siwellbr Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 BACKGROUND: *Been together since I was 18 and she was 16, now we are 23 and 21 *I am a college student working as a computer programmer at NASA. *She asked for space back in May 2004, went out with the girls (i never objected) met a few new guy friends and all of a sudden I was cool enough for her click. *I became a wussie from May until Aug because she never just came out and said that she didn't like me anymore. When I would ask her about how she felt she just would say "I don't know." Drove me NUTS!!!! *In September she finally got tired of faking with the "I don't know how I feel because I can hurt you" crap, and just came with it. "IT'S OVER! DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE!!" *She met some clown in September and started liking him, but since she ended our relationship so bad, she felt like crap and couldn't completely commit to him. *Beginning of December rolls along and she pops up at my Mother's place (I have my own place) because she knew I was there because my car was outside, and she tells me that her life has been miserable since she left me. She also wanted me to know that she changed her phone number because she just couldn't talk to this other guy anymore. *I told her I would think about a second chance, but it would be hard and she has to expect me to want a honest explanation of why she left. *She agreed, that she would be there for us and that she would willing to answer any questions that needed to be answered to better us, start over and make new memories. *Mid-December she goes out with friends, calls me the next morning and ask me to come pick her up from the other side of town because she needs to "talk." Well she saw this clown at a club, and they got into a big argument because she changed her number and he was pissed. Then she proceeds to tell me that she never really stopped talking to him, and that she couldn't be with me because she didn't want to be with him but was attached to him. *I said OK I understand, but I let her know that this is bullcrap. *Tuesday (December 21, 2004) she goes out of town about 2 hours away to stay with her Aunt because I said that she needs to get her her crap together, be alone, stop listening to her friends, and make a conscious decision on her own. *She left Tuesday and has not called be since Tuesday morning on the 21. --OK that's the story. The problem that I am having is that I love her and I understand how she feels because when I was 21, I questioned our relationship, but I believe that it was a positive questioning. You know like "is she really the one" type questions. "Is this the relationship I'll be in for the rest of my life." Once I knew that after dating our for a couple of months, I was ready to be with her. We had a understanding, but see I never had sex with another woman, and she had sex with another man. So do you feel that I am being naive, or is it ok for people that have been together exclusively for 5 years from teens to adulthood to want to try new things? --2nd question: If I do decide to buy her a gift for christmas I don't want to come on to strong with all the I love you stuff, I want to supportive of her. What kind of gift do you guys think would be good. PLEASE DON'T SAY A GIFTCARD TO HOME DEPOT!!
Scott S Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 I had posted this in one of your other threads, but here it is again: I don't have to tell you the changes that occur in the transition from teen to young adult. You're both different people (or at least I hope you are). Your needs have changed, along with your attitudes, priorities, values & a host of other things. Perhaps she feels that she hasn't had the opportunity to meet other kinds of people. It's not unusual for people to date numerous people when they're young. Finding one's soul-mate at age 16 is highly unlikely. Most people that age have little idea of the direction in their own lives, much less what they need in a love relationship. I know that's how I was. People are very complex. It is difficult enough to understand them as it is. How much more so when one has gotten to know only a few of them. That is one of the reasons why teens are encouraged to meet & to cultivate friendships with a lot of different people. People grow & mature in different ways, along varied paths. Based on her telling you she doesn't want you to not be in her life, I would say she still has feelings for you, albeit confused feelings. It's hard to say where this will go. you will simply need to watch things & see if actions bear out what she said. I would agree that the fact that her having sex with others does complicate confuse things things, though. For what it's worth, it is likely "rebound sex," & the attraction will fade once the novelty of the experience wears off. With a view to this & what I wrote earlier, it certainly wouldn't hurt you to cultivate some other interests & relationships of your own. Try to be mature & dignified about things. Two reasons: 1. Avoid ruining the friendship you do have, 2. Even if you do end up going your separate ways, wouldn't you prefer she remember you as being mature & gracious, as opposed to being an immature d**khead? As for Christmas gifts, I'm sorry about my other post. I was joking. If you feel so led, get her a nice present, like a shirt or sweater that would look nice on her, along with a card saying that you're thinking about her & looking forward to seeing her soon. If she's traveling you could take it to her parents or someplace similar.
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