape ever, switched careers, and just figured it out.... Now, as for your next post....dating straight people....or people who dont identify....those were my last 4 girlfriends. Never ends well. Better to date 100% gay, thats why this one was also a catch. There's more to say and I will def chime back in 2
smuggy95 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 she wasn't that great of a catch. she was cranky. No one wants cranky. Hey, I'm 100% gold star lesbian, professional, and not bad looking. There's more out there, you included. 1
Author AlexAD Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 she wasn't that great of a catch. she was cranky. No one wants cranky. Hey, I'm 100% gold star lesbian, professional, and not bad looking. There's more out there, you included. So......... I ended up getting back with her!!! Lasted till this Friday. Hard to write a lot bc I have a broken hand but no- it never got better. She had written me some heartfelt sappy email and I went for it because I wanted to love her...I fell for her more, but the more I got to know her the more I didnt like...she brought out the WORST in me. I started seeing my OWN therapist. Sex turned to crap...shed get so mad if I brought it up. Finally last week we agreed to end it but really she broke up with me. I am happy but just wish she could have been a better person. I have learned a lot here but overall...I feel bad, weird, sad, and I guess relief now. I tried.
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