Johnson1 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Let me start by telling you a little about who I am. I recently divorced after being married for 25 years. I'm 49, but could pass for someone in their late 30's - early 40's. I'm the TDH type who dresses sharp and I'm slim. I've only been with two women my whole life, my ex wife and a girl I knew when I was 19, for one night. I've been out of the dating scene for quite a while, but I recently started going to karaoke night at local pubs. I've been singing my whole life (non-professionally), but was once on a band and looking to get back into one. I've already won a couple of competitions. Anyway, there's this barmaid who's captured my heart and ignited my passion like nothing I've felt in a long time. I've been to this place only twice and I've spoken with her little each time. The last time I went she high fived me as soon as I came to the bar. She's impressed by the way I sing, but doesn't acknowledge me when I walked up the bar to sing to her. We've talked a little, but nothing on a real personal level where she would hug me. She flirts with me occasionally and one night when I was leaving I blew her a kiss and she grabbed it and held it to her heart. I was in heaven. The only problem is she's a hellcat that flirts with every guy at thé bar. She has a tattoo on the upper part of each arm, one is of a cat's face, the other is a heart with a dagger through it. I saw her looking at me through a mirror when she was at the cash register, but a lot of the time she ignores me. The last time I was there I told her I wanted to talk with her at the end of the night and she said okay, but when the end of the night came she was cozying up to some yuppy right in front of me. After that she asked me if I wanted anything for last call, but I told her no thanks. After that she just went about cleaning up. I wasn't going to go back, but I need to know if I have a chance with her or if I'm wasting my time. This girl is a total tigress and is a perfectionist at teasing and alluring guys. Anyway, here's what I was thinking of doing, Walking up to the bar and telling her it would be the last time I come in, and if she asks why I'm going to tell her that I found a band that had to practice on those days I come in, but also that there's a girl there that I want to make passionate love to, but who I don't think feels the same way. If she asks how do I know she doesn't feel the same way and asks if I've asked her, I would tell her no. If she asks why not, I would tell her, because this girl flirts and hangs on other guys right in front of me. I think at that point if she really wants me she'll say something like, well maybe she's trying to get your attention. Then I would move réal close to her and say, is she? Would this scenario work? What does a chick like her want to hear? Thanks for your help.
pteromom Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Anyway, here's what I was thinking of doing, Walking up to the bar and telling her it would be the last time I come in, and if she asks why I'm going to tell her that I found a band that had to practice on those days I come in, but also that there's a girl there that I want to make passionate love to, but who I don't think feels the same way. If she asks how do I know she doesn't feel the same way and asks if I've asked her, I would tell her no. If she asks why not, I would tell her, because this girl flirts and hangs on other guys right in front of me. I think at that point if she really wants me she'll say something like, well maybe she's trying to get your attention. Then I would move réal close to her and say, is she? Would this scenario work? Gawd no! That's like... weird. It's possible she likes you. It's also very possible she wants tips so she flirts with every guy she sees. Only one way to find out, and it doesn't require coming up with some intricate scenario. Go into the bar during a quiet time. Ask her if she would be interested in grabbing some dinner with you on her day off. Or if you'd rather talk to her more before asking her out, ask if you could have her number to call her outside of work. She'll either say yes, or she'll say no. You'll have your answer. And if she isn't interested, that's not a reason to stop going in there! She may have a friend to introduce you to, or help you figure out which girls in the bar are single, etc. 1
Divasu Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Would this scenario work? No, it won't... You do not pass GO. And you do not collect $200. 3
Author Johnson1 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Yea, your're probably right. Its probably her way of getting tips. Whats funny is I havent given her any yet LOL. Not because I'm cheap, but because I usually wait till the end of the night to tip and shes always so busy talking and serving people that I dont get the chance. I told her when I first came in the last time that I never got a chance to tip her the first time I came in, so she took my $10 for the beer she had just given me and pretended to put in inside her top.. Which she didn't. She just giggled and gave me change. I guess I would Definitely not get anything if I never gave her a tip. What's funny is the same thing happened last time I went, so now I owe her 3 tips. LOL Im a good tipper too. The barmaid at the previous place I went to I gave the barmaid almost$10 each time I went.
