texinh Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 My ex tried to break up with me twice before and I managed to talk him out of it to make things work again. We made up and be happy again. Sometimes he seemed distant and I was fine with that, thinking that he just needed sometimes for himself. But this time he really means it. 3 days before my 21 birthday, he said he needed to talk. The night before this happened, he told me his sister bought him a ticket to the UK to stay with her family during Christmas and New Year. I felt sad because I would be here alone by myself. He also made plan to introduce me to his parents in the Christmas time. So because of the trip to UK, he will cancel the plan with me. I asked him about that and he got annoyed with me, telling me that it is childish for me to demand things and that I dont appreciate what he has given me like I always need to be provided. So the next day he came over to my house, brought all of my stuff I left in his apartment and told me he cant do this anymore. He said he was not ready to be anyone's boyfriend right now because of the depression issue that he is having. He has depression and he doesnt feel happy about anything in his life. He told me he felt really strong about me sometimes, but other times he just wanted to be alone. He felt like he was not being a good boyfriend and that makes him disappointed in himself. I feel this is also part of my fault because I constantly complained about this to him. He also told me he doesnt think we are a good match with compatibility and mutual interest. I honestly think that we are fine together. We were still having fun a few days before the break up, when I took him out for dinner, then we went to watch the fireworks, holding hand, kissing and making love to each other. And I think mutual interest can be developed through times but he denied it. He said he could still be my friend but not boyfriend. I was devastated when I saw him bringing my stuff to me, I cried, begged and pleaded him to think again. But this time he was really sure about his decision and decided to stick with it no matter what I said. This is embarrassing. I even went to his place after this, tried to convince him and even slept with him, hoping that he will remember how great we were together. This didnt work. He let me spent the night there and leave in the morning. I know I have done this all wrong but I was just devastated thinking that he would be out of my life forever. I wouldnt be able to love him and be part of his life again. It has been 2 days now with no contact and I feel horrible. I dont really know what is going on. During the time we were together, he constantly told me such a perfect girlfriend I am and said he love me. There is a lot on my mind right now that I need to ask him but I know that I cant do this at the moment. I feel like this is all my fault for being immature and demanding. Is there any chance to get him back to me even when we are friends? He said he will contact me in a few weeks time before going to the UK. I tried to hang out with my friends but all I can think about is him. If he doesnt contact me, should I contact him? What do I need to say? I really want this man back into my life.
Author texinh Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 He said he needed some time alone to work on his issue to feel happy about himself. And he cant do that while having a busy job and a girlfriend. I have been missing him like crazy.
Peter55 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 In my opinion.. If someone wants to leave you cannot stop them. You have to let them go. They have to decide to come back on their own. I know that's hard to hear but it's the truth. In the meantime you must work on yourself. It's gonna be really hard but this is your only option. It is also the healthiest option. You need to get busy with new hobbies. This is the only way you'll move on. This also the only way they'll miss you, when your not around. 1
Author texinh Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 This is what everybody says but it's so hard to do. He is on my mind all the time no matter what I do. How do I know if he is going to miss me when I'm not around?
KatZee Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Unfortunately you're just going to have to let him go and move on with your life. The sad truth is that he tried leaving you many times in the past, and you basically "convinced" him to stay. I get that you love him but ultimately you want someone who WANTS to be with you. Not someone who has to be convinced to stay, or someone who feels so sorry for you that they stay out of pity or obligation. He's wanted out for some time, so even though you think you guys are "fine" together, and that you can be happy and this and that, he DOESN'T feel that way, and there's nothing YOU can personally do to change his mind. He would need to think and feel things things for himself. NC. Do not break it. You will never know if he misses you or thinks of you, but NC is going to be what heals you. Do not reach out, because then you portray yourself as someone who is desperate. You don't want that to be his image of you. 1
Author texinh Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 He is the best thing that happened in my life. I just want to get him back. I don't want to move on now. Any suggestion?
OpheliaSong Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 The more you chase, the faster and farther he will run. He tries to end it and you cry and beg until he caves in and feels sorry for you...it is stalkerish really. Let him go and learn to respect yourself enough to be alone when someone doesn't want you. 2
mutualove Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 If you want any chance in the future (and that's not even certain) leave him alone and go strict NC.I'd even tell him that I can't be regular friends so no random calls and texts but that's my opinion.That's what I did and she was the one with the uncertainty but I didn't let her have normal friendship with me.
Author texinh Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 He texted me this morning saying "happy birthday :-)". Should i reply or should i just ignore it? Would that make him missing me more?
Author texinh Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Thanks for the birthday wish. I just realised that the reason why he is so sure this time about breaking up is he is probably tired of how demanding and needy I am (I am not usually like that, just because of the stressful situation I am at right now). Also, I figured he was thinking I was using him for indulgence such as trips away, shopping and security in case something bad happens (I am living by myself in his country). I feel regret of my contribution to the break up. I am tempted to contact him and make everything clear. What do you think?
Author texinh Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 But he broke up with me because of misunderstanding. Does that not worth a shot?
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