blind_otter Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by theone44 most break-up happen,because they figure they found someone better,and when that get bore then they will go an find another. i see here is a bunch of unstable men and women,who like breaking-up with-out trying solve the issues. I don't think I've ever broken up with someon because I was bored! But I've seen so many people dedicated to such obviously dead relationships. I am such a different person from the girl I was at 18...to think of me being with one of the guys I dated at that age is absurd. I don't WANT to marry (another) person who I have to "fix" - you can't fix anyone. You have to be with someone that meshes with you without all the f*cking hard work. I'm tired of settling.
tattoomytoe Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 well i think part of our prob, is that we have both grown...him a lot slower than i, we are at different points in life...and yes he is getting to where i am at...but who is to say i will still be there. i do not want to wait...i want to go....but i am having such a hard time leaving
theone44 Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Well from my experience. men cause most of the break-up,because the women romantic interest of love isn't there anymore,some-time due to the man behavior pattern.Either the men in these women lives,starting to show wussy behavior,and women don't respect or love a man who is weak with no backbone. I think once the man get the woman,did he they stop doing the things he did,before he got her. Most men don't understand women,so when the women leave them,they just look so puzzel,but didn't know that they where the problem why she left. A lot of men have lost good women by not knowing how to keep them. Your money,education,good-look or physical form..can't keep women these day's,because now women are more educated,making more money than most men are now. Now these women have the choices to pick any man she want to be with now,and if that fellow don't treat her right i bet you he will be out the door before he can count to ten. I agree,once a woman lose her love and respect for her man in the relationship, in due time she will be leaving. "Men learn how to understand women,or you will be in one fail relationship after another"
Ginger714 Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 I am in the mist of letting my partner of 3 years go. I have to say it was gradual feeling. Although I know part of it was or is my low self esteem. However, my partner, he had "cheated" on me 1 1/2 yrs. ago with his 1st ex as I found a letter stating that he was dreaming of her and didn't want to stop, but thought he should and found he was getting Americansingles.com replies - obviouly because he had his profile up on there...I guess you can call that cheating too. The other night I asked him why he loved me - he couldn't tell me, just because I do... and he told me he doesn't think of the relationship...when certainly we are having issues -- emotional and plain just sitting on the different sides of the fence, for example - marriage and that we don't sleep together - I have my room he has his - that all started out because of his snoring, but now has deteriorated down to the "norm" - it's not the norm for me. I know he would want to not snore, but has never gotten any help for it, even after we had talked about how it was effecting our intimacy. I know men think different from women but it's like he is avoiding, he always seems to want to be right - or know even more than what I am saying. I have not told him yet, but I am moving out - there seems to more frustration in our relationship and a lack of just plain happiness than growth or vision for the both of us.
Ginger714 Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 PS I just posted the last message....I also want to say, if it was not clear that I don't fully trust him. If you cannot trust or fully forgive your partner - I personally think the relationship will not work and there will alway be doubt. That is why I don't feel good about leaving and I feel guilty. I know in my past I have never thought I was good enough (low self esteem) and also relationships were just difficult. He is not a horrible man, he was there for me when I had my moments - so I guess that is why I feel guilty. And this was a different relationship for me, we both really loved each other , at least the first 6 months real trust and intimacy - giving and sharing. But emotionally we are not here any longer
GreenCap Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 Communication is key. I got slammed by a freight train carrying chemicals and explosives the day my ex said she wanted to move; having dinner at the dinner table and she blurts out "I want to move out". A knee to groin wouldn't have hurt as much although the moment she said it, it felt that someone had done a Lorena Bobbit on me. So, in hindsight, I did lost her respect somewhere and lost her expectations as well. You see, she doesn't say what's on her mind and makes me guess what she is thinking. So everything she said to me when she wanted out was so unexpected and sudden. But in her mind, she had built up this expectation of our relationship and keeping it to herself. She grew faster than I did, mostly in terms of profession (read money) but she never was one to consider money to a lasting relationship. But like I said, she built our, nope, her expectation of a relationship to a certain level and because she did not communicate them to me, she felt that I should not be in the picture. All along I was on the assumption of her old expectations which I was working to gladly because it meshed with my ideals. When hers changed, she did not bother communicating them to me which really sucked for I really love this person. Was going to propose this past holiday season. Had she communicated to me her expectations instead of accumulating the lack of respect and whatever negative feelings she had, and then let the flood gates open on me was quite unfair. I have managed to get over that but just sad to see something magical and beautiful go to waste....and we had just returned from a great 9-day cruise to Alaska a month prior to the breakup. Obviously, later, I learnt that what she said was a justification to leave coz she had lined up someone already...you can guess his monetary status. So, when is it time to let go. When you feel that you have given your SO the opportunity to learn your side of the story and what your expectations are and you in turn understand what his expectations are. When this laying cards on the table has occured and boths sides don't match, then it is time to walk. But also realize that either party may promise the earth and sky...so it is you as the other invested party in the relationship demonstrate to yourself how well you know your SO and whether they can deliver. Don't delude yourself for you set up yourself for pain and wasted time.
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