Difficult circumstances for a single mom I care about; what would you do?

[sunrise24]

This is a follow up to the last topic I started. Due mostly to my poor phrasing, I received mostly negative (and unhelpful) feedback; I'm now modifying my approach.

 

***

 

Here is a summary of the mom's main challenges (that I know of):

 

1. She has virtually no income; she lives with her boyfriend.
   
2. She does a lot of volunteer work, which leaves her with little time for herself.
   
3. She has been going to court for her daughter's entire life: custody battles with her ex who is the daughter's biological father (and has been abusive toward her). He broke a promise they made years ago and secured a court order keeping her from living anywhere outside the area where he lives. She has a small majority of custody of their daughter.
   
4. The biological father's family is local; her family is thousands of miles away.
   
5. Her more recent ex, who was also abusive toward her, continues to call and text her on a regular basis.
   
6. She told me that she and her daughter skip meals, hence she is going to sign up for food stamps. However, her boyfriend told me that the mom & her daughter are the center of his universe. Based on my observations & 1-on-1 conversations with him, he is not abusive at all; he is exceptionally open-minded and generous. He has enough money to keep the mom and her daughter well-fed, but he also respects the mom's decision to get food stamps. The mom told me that she is at the mercy of his food shopping.
   
7. She has student loan and credit card debt in the thousands.
   

 

What would you do if you were facing the aforementioned challenges? If you are currently enduring some or all of these challenges, how have you dealt with them and how have your strategies worked for you?

 

Bonus question: what would you do if you were in the boyfriend's position?

 

As always, feel free to ask any questions which you feel will help to clear things up.

 

***

 

NOTE: This is not about me; it is about the mom. As close as I feel to her & her daughter, I have continually improved my ability to keep my emotions in check. I see the mom & her boyfriend once or twice a week on average (I see the daughter less often), and I focus on enjoying whatever time I get to spend with them; the mom expresses her hardships to me on her own. Both her and her boyfriend greatly appreciate the contributions I've made to her life and the household. I essentially play a supporting role in the relationship dynamics.

Edited November 15, 2013 by sunrise24

[ComingInHot]

hey sunrise, have you considered speaking to your friend about possibly cutting back on the volunteer work and maybe add some paying work? I don't know if she is unable to work work but that would allow her to get "away" from her dependency on her b/f for food. It might help her grow in her own confidence as well. How cool would that be!!*

 

As far as her b/f? So long as he is (funny how I feel I have to even say this but...) Not M'd and taking from His Wife & family to give to her w/out W's knowledge, Then he should WANT to "help" as far as to haw much help, I don't know, I guess it would depend on how much of a future he intends to have w/her.

 

I don't have a, "this is the only answer" answer for you**

[sunrise24]

Hi ComingInHot.

That was a quick response; you really did come in hot!

 

I don't know if she is unable to work work...

She is certified to teach yoga and has indicated that she wants to continue her training.

 

As far as her b/f? So long as he is (funny how I feel I have to even say this but...) Not M'd and taking from His Wife & family to give to her w/out W's knowledge...

He has never been married and has no children; he is exclusively in a relationship with the mom.

 

... he should WANT to "help;" as far as to how much help, I don't know, I guess it would depend on how much of a future he intends to have w/her.

He has made it clear to me that he wants a long-term future with her.

 

I don't have a, "this is the only answer" answer for you**

This is a brainstorming topic; there is no right answer. Edited November 15, 2013 by sunrise24

[Janesays]

1. Get a job.

2. Cut back.

3. Well, that is the cross she choose to bear when she had a child with this man. Deal with it until the kid is 18 and quit sleeping with dead beats.

4. So?

5. Block him. Refer back to #3.

6. Get the food stamps if thats what she wants/needs.

7. See #1.

[ComingInHot]

Janesays (love your name by the way*), but OP wrote, " He has never been married and has no children; he is exclusively in a relationship with the mom.", soooo I'm confused (again, I know back off ) why the "jump to "block him" & I... nevermind I'm gonna go read topic again.

 

Just came in too hot again like OP wrote...

[sunrise24]

ComingInHot, you've made my day with your unintentional bloopers.

 

The current boyfriend has never been married and has no children; he is exclusively in a relationship with the mom.

Clarification is in bold text.

 

The "biological father" refers to the mom's ex from years ago (see #3 & #4).

The "more recent ex" refers to the man the mom was dating when I met her a couple years ago (this is the one who Janesays indicated should be blocked; see #5)

Now the mom is dating another man (who is a very healthy deviation from the other two; see #1 & #6).