MidwestUSA Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 There's no excuse for not tipping as you go! It's a wonder she's been serving you at all. As for your 'plan', no, just no. Creepy. 2
Author Johnson1 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) Whats so creepy about indirectly letting someone know how passionate you feel? It might be a little too soon, but otherwise it doesnt seem so horrible. It might to you because you never met or talked with me. I'm more of the soft hearted type Who maybe tries to romantisize too quickly. I dont know. For me I feel like I have to try to soften a womans heart in some way, first. Just asking for her number is so cold. Shes probably got 100 guys who ask her for her number. Still, under everyones advisement I'll do it that way because thats why I came on here. Edited November 14, 2013 by Vocals5
pteromom Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Whats so creepy about indirectly letting someone know how passionate you feel? It might be a little too soon, but otherwise it doesnt seem so horrible. It might to you because you never met or talked with me. I'm more of the soft hearted type Who maybe tries to romantisize too quickly. Because saying you want to make passionate love with her when you haven't even gone on a date is odd. Do you really not see that? In her position, she certainly has guys propositioning her for sex all the time, so if you want to soften her heart, show her that you see who she is as a person and want to know more, not that you want to make love to her. I dont know. For me I feel like I have to try to soften a womans heart in some way, first. Just talking for her number is so cold. Shes probably got 100 guys who ask her for her number. True. But you never know if you don't take the chance. You don't have to ask for her number coldly. You can sit and talk to her while it's slow in there, enjoy your drink, give her the back-tips you owe her (with a laugh), and work asking her number into conversation if all goes well.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Because saying you want to make passionate love with her when you haven't even gone on a date is odd. Do you really not see that? In her position, she certainly has guys propositioning her for sex all the time, so if you want to soften her heart, show her that you see who she is as a person and want to know more, not that you want to make love to her. Yea, I see your point. Thanks.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) You can sit and talk to her while it's slow in there, enjoy your drink, give her the back-tips you owe her (with a laugh), and work asking her number into conversation if all goes well. The only problem with that is this place is very loud and she's running back and forth all night long. Even after all the patrons are gone she's still running around cleaning up. Either that or she doesnt want to make time for me to talk to her because she knows why and is trying to avoid me. You'd think if she really wanted me to ask her out, she'd stop and make time to talk with me. I think you.'re right. She's probably just cock teasing for tips. I'll go back and hang out to give her what I owe her because I'm a nice guy, but I wont bother trying to pursue her. Edited November 15, 2013 by Vocals5
Phantom888 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Bartenders are extremely friendly and often flirt. They want good tips, and that's how they get them. It's rare to find one that is really interested in you, but it could happen.
MidwestUSA Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 The only problem with that is this place is very loud and she's running back and forth all night long. Even after all the patrons are gone she's still running around cleaning up. Either that or she doesnt want to make time for me to talk to her because she knows why and is trying to avoid me. You'd think if she really wanted me to ask her out, she'd stop and make time to talk with me. I think you.'re right. She's probably just cock teasing for tips. I'll go back and hang out to give her what I owe her because I'm a nice guy, but I wont bother trying to pursue her. All that running around cleaning up? She probably does it because she gets to go home and put her feet up after she gets off! Once the patrons are gone, the tips (ahem!) stop coming. Me thinks it's probably a pretty demanding and generally thankless job. (Don't let her know that you refer to friendly/flirtiness as cock teasing. Might spoil any chance you have with her)
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Bartenders are extremely friendly and often flirt. They want good tips, and that's how they get them. It's rare to find one that is really interested in you, but it could happen. I suppose. My problem is I've been deprived of a loving, romantic relationship for so long because of my bad marriage that it manifests itself by me falling in love with the first cute chick that shows me some attention. I have to get over that hurdle.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 You know What? Its okay though because I know I have the vocal talent to be in some of the best rock bands in this área. I'm gong to make sure that happens. When it does I'll have to fight off all the hotties in the front row with a stick.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 All that running around cleaning up? She probably does it because she gets to go home and put her feet up after she gets off! Once the patrons are gone, the tips (ahem!) stop coming. Me thinks it's probably a pretty demanding and generally thankless job. (Don't let her know that you refer to friendly/flirtiness as cock teasing. Might spoil any chance you have with her) Yes, I'm aware that it's a tough job. In no way was I implying it wasn't. That's why I'm going back to give her what I owe her. I'll probably give her like $30 for the 3 nights. I only have 2 beers per night @ $7 a pop, so she'll be getting a great tip. It's bottled brew (Victory Golden Monkey to be exact), so all she has to do is pop off the top. I'd never tell her she was a cock tease. I ain't crazy. Desperate, but not crazy.
