Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 I need to stop playing around on this computer. I was curious, so I "Googled" the screen name of the OW that my husband had and affair with, and what did I come up with? Tons and tons of entries on this very message board! She used to email me and Instant Message me that's how I had her screen name in the first place. I am just sitting here with my jaw on the floor right now reading through all of these things. I need to stop. It's bad enough that I constantly read the emails between her and I, now I have all this crap she wrote professing their love for each other, going into detail about their relationship. It seems she hasn't posted for quite a while which I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing because it seems like she was only posting when they were having issues. This is a major set back for me. I have to stop digging. I can't keep hurting myself like this, every time I read the emails between the two of us it's just keeping tha pain alive. It's kind of a like driving by a car wreck, you don't really want to see someone bleeding from their eyeballs but you have to look.
savethedrama4allama Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 I can identify with what you're going through- digging and digging for information, almost in an effort to hurt yourself. How weird that she'd come to the same place, how difficult it must be to read about details of the affair. I'm sorry.
Author Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama I can identify with what you're going through- digging and digging for information, almost in an effort to hurt yourself. Yes, why do we do it to ourselves? And I can't stop. I read the emails contantly like something will change. The more I sit here and think about it, I wonder if I was being set up. I found out about this place from someone that is associated with her. I was venting about the whole situation and also commenting that it's hard because you can't really talk openly to family and friends about this stuff because it's humiliating. That's when they suggested this place.
savethedrama4allama Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 I don't know why we do it. For me, I get addicted to the "information." I feel like if I know all the details I will be able to make sense of it, and if I make sense of it I can get over it. But that isn't the way it works, and you and I both know it. If you were set up, how slimey. This woman is obviously sicker than you thought in that case. Are you still trying to work things out with your husband, or is he with her now?
debs Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] I can relate, but mine was the finding out about my now ex H's relationship with his 21yr old from work! Her web blog was the killer! How I kpt quiet about most of what I knew will forever be a mystery tohim and I wouldn't let on for the life of me! I knew everything BEFORE it happened! So in retrospect I was 50% prepared for the exit. *sigh* As I always said "If you do not want it known, Do not post it on the net!" That is why/how I let him go I saw that he really loved this girl, so I just said then go to her! Soon, it does get better and things do fade but they are NEVER forgotten!
Author Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 We separated breifely, but recently got back together. We are working on things. But this doesn't help. I feel like I did when I first found out. She talked about him like he was hers and like I was the one in the wrong.
savethedrama4allama Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 She talked about him like he was hers and like I was the one in the wrong. She's obviously nutty. That is all I can think to help me get by. My situation isn't exactly like yours but I have the same problem with a nutty woman and looking for info/obsessing over it. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk!
debs Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] That is natural to help the lying cheat feel better about cheating! Yes, mine portrayed me as taking all the money and putting it in a "secret" account, hmmm what account was that I sure could use it right now!, which was so far from the truth it still sickens me now to this day! But the humorous part was him being a psychologist!? I read that and said WHOAH! He hasn t even finished any college he ever started! My list could on the lies he used to get that girl, pathetic um hmm it is! I do wonder why we as the dumpees, we have to have more validation and why we have to know more than we are told? I wasn't told anything His reasonings for leaving? he said and I quote, "I need to grow up and be responsible"! He has never told me he loved the girl. He left thinking I knew nothing but contraere, I knew everything!
fanou22 Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 No offense to anyone but it would be interesting to read the posts of W and OW. Maybe you can quote without the name.
GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by fanou22 No offense to anyone but it would be interesting to read the posts of W and OW. Maybe you can quote without the name. i agree
debs Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] lol wouldn't that be fun , hmmmmmmm...never happen in my case! She is a young scardey kat!
Author Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. I don't know that she isn't posting under another screen name, if I start quoting her she is going to know who I am and what screen name I have been posting under. I'd rather not have her reading my posts about how hurt I've been through all of this.
hugznkisses21 Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 u guys are all sick....hunny dont do it....u are hurting enough people dont need to get off on your pain
debs Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] Oh Soon that is sad but In my case I could care less if either of them or her friends found this site! The truth was forced by me out of both of them and they have to live with their actions!
quankanne Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 The truth was forced by me out of both of them and they have to live with their actions! ah, deb ... I read your statement, then look at your avatar and think, "my gosh, with that little face, you could force a whole bunch of puppy kisses!" I've forever been meaning to tell you that I absolutely LOVE your avatar, the dog's def. a cutie! back on subject: s2bs, maybe you're subconciously dredging up the hurt you feel as a way to get it out of your system. sort of like telling yourself all the horrid things someone did to you because your mind is still reeling about what happened, you just can't quite accept it, you know? that opening the wound over and over will somehow make you hardened to the pain that it created. just my 2 cents
Author Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 You could be right, it makes sense. And I know this is just going to spark more curiosity but I have to thank you, because you were one of the posters that put her in her place, more than once.
debs Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Why thank you Q!! That is my Bassett! But no I did force the issue on both of them to stop lying to people/family etc. about their intentions and move on with life! So chill on the sarcasium OK?
quankanne Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 no sarcasm intended, just a very big left turn in the conversation about your cute dog. my apologies if it sounded otherwise -- I don't have anything against forcing the issue when it's that kind of issue!
debs Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Thank you again Q. I am sorry but I stand firmly with my convictions! THERE IS NEVER A GOOD EXCUSE TO CHEAT!
quankanne Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 THERE IS NEVER A GOOD EXCUSE TO CHEAT! which calls to mind a fleeting thought I had driving to work this morning: of those people in committed relationships (marriage, engagements, long-term BF/GF) cheat on their SOs because they feel they're lacking something because they "settled" with one person? I ask because I'd been thinking about certain friends of mine who married pretty much out of high school, who were complaining that they never "experienced" other men before marriage. Who were curious about what it would be like to be with someone other than their husband (to my knowlege, they remained monagamous, but still, they were regretful of not sleeping around more). How much further would the next step be to actually break those bonds of monagamy based on that mindset? On the flipside, I can think of people who had their share of lovers, but when it came time to be married, they said 'this is it, this is the one constant steady relationship I will commit to," because they got through sowing their oats. They're NOT upset at the thought of what they're missing because they've got who and what they need in their relationship with their SO. just some random thoughts ...
tiki Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 This is horrible. I'm so sorry you're having to experience this. I say keep digging. The more you find, the more you know, the more you learn. And you learn to play these factors into your life now. Education encourages growth.
savethedrama4allama Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 I just want to say debs that I think your avatar is the cutest thing too, I tried to PM you once actually to tell you but coudn't. And also that I didn't sense any sarcasm on quank's part either!! I think we're all in agreement on this here. Dog = cute cheating = bad And we're going to send the bunny clan if soon2bsngl's "other woman" tries to post up on here again.
Author Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 LOL!!! I wish she would post now that I know her screen name here. That would be too much fun.
savethedrama4allama Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Oh man, if she does let me know. We will have a field day.
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