These are 3 different people.

 

Rest assured, you're not coming in too hot for me to handle!

[ComingInHot]

okay cool. I thought I read it right. ...been a long week and well, you all "know" how I am*

[clia]

I don't understand why you are so involved in this woman's life? How do you even know her? It sounds really strange.

 

She has virtually no income; she lives with her boyfriend.

 

She needs to get a job. Any job. It doesn't have to be a yoga job. She has a child to support.

 

She does a lot of volunteer work, which leaves her with little time for herself.

 

She needs to stop volunteering and get a paying job. Her daughter is skipping meals because she has no money, yet she is devoting all this time to volunteering? I'm sorry, but that is crap parenting.

 

She has been going to court for her daughter's entire life: custody battles with her ex who is the daughter's biological father (and has been abusive toward her). He broke a promise they made years ago and secured a court order keeping her from living anywhere outside the area where he lives. She has a small majority of custody of their daughter.

 

She needs to sit down with her ex and figure this out. If they have a custody arrangement, there is no reason to keep going back to court.

 

The biological father's family is local; her family is thousands of miles away.

 

Wonderful! Her daughter gets to spend time with her relatives. I don't see what this had to do with anything.

 

Her more recent ex, who was also abusive toward her, continues to call and text her on a regular basis.

 

She needs to block him. Why hasn't she done so?

 

She told me that she and her daughter skip meals, hence she is going to sign up for food stamps. However, her boyfriend told me that the mom & her daughter are the center of his universe. Based on my observations & 1-on-1 conversations with him, he is not abusive at all; he is exceptionally open-minded and generous. He has enough money to keep the mom and her daughter well-fed, but he also respects the mom's decision to get food stamps. The mom told me that she is at the mercy of his food shopping.

 

She needs to get a job.

 

She has student loan and credit card debt in the thousands.

 

She needs to get a job.

 

What would you do if you were facing the aforementioned challenges?

 

I would get a job.

[turnera]

I don't understand why she isn't working.

[sunrise24]

I don't understand why you are so involved in this woman's life? How do you even know her? It sounds really strange.

She and I value each others' friendship; we've known each other for 2 years. We met at an open house at her previous residence.

 

4. The biological father's family is local; her family is thousands of miles away.

4. So?

Is this not as big of a deal as the mom thinks it is?

 

She needs to sit down with her ex and figure this out. If they have a custody arrangement, there is no reason to keep going back to court.

Based on what she's told me about him (she has vented to me a lot), he's not the kind of person who can effectively be bargained with.

Neither parent is satisfied with the custody arrangement; each wishes they had full custody of the daughter. From her standpoint, he is trying to take their daughter away from her; she feels that if she had full custody, she could provide her daughter with the kind of life she wants (including seeing her father if she wants to, rather than by legal obligation) instead of "living on an island" (both love to travel).

 

Wonderful! Her daughter gets to spend time with her relatives. I don't see what this had to do with anything.

According to the mom, the biological father's family has, along with him, been brainwashing their daughter, to turn the daughter against her.

 

5. Her more recent ex, who was also abusive toward her, continues to call and text her on a regular basis.

5. Block him. Refer back to #3.

She needs to block him. Why hasn't she done so?

I wholeheartedly agree. clia, her boyfriend and I have been wondering the same thing for a long time; this has been going on for over a year.

 

hey sunrise, have you considered speaking to your friend about possibly cutting back on the volunteer work and maybe add some paying work? I don't know if she is unable to work work but that would allow her to get "away" from her dependency on her b/f for food. It might help her grow in her own confidence as well. How cool would that be!!*

1. Get a job.

7. See #1.

She needs to get a job. Any job. It doesn't have to be a yoga job. She has a child to support.

She needs to stop volunteering and get a paying job.

She needs to get a job.

She needs to get a job.

I would get a job.

I don't understand why she isn't working.

I agree with all of the above (her boyfriend has also talked with her about this); having some income would solve the majority of the challenges I've mentioned. This would be the next big step for her to take; she has told me that she wants to get a job & that she wants me to help her with her resume. Hopefully she & I can follow up on this next time we see each other. Edited November 16, 2013 by sunrise24

[fluffyfluff]

Just support her as a friend in her decisions if you care.

 

She will figure it out in her own time, it's not your business to or judge.

[d0nnivain]

Who are you to these people?

 

If you are not related by blood or the BF, it's really not your business.

