GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 I moved here several months ago. For one week, I slept with a neighbour boy. Neither of us wanted a relationship, we were both single, and things just happened. Big deal. It ended well, no hard feelings, we met other people and it was fine for both of us. Now I have a boyfriend, who works with the neighbour. He knows about this, and got over it pretty quickly--it happened before i met him and whatever. It's fine, no problems between us. Neighbour started dating a girl just about the same time I met my boyfriend. She was crazy, but I found out she was especially not fond of me because my neighbour told her that he had been with me. He claims she asked him how many people he had been with, and when he answered, she wanted to know who. He told her my first and last names and that I was his neighbour. He also said "it was the girl who got your number for me the first night I met you because I was too nervous to ask" so she immediately knew who I was and what I look like. They break up pretty recently (not because of me.) Enter neighbour's NEW girlfriend-- not crazy, fun to hang out with, nice to all of us. Fabulous. Nothing like old girlfriend. Saturday--My boyfriend and I walk into my neighbour's house (he had a christmas party) and New Girlfriend, DRUNK, runs up to me, says "HEY YOU!" and hugs me, then says to everyone else "I love this girl, she is a crazy awesome person even though she slept with my boyfriend!" WTF!?!? She obviously doesnt have a problem with it like the last girl, because she said so, but even she did, i feel like it's my business and what happened happened so if she did have a problem she could go...pound sand. but that's not the point. Of course everyone else there already knew, we're all friends before we met her. my boyfriend knows and doesn't care, although i am sure it is uncomfortable to deal with it when it's announced. so what is the deal with my neighbour giving detailed information specifically about me to his new girlfriends? if they want to know how many people he slept with as a safety issue, fine, but my full name should have nothing to do with it. is it a drama thing? does he want them to think "i am so desirable that i slept with a neighbour, and i have easy access so be good to me"? is he just an a**h*** trying to cause problems? and how do i get him to stop doing this?
Author GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 oops, i tried to edit but it was too late... i realized i forgot to add that it doesn't seem like an "i'm going to tell the new girl ahead of time so it's not a trust issue later" kind of thing...even if he did give other names, they are names of people who are not around to have to deal with it. I am the neighbour, i am around, i have to deal with it. he's the type that if a girl has a problem with something he does or did, he says "hey, that's me. i'm not changing for anyone. you like me or you don't." he's not the type to apologize for his behaviour. he even told the last crazy girl (when she told him not to be around me, alone OR with other people ) that we were friends and no one tells him who he can and can't hang out with, that she could deal with it or leave. that was nice for me, cause he could have been a jerk and avoided me. he still is a jerk, but i liked that he said that. but this also makes it more difficult to approach him that his consistent dislcosure of something personal involving me is bothering me. ack.
Max Zoom Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 The only thing Max can think of to do is to pick an opportune moment and have a talk with this fu**king jerk-off artist and ask him in plain, but heartfelt words, to not tell people anymore. Explain to him that you are happy he's proud to have slept with you but that it hurts your feelings and embarrases you to have other people hear of it from him. I mean, short of moving to a new town or him having an unfortunate "accident" what else can you do? Max wishes you luck and assures you that if you ever become intimate with him, it shall be our liitle secret forever.
250r Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Sounds kind of rude to me for anyone to be saying that stuff to you. I can understand that he tells his girlfriend that you two dated but he doesn't need to say that you to slept together. Its very rude for anyone to say something to you about it. I beleive there is a rule somewhere that states a gentleman never kisses and tells Anyways, I think it would serve you best to confront them and tell them that it was in the past and that you've both moved on and would appreciate that it not be brought up again...
EC Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 You sure he is just not trying to make his gf's jealous? or he might have more than sexual feelings for you?
Author GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 a big thank you to you all of you... max-- thank you for your comments. i laughed hysterically at "unfortunate accident" because that would most convenient right now! and your discretion is appreciated 250r--we didn't even date, that's the thing. it was a one-week fling when we were both single and neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time. it's stupid now that i think about it, but it's over. at the time it seemed like the best idea ever! and really, it ended just fine. we didn't fight or anything, we just said, okay enough, time to move on. well, actually i said it, because i met someone that i DID want an actual relationship with, and the neighbour i both agreed that if one of us met someone, or just wanted to stop for any reason, the other had to agree, no questions asked. it went smoothly. and then he met someone too, so it worked out. EC--good god, i hope you're wrong. but even if he did, this all ended in june when i met someone else, and he's been with two girlfriends now...shouldn't he be over it? ack. but yes, you are all right, i should say something. i just don't know if it will make a difference. what a pig.
