Sometimes I'm not sure this is real life.

[low]

I am in a LDR with someone that I'd met while on vacation. We've been together for nearly three years, and in August I decided I was going to propose. I mean, we'd talked about her moving to my state, or me moving to hers. We both have jobs but mine has better benefits, so it was only natural that she move here. I love this girl. She's everything I've ever wanted in my life, and I would move mountains for her. I've been paying for her plane tickets, and when she's here we're out on the town having a great time with one another going to art museums, the zoo, aquariums. Whatever we wanted to do, we did, because it felt like we were catching up on lost time.

 

I bought the ring. She came to see me one weekend (we try to see each other every weekend) and I got down on one knee and popped the question.

 

She says yes. I am elated. I want to start making plans immediately. We finish dinner and go back to my place, and she takes a shower.

 

What follows is etched in my brain and I cannot stop thinking about it.

 

Her phone rings and I answer it (because I'm her fiance and I can do that kind of thing now, or so my brain tells me). It's a guy, and he asks who I am, and where is his wife.

 

His WIFE.

 

I froze and I didn't know what to say so I just said I found this phone and I am so glad he called because I wasn't sure how to get into contact with someone to get the phone back to them. He gives me an address to mail it to and we hang up.

 

The rest of the evening is something of a blur, she's crying and I'm crying and my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest and I don't know what to do because I love her, I really love her, and the worst part is that I'm the other man and I never knew it.

 

GO DARK CUT TIES NO CONTACT ULTIMATUMS

 

I can't. I really love this girl. I really love her. She's gone now, and I've mailed the phone back to the address because she didn't want to alert her husband, and God help me I am already making plans with her to fly back out here again just before Christmas so we can spend time together.

 

I don't know why I posted this. It's not like I don't have people to talk to. Maybe I'm ashamed that I was so blinded, I don't know. I can't be the only person this has happened to, right? I'm not alone in this, am I? Surely she wouldn't cheat if her marriage was a happy one?

[zevahc]

I am in a LDR with someone that I'd met while on vacation. We've been together for nearly three years, and in August I decided I was going to propose. I mean, we'd talked about her moving to my state, or me moving to hers. We both have jobs but mine has better benefits, so it was only natural that she move here. I love this girl. She's everything I've ever wanted in my life, and I would move mountains for her. I've been paying for her plane tickets, and when she's here we're out on the town having a great time with one another going to art museums, the zoo, aquariums. Whatever we wanted to do, we did, because it felt like we were catching up on lost time.

 

I bought the ring. She came to see me one weekend (we try to see each other every weekend) and I got down on one knee and popped the question.

 

She says yes. I am elated. I want to start making plans immediately. We finish dinner and go back to my place, and she takes a shower.

 

What follows is etched in my brain and I cannot stop thinking about it.

 

Her phone rings and I answer it (because I'm her fiance and I can do that kind of thing now, or so my brain tells me). It's a guy, and he asks who I am, and where is his wife.

 

His WIFE.

 

I froze and I didn't know what to say so I just said I found this phone and I am so glad he called because I wasn't sure how to get into contact with someone to get the phone back to them. He gives me an address to mail it to and we hang up.

 

The rest of the evening is something of a blur, she's crying and I'm crying and my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest and I don't know what to do because I love her, I really love her, and the worst part is that I'm the other man and I never knew it.

 

GO DARK CUT TIES NO CONTACT ULTIMATUMS

 

I can't. I really love this girl. I really love her. She's gone now, and I've mailed the phone back to the address because she didn't want to alert her husband, and God help me I am already making plans with her to fly back out here again just before Christmas so we can spend time together.

 

I don't know why I posted this. It's not like I don't have people to talk to. Maybe I'm ashamed that I was so blinded, I don't know. I can't be the only person this has happened to, right? I'm not alone in this, am I? Surely she wouldn't cheat if her marriage was a happy one?

 

Wow...this seems like a nightmare. You're right..i'm sure it's happened to others who can chime in...i can't say much other than to wish you the best. Did she give you any kind of explanation?

[whatatangledweb]

I am so sorry you are hurting. I don't see how you can continue since she has lied to you for three years and accepts your proposal without telling you she is married. What else is she lying about? Yes, people cheat with a good marriage. She may have been bored, wanted attention, something new , etc. Have you asked her why? And why she lied to you? I would not see her again until she has ended her marriage.

 

I know you love her. To continue your relationship as it is will only bring you more pain.

[hurtnomorerika]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Yes, it has happened to other people, it happened to me. When I found out the "man of my dreams" was married it crushed me. I broke it off, but when he came back I let him. I advise you to let her go. Marriage is a big thing to lie about. Did she tell you why she lied? 3 years is along time to keep something like that a secret. I know it was LDR, but did you ever visit her, meet her family, etc? Any clues that she was married to someone else?

[C00kie]

I'm so sorry, low.

 

I think we may need further information in order to help you - what did she had to say for herself? How could she hide it for three years, were there any signs? Like, did you have her house phone number? Did you ever go to visit her, and where would you stay? Did you notice that maybe she didn't pick up the phone everytime you tried to call?