 

If you have a lot of extra money lying around & feel like giving her a generous gift, pay off her student loans & credit card, then buy her food every week. I'm guessing you don't want to do that.

 

If she has student loans, presumably she has some education & could get a job doing something if she wanted to. If her child is going hungry as you suggested, she ought to be moving heaven & earth to fix that situation. Allowing it to continue, doesn't say much for her. Volunteering while your own kids starve is bad parenting, IMHO. Honestly if her decision making skills are so poor, perhaps the kid would be better off in the full time custody of the dad. At least she'd eat.

 

If you really care & don't mind getting b1tched at for not minding your own business send her info how to get food stamps, how to defer her student loans & job opportunities.

 

At the minimum, either buy her groceries, give her a gift card to a food store or give her cash.

[sunrise24]

Well, things seemed to be going well since my last update, until this past Sunday...

 

***

If you are not related by blood or the BF, it's really not your business.

This is correct.

 

She will figure it out in her own time, it's not your business to or judge.

This is true; I make it a point to treat her accordingly. Ironically, she feels the need to judge me for my shortcomings.

 

If you have a lot of extra money lying around & feel like giving her a generous gift, ...pay off her student loans & credit card, then buy her food every week. I'm guessing you don't want to do that.

At the minimum, either buy her groceries, give her a gift card to a food store or give her cash.

I don't have the money to do this, otherwise I would gladly do so

If she has student loans, presumably she has some education & could get a job doing something if she wanted to.

Her yoga certification alone enables her to do so.

If her child is going hungry as you suggested, she ought to be moving heaven & earth to fix that situation. Allowing it to continue, doesn't say much for her. Volunteering while your own kids starve is bad parenting, IMHO. Honestly if her decision making skills are so poor, perhaps the kid would be better off in the full time custody of the dad. At least she'd eat.

As valid as your points may be, she would most likely flip out and blacklist me if I suggested anything even close to this.

If you really care & don't mind getting b1tched at for not minding your own business send her info how to get food stamps, how to defer her student loans & job opportunities.

unfortunately, she takes her stress out on me, without warning, even without me bringing up any of her issues.

***

 

So, what happened this past Sunday morning? We (me, her, her daughter, and the boyfriend) had just finished breakfast and they had plans to go to Universal Studios. I asked if I could come along, but not having the money for a ticket, I was told I could not, which I graciously accepted. Suddenly, the mom started ranting about my financial struggles and how I don't have a car or even a bike, and implied that she is on food rations, which I was cutting into every time I visited. She also implied that I feel entitled to certain things, such as when I eat food with them without bringing any of my own or any money. For the second time in less than 3 months, she hinted at the possibility of banning me from visiting and was upset at the notion of sounding like a b***h in from of her daughter, who was within earshot during her entire rant. I was implicitly branded as a freeloader.

 

Afterward, feeling guilt-tripped by the mom's emotional rant, I asked the boyfriend if he perceived me as having an entitlement mentality. He replied that I tend to assume that certain things are going to be paid for, such as dinner, but that it's not particularly offensive. In contrast to the mom, he was calm and collected, even asking me what was going on with her. I mentioned that she was stressed; he replied: "the usual?"

 

I wish I could write this off as an anomaly, but taking her stress out on people who care about her is characteristic of this woman.

 

I realize this is now deviating from the original topic of discussion, but the consensus is pretty straightforward: cut back on the volunteer work, and focus on getting some paying work to be able to take care of her own child. She has talked a lot about how she needs to do so, but has yet to follow through. Nor has she blocked that abusive ex.

 

After this latest incident, I've decided to suspend all contact with the mom, for an indefinite time period, and hone in my focus on rebuilding my own life, overcoming my own financial struggles. To be subject to such criticism from someone I have repeatedly gone out of my way to be there for, (not to mention the ways I've been there for her daughter)... I don't need to be dealing with that. As fluffyfluff and d0nnivain pointed out: not my business.

[turnera]

Sounds like you're finally getting it.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

1. She has virtually no income; she lives with her boyfriend. GET A JOB.
   
2. She does a lot of volunteer work, which leaves her with little time for herself. GET A REAL JOB.
   
3. She has been going to court for her daughter's entire life: custody battles with her ex who is the daughter's biological father (and has been abusive toward her). He broke a promise they made years ago and secured a court order keeping her from living anywhere outside the area where he lives. She has a small majority of custody of their daughter. Well, too bad. When you have kids, even nasty people have rights.
   
   
4. The biological father's family is local; her family is thousands of miles away. Ok. That is good for the kid if they are nice people.
   