superb Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I'm sorry but this whole thing doesn't sound good. Chicks at bars.flirt to make money. I wouldn't waste my time with an elaborate plan.. Especially since it's going to be very obvious. Also I'd be VERY creeped out if I was the woman.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 I'm sorry but this whole thing doesn't sound good. Chicks at bars.flirt to make money. I wouldn't waste my time with an elaborate plan.. Especially since it's going to be very obvious. Also I'd be VERY creeped out if I was the woman. Not all barmaids flirt for tip money. That's assuming a lot. Some meet their boyfriends there and some have flings. I already know a pretty barmaid at another pub who met her boyfriend there. We're friends and she give me hugs all the time. Neither you nor I can say for sure she's doing it for tip money unless I asked her out, which I've already stated I'm not going to bother because more than likely that's what she's doing. I believe this has already been discussed. Thanks for your input though.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) Just ask her out and see what happens. It probably won't work, but you never know. Eh, in hindsight she's not really my type anyway as hot as I am for her. I prefer them pretty, sweet, shy and submissive. This chick is the polar opposite. I wouldn't want to date a party girl. The minute something happens they don't like in a relationship they're back at the club banging 10 other guys in revenge. No thanks. Edited November 15, 2013 by Vocals5
pteromom Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Eh, in hindsight she's not really my type anyway as hot as I am for her. I prefer them pretty, sweet, shy and submissive. This chick is the polar opposite. I wouldn't want to date a party girl. The minute something happens they don't like in a relationship they're back at the club banging 10 other guys in revenge. No thanks. Sounds more like you just miss being with someone and you are projecting that onto her because she's there. So have you started trying to date again? Have you looked on meet up for a musicians group or jam sessions or whatever? You need to keep meeting new people and getting re-acclimated to the world of dating.
vtran31 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 there is literature specifically out there on how to get barmaids. I suggest you read some and take what is useful
Author Johnson1 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) Sounds more like you just miss being with someone and you are projecting that onto her because she's there. Yea, probably. When you're as starved for affection as I am it's a bitter pill to swallow when a woman as sexy as this barmaid throws fake affections my way. I need so bad for the affection to be real. I guess I just miss being in love. I would give anything to feel the euphoria of love, sex and romance I had when I was 20. Looking back on it now it's like a dream. I walked around in a constant state of happiness and never worried about the future because I had a pretty girl on my arm that made me feel proud, and the more sexual pleasure she gave me, the more I fell in love with her. Now all that's gone, and only a shell of the person I once was remains and I'm alone for the first time in my life. I fantasize all the time what it would be like to walk with my arm around the waist of a tall beautiful lady as we stroll through a botanical garden where we'd stop at different places to kiss. I am a hopeless romantic, and that manifests itself in the way I make love. That's probably why I was married so long. The problem is after so many years love wears out like an old shoe. It's no one's fault really. It just happens. Edited November 16, 2013 by Vocals5
Author Johnson1 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) So have you started trying to date again? Have you looked on meet up for a musicians group or jam sessions or whatever? You need to keep meeting new people and getting re-acclimated to the world of dating. No, not really. I just started going to bars doing karaoke after only having been in a bar maybe 3 times in the last 7 years, and of course as luck would have it, the first cute chick I meet had to be a hot barmaid who only plays with guys affections for tips. Oy. It's tough to meet women going in pubs alone when you're 49. After bringing up two kids my mind is f'ed. I have this complex like every chick is looking at me like I'm dad, even though I've had ladies in their late twenties tell me I look good and could pass for someone in their late 30's early 40's. Still, there's this stigma in my own mind I can't get past. I'm not doing karaoke forever. There isn't the recognition in it that there is being in a band. For now it's just a stepping stone to get used singing in front of a crowd again. I'm going to start looking into finding a band as soon as I put a vocal demo together. You'd think someone with my vocal ability and stature wouldn't have self esteem issues, but I do, big time. I'm trying to get past it. Being in a dead marriage for so long threw me in the gutter. My ex did a great job of making me feel like no one else would want me, and it stuck. Edited November 16, 2013 by Vocals5
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