EC Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 You never know. Someone I think always catches feelings when intimate with someone else. You moved on but maybe he enjoyed what you had and ended up feeling more for you. He has had two girlfriends but that doesn't mean anything. I think you should tell him something..tell him look it happened, it's in the past, your really annoying the hell out of me with this, my bf is sick of hearing about it, its ok to say how many women but please don't disclose my name. If it doesn't make a difference get your bf to beat him up lmao jkjjkjkj but damn I dont want to sound mean but..you made your bed.......
Bronzepen Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 If you ended the relationship/fling then he could still feel jilted. Maybe he does have feelings for you or maybe he is just bitter that you beat him to the punch and ended your fling before he did. It seems like he is dating any girl that comes along just to show you that he too can move on like you did with him but in reality he is bitter. Maybe he is having trouble dealing with it. Who knows? You should speak to him. Ask him why it's so important to divulge his personal love life to everyone he meets. Why is he being insecure?
blind_otter Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by GirlDown EC--good god, i hope you're wrong. but even if he did, this all ended in june when i met someone else, and he's been with two girlfriends now...shouldn't he be over it? I did exactly this same thing. I slept with a neighbor (this was back in 1999), we ended up being great friends (and are to this day - he saved my life on sunday) - but he does tell all his girlfriends, and has for the last 6 years (ack) that he used to sleep with his goof friend, otter, the girl he hangs out with at least once a week, and always without his girlfriends around. His girlfriends have universally hated me, too, but I've been a buddy through the last 4 relationships that he has been in. My buddy isn't bitter, but he has a huge committment problem. I dunno, I'm friends with him still and we hang on the regular, so who knows. And I have also slept with him intermittently for the past 6 years, as well. I agree with EC - just because he had girlfriends (in my case, he even had a GF for 4 years), doesn't mean he is over you.
Author GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 EC-- i wouldn't care quite as much if he told her for his own reasons, but said " it really isn't your business anyway but i felt the need to tell you for my own reasons, please keep it between us. there's no need to get involved." then i would never even know, and it would make no difference to me. maybe i "made my bed" by sleeping with him, but these other people certainly weren't in the bed when i made it and should have nothing to do with it. i have the right to my privacy, regardless of who i choose to be with.
Author GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by Bronzepen If you ended the relationship/fling then he could still feel jilted. Maybe he does have feelings for you or maybe he is just bitter that you beat him to the punch and ended your fling before he did. It seems like he is dating any girl that comes along just to show you that he too can move on like you did with him but in reality he is bitter. Maybe he is having trouble dealing with it. Who knows? You should speak to him. Ask him why it's so important to divulge his personal love life to everyone he meets. Why is he being insecure? i guess this is possible....i just don't see it....although there were a few times afterward that he would try to get me to sleep with him again and i had to remid him that i was not only with someone, but someone who is his friend and colleague...but i thought he was just being drunk and not realizing what he was doing (he really was drunk) hmmmmm
Author GirlDown Posted December 22, 2004 Author Posted December 22, 2004 Originally posted by blind_otter I did exactly this same thing. I slept with a neighbor (this was back in 1999), we ended up being great friends (and are to this day - he saved my life on sunday) - but he does tell all his girlfriends, and has for the last 6 years (ack) that he used to sleep with his goof friend, otter, the girl he hangs out with at least once a week, and always without his girlfriends around. His girlfriends have universally hated me, too, but I've been a buddy through the last 4 relationships that he has been in. My buddy isn't bitter, but he has a huge committment problem. I dunno, I'm friends with him still and we hang on the regular, so who knows. And I have also slept with him intermittently for the past 6 years, as well. I agree with EC - just because he had girlfriends (in my case, he even had a GF for 4 years), doesn't mean he is over you. yeah, but we really did have a mutual understanding that we just weren't into each other like that...i somewhat knew him, but we didn't know each other too well at the time, just enough to hang out and do stuff and we got to know each other enough to know we could be friends who sometimes did "other things", but as far as a relationship, it would never work. we even had "don't date the neighbour" clause! causes too many problems...although this isn't much better i suppose...
Cecelius Posted December 23, 2004 Posted December 23, 2004 Is it possible that he's just a dumba$$? Most guys will get what mileage they can out of sleeping with a girl, if they're young. If he's that big a jerk and there's this circle of people, why not just avoid him?
Author GirlDown Posted December 23, 2004 Author Posted December 23, 2004 i do avoid him as much as possible, actually. i rarely make it a point to hang out with him; my boyfriend and i make it a point NOT to hang out with him. even though we are neighbours our paths don't cross as much as they could. the party i was at was his work party at his house(he and his brother own the company)...my boyfriend works there too. we went. and even though i don't see him so much, it took 4 seconds for it to come up again when i did see him. it's ridiculous. yes, it's possible he is just a jackass. i am seeing this fairly clearly now. the first girlfriend, okay maybe. but telling girlfriends about me is now becoming a habit. i want no part of it, and i don't know why he can't just let it go...
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