5. Her more recent ex, who was also abusive toward her, continues to call and text her on a regular basis. She could block him.
   
6. She told me that she and her daughter skip meals, hence she is going to sign up for food stamps. However, her boyfriend told me that the mom & her daughter are the center of his universe. Based on my observations & 1-on-1 conversations with him, he is not abusive at all; he is exceptionally open-minded and generous. He has enough money to keep the mom and her daughter well-fed, but he also respects the mom's decision to get food stamps. The mom told me that she is at the mercy of his food shopping. She is a leech and needs to grow up and get a job.
   
7. She has student loan and credit card debt in the thousands. Again, she needs to get a job.
   

Edited December 20, 2013 by DaisyLeigh1967

[DaisyLeigh1967]

SHE called YOU a freeloader? Damn, that is a hoot! And she is which, the kettle or the pot?

[Jamesblame]

You sound like you are a bit of a pushover.

 

First off, I wouldn't accept that type of behavior/excuses from my girlfriend/partner let alone from some "friend."

 

She's lazy to not get a job.

She's prideful to not apply for foodstamps so that her child can eat.

She's a manipulative, professional victim who uses men to validate her victim status as well as for resources.

 

I think you and she are co dependent in a really toxic, unhealthy way (you're not even having sex with her?!). You should go to a professional and see why you're so invested in helping an obvious helpless cause.

[Purepony]

For thesr two to put up with she must be real hot

[Tayla]

After much review of previous post on this subject by the OP, it boggles my mind that the OP is in love with this woman and disregards her current live in boyfriend. Perhaps the OP can dissipate and find a single viable source to generate good vibes with. We can't be enablers to folks, the white knight in shining armour had its time in history....and we see where that stayed...in history.

 

the custody part makes no sense, courts frown upon a single parent with no income yet viable means to work....

[Radu]

This is a follow up to the last topic I started. Due mostly to my poor phrasing, I received mostly negative (and unhelpful) feedback; I'm now modifying my approach.

 

***

 

Here is a summary of the mom's main challenges (that I know of):

 

1. She has virtually no income; she lives with her boyfriend.
   
2. She does a lot of volunteer work, which leaves her with little time for herself.
   
3. She has been going to court for her daughter's entire life: custody battles with her ex who is the daughter's biological father (and has been abusive toward her). He broke a promise they made years ago and secured a court order keeping her from living anywhere outside the area where he lives. She has a small majority of custody of their daughter.
   
4. The biological father's family is local; her family is thousands of miles away.
   
5. Her more recent ex, who was also abusive toward her, continues to call and text her on a regular basis.
   
6. She told me that she and her daughter skip meals, hence she is going to sign up for food stamps. However, her boyfriend told me that the mom & her daughter are the center of his universe. Based on my observations & 1-on-1 conversations with him, he is not abusive at all; he is exceptionally open-minded and generous. He has enough money to keep the mom and her daughter well-fed, but he also respects the mom's decision to get food stamps. The mom told me that she is at the mercy of his food shopping.
   
7. She has student loan and credit card debt in the thousands.
   

 

What would you do if you were facing the aforementioned challenges? If you are currently enduring some or all of these challenges, how have you dealt with them and how have your strategies worked for you?

 

Bonus question: what would you do if you were in the boyfriend's position?

 

the mom expresses her hardships to me on her own. Both her and her boyfriend greatly appreciate the contributions I've made to her life and the household. I essentially play a supporting role in the relationship dynamics.

 

Not having any income is a curse, not having any income after yrs and yrs of being divorced, and volunteering is self-inflicted stupidity.

Why does she do volunteer work if she can't even feed her child properly, volunteer work is not paid work.

 

What her ex-h did, take her to court, from a neutral pov can be seen as asserting his rights as a father to continue to have contact with the child; in fact if he had not done that, it would have made him a bad parent.

Considering what you just wrote about her, i'm inclining to be happy he did do that.

Removing a child from your former SO having easy access to that child, can be a form of parental alienation.

 

The situation with her most recent ex is worrisome; not only is she bad with money and other decisions, but she is also bad when she picks the opposite gender.

 

6th bullet point, if the bf is really not the problem, than this woman gets by in life by throwing pity parties for herself. I have met such women before, and it's best to stay away.

Since not everyone will bite, they tend to increase their chances by keeping a facade with a number of guys about how awefull it is for her. They will jump from situation to situation as it best suits them.

If she is like that, her 'work' or 'job' is in fact stringing these guys along.