 

I don't know, I think looking back you may find some signs here and there. Three years is a long time. I understand noone expects anything like that...I believe she truly loves you too and I disagree with something that has been said above - people can cheat even if marriages are fine. NO. People don't cheat for three years in fine marriages. Depends on what you consider to be a fine marriage anyway. Getting along does not mean it's a good marriage. If love is lacking, and it clearly is, then it doesn't fullfill you anymore. If you no longer can repect the commitment you made, then it's not a happy marriage.

 

Having said that, I know how you feel and I know you don't want to leave her. It's easier said than done, I don't wanna leave my married man too, even if sometimes (lately, too often) I hit a very low point. We love them, it's not easy letting go. We want it to work out with every fiber of our body.

 

I'm really curious about what she had to say for herself and where do you think this will go from here...so that maybe we can get a better picture of the situation and have a more accurate perspective.

 

Take care. Feel fre to pm me if you need to vent

[AlwaysGrowing]

You do not love this girl. You love who you thought she was. That woman does not exist. That will be the hardest thing for you to accept.

 

Please take time to look after you sans this woman.

 

Again, remove yourself. Protect YOU. If you only do this one thing right, do this.

 

SHE.DOES.NOT.EXIST.

[hurtnomorerika]

I think you do love her as the person she presented herself to be, however, now you have to kind of look at her as whole new person someone you dont know. Apparently, like my Ex-MM, she's living a double life.

[low]

She didn't really give much of an explanation, only because everything happened on her last day with me. There was so much crying and I was feeling so shell-shocked that I didn't even know where to begin. We are going to talk tonight about the ordeal over a messenger (if her husband gets suspicious she can just say it's for work - and it makes me sick to even type that).

 

I've had time to calm down and think, and I don't know. I feel like I lost someone I loved, almost like I'm grieving because she's been torn so violently from my life except she really hasn't because she's still THERE, she's just not MINE. Well, completely mine. I have written down a few questions that I want to be certain to ask, and I'm afraid that if she starts crying and telling me she loves me (like she did when I confronted her with the phone call) that I will become weak and evade the questions I know need to be asked, the most important of which is WHY.

 

A small part of me feels like I have wasted so much time on this relationship. THREE YEARS, it's rough. It's really rough. I could have met someone else in that time, someone real and local, and while I feel all of this resentment, there is one thing I can't shake loose from, and that is the fact that I am still deeply in love with this girl.

 

To answer the questions being asked:

 

I didn't have her home phone. I don't have a home phone, so I didn't think anything of it. Technologic age or whatever, you know?

 

I didn't recognize any of the signs THEN, but (as you said) I can look back with the kind of clarity that only hindsight brings and I can see a few flags. I didn't meet her family, ever, only friends. I don't even want to think about what they thought of me. We never stayed at her home, only hotels. I mean, I visited her home, but we never slept in the bed (thank God, I think that would drive me insane).

 

I feel like such a fool, and my pride has taken a major beat down, and despite it all I still want her in my life.

[zevahc]

She didn't really give much of an explanation, only because everything happened on her last day with me. There was so much crying and I was feeling so shell-shocked that I didn't even know where to begin. We are going to talk tonight about the ordeal over a messenger (if her husband gets suspicious she can just say it's for work - and it makes me sick to even type that).

 

I've had time to calm down and think, and I don't know. I feel like I lost someone I loved, almost like I'm grieving because she's been torn so violently from my life except she really hasn't because she's still THERE, she's just not MINE. Well, completely mine. I have written down a few questions that I want to be certain to ask, and I'm afraid that if she starts crying and telling me she loves me (like she did when I confronted her with the phone call) that I will become weak and evade the questions I know need to be asked, the most important of which is WHY.

 

A small part of me feels like I have wasted so much time on this relationship. THREE YEARS, it's rough. It's really rough. I could have met someone else in that time, someone real and local, and while I feel all of this resentment, there is one thing I can't shake loose from, and that is the fact that I am still deeply in love with this girl.

 

To answer the questions being asked:

 

I didn't have her home phone. I don't have a home phone, so I didn't think anything of it. Technologic age or whatever, you know?

 

I didn't recognize any of the signs THEN, but (as you said) I can look back with the kind of clarity that only hindsight brings and I can see a few flags. I didn't meet her family, ever, only friends. I don't even want to think about what they thought of me. We never stayed at her home, only hotels. I mean, I visited her home, but we never slept in the bed (thank God, I think that would drive me insane).

 

I feel like such a fool, and my pride has taken a major beat down, and despite it all I still want her in my life.

 

You visited her home? No pics of her spouse? No signs that she had one?

[Confusion_Reigns]

 

I feel like such a fool, and my pride has taken a major beat down, and

despite it all I still want her in my life.

 

I'm very sorry you are going through this....I just wanted to say that the bolded might change over time. You love her but is it really HER that you know and love? Or the image she gave to you of who she wants you to believe she is...make sense?

 

Easier said than done but don't feel like a fool. You only believed and loved and there's nothing foolish about that.