You are one of her potential guys.

 

Why did she get student loans ?; to study.

To study and get a job, or just something to occupy her time ?

See what i mean when i say bad decisions ?

 

----

 

My strategy when dealing with women like her [i met one last yr who was getting divorced], is to stay away.

They are not victims anymore, the real victims are the children.

Her first step is to get herself a job, any job, one that doesn't involve playing the gf.

 

If i was in the bf's position, i would do what many have probably already warned me to do ... walk away.

 

PS: Your role in their relationship dynamic is that of emotional tampon.

[Radu]

Well, things seemed to be going well since my last update, until this past Sunday...

 

***

This is correct.

 

This is true; I make it a point to treat her accordingly. Ironically, she feels the need to judge me for my shortcomings.

 

I don't have the money to do this, otherwise I would gladly do so

Her yoga certification alone enables her to do so.

 

As valid as your points may be, she would most likely flip out and blacklist me if I suggested anything even close to this.

unfortunately, she takes her stress out on me, without warning, even without me bringing up any of her issues.

***

 

So, what happened this past Sunday morning? We (me, her, her daughter, and the boyfriend) had just finished breakfast and they had plans to go to Universal Studios. I asked if I could come along, but not having the money for a ticket, I was told I could not, which I graciously accepted. Suddenly, the mom started ranting about my financial struggles and how I don't have a car or even a bike, and implied that she is on food rations, which I was cutting into every time I visited. She also implied that I feel entitled to certain things, such as when I eat food with them without bringing any of my own or any money. For the second time in less than 3 months, she hinted at the possibility of banning me from visiting and was upset at the notion of sounding like a b***h in from of her daughter, who was within earshot during her entire rant. I was implicitly branded as a freeloader.

 

Afterward, feeling guilt-tripped by the mom's emotional rant, I asked the boyfriend if he perceived me as having an entitlement mentality. He replied that I tend to assume that certain things are going to be paid for, such as dinner, but that it's not particularly offensive. In contrast to the mom, he was calm and collected, even asking me what was going on with her. I mentioned that she was stressed; he replied: "the usual?"

 

I wish I could write this off as an anomaly, but taking her stress out on people who care about her is characteristic of this woman.

 

I realize this is now deviating from the original topic of discussion, but the consensus is pretty straightforward: cut back on the volunteer work, and focus on getting some paying work to be able to take care of her own child. She has talked a lot about how she needs to do so, but has yet to follow through. Nor has she blocked that abusive ex.

 

After this latest incident, I've decided to suspend all contact with the mom, for an indefinite time period, and hone in my focus on rebuilding my own life, overcoming my own financial struggles. To be subject to such criticism from someone I have repeatedly gone out of my way to be there for, (not to mention the ways I've been there for her daughter)... I don't need to be dealing with that. As fluffyfluff and d0nnivain pointed out: not my business.

 

Her attitude is abusive, and what she did is projecting.

 

Telling you that you are to blame for her going off in earshot of her daughter is quite telling, as is what i suspect you have started felling ... like you are walking on eggshells around her.

[Trimmer]

Why did she get student loans ?; to study.

To study and get a job, or just something to occupy her time ?

See what i mean when i say bad decisions ?

Yeah - a statement early in the thread jumped out at me:

 

She is certified to teach yoga and has indicated that she wants to continue her training.

So while in a rather dire circumstance, instead of using her existing training to make money so that she might be able to feed her child and start to pay down some of her existing debt, she wants to continue her training?

 

She sounds out of touch with the reality of her situation. To presume that you could do anything for her is to ignore that she seems not to be making any kinds of rational priority decisions. Anything you could "do" would be a temporary drop in the bucket, compared with the mess she is making for herself.

[Sunlight72]

Sunrise, I am hopeful that you have decided to break contact with this woman and stuck to your plan to work on your own life.

...they had plans to go to Universal Studios. I asked if I could come along, but not having the money for a ticket, I was told I could not, which I graciously accepted. Suddenly, the mom started ranting about my financial struggles and how I don't have a car or even a bike, and implied that she is on food rations, which I was cutting into every time I visited. She also implied that I feel entitled to certain things, such as when I eat food with them without bringing any of my own or any money.

Um... what ever the situation with this woman, her daughter, her ex, her ex-ex, her boyfriend and so on;

Dude, you are sponging off of a mother who can't feed her kid! What the heck?

 

If she truly can't afford to feed her daughter at every mealtime, then YES! She is right! Every meal you come over and eat without paying or bringing the food is LITERALLY TAKING FOOD OUT OF HER DAUGHTER'S MOUTH!!

 

For you to not notice this, and then talk her down as a loony when she brings it up only shows that you live in a completely insulated self-serving place.

 

"Giving" your time is not the same as paying for food. When someone doesn't have cash to buy groceries enough to eat predictably, a helpful honorable person does not then invite themselves over and eat those groceries!?!

 

Anyone who doesn't see this can't remember what it's like to not have money to buy food. It is a scary feeling which you are (were) making worse for the mom you are (were?) friends (?) with.

 

Please consider this.

--------------------------

It looks like sunrise24 isn't coming back to this post (which is fine, it's been a while), but I wanted to bring this one point up to people who think she was being ungrateful. This one issue is not crazy. It is survival.

[sunrise24]

Who said I wasn't coming back?!

 

Updates

The period of No Contact with the mom ended up lasting only about 3 weeks; I recently made a new friend who I have become very close to, and it turns out she is very close friends with the mom. Combined with my return to regular involvement with the local Unitarian church community (I'm involved with hospitality), it was inevitable that I would eventually see the mom again.

 

However, having been shaken by that incident the morning of Dec. 15, my approach has changed radically:

> I no longer initiate any contact with her or her boyfriend

> As much as possible, I avoid all one-on-one interaction with her, only interacting with her in larger group settings.

> I have significantly detached from the child as well; I seldom play with her nowadays and, as with the mom, only interact with her in larger group settings.

> Whenever I visit the mom and her boyfriend, which now only happens as a by-product of accompanying the aforementioned mutual friend (and is much less frequent than before the incident), I either eat my own food or I don't eat at all; I stay focused on cleaning up after meals, catching up on sleep, or enjoying group activities.

> If I have spare food from my hospitality volunteer work when visiting the mom and her boyfriend, I donate it to the household (I make sure it is healthy food compatible with their tastes); the boyfriend certainly appreciates it.

> Whenever the mom or her daughter address me, I say as little as possible, remaining largely cordial.

 

My focus on rebuilding my life remains solid.

 

Follow-up comments on feedback

Jamesblame: I'm not dating the mom; another man is. As far as I know, they indeed have never had sex; they never even sleep together.

 

Purepony: Well, admittedly the mom is quite physically good-looking. Then again, physical beauty by itself is only skin deep.

 

Tayla: Be careful with assumptions. I have not been in love with the mom since last April; since that was during a No Contact period, I didn't know about the new boyfriend until that October. Far from disregarding him, I made it a point to get to know him and ask questions to understand the relationship boundaries. Yes, I did write in early October that my relationship with the mom was a soul connection, but she was drunk; it was not authentic sentiment. Believing we really were closer was my mistake.

 

Dissipating and seeking out a viable alternative for good vibes has already been taken care of.

 

Radu: The mom and the child's biological father never married; they were engaged and then separated soon after the child was born

This is the first time I've ever heard the phrase emotional tampon; after researching the meaning and reflecting back upon my entire history with the mom... well, you nailed it.

I agree that the child is the real victim, from the unhealthy examples set for her by both parents (abusiveness from the father, taking anger out on others from the mother), but ultimately they will be her challenges to work through; I wish her the best.

 

Trimmer: It has indeed become clear to me that there really is nothing I can do for the mom; she has repeatedly taken her anger out on her boyfriend as well, even though he has a very healthy financial situation. This suggests she has issues from within; the money issues and the history of abusive relationships appear to be mere symptoms.

Since I have also observed her to be overprotective, and she tended to view my bond with her daughter as threatening rather than touching, there isn't really anything I can do for the child either.

 

Sunlight72: In the end, it's not a complete break in contact with the mom, but I've become detached to the point where it's pretty close.

While survival is definitely an issue with these circumstances, there is no denying that there are healthier ways to handle such scenarios than what the mom has demonstrated.

You admitted it's been a while since my last update; be careful with assuming nothing has changed on anybody's end. I had spoken with the boyfriend right after that Dec. 15 incident, he calmly communicated his concerns, and I made adjustments.

Pretty simple; no emotional ranting or attacks on my character necessary.

 

P.S. I don't see where I "talked her down as a loony;" if anything, almost all the other contributors to this topic have had much harsher words for her than I've had.

Edited January 28, 2014 by sunrise24

[Tayla]

Glad you found a new fondness in your life. Thank you though for the gentle reminder on assumptions, we teach that which we need to learn.

 

Life is a blessing ...for sure