teressa0397 Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 OK WORLD ??? TELL ME HOW DO YOU WALK AWAY FROM AN AFFAIR????? IF IT"S SO EASY TELL ME; ILL TRY IT;
johan Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 I mean, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MARRIED/COMMITTED?
Bryanp Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Hello, I am assuming you are the one in the affair. If the assumption is true you may wish to ask yourself the following questions: 1) How would I feel if my spouse was doing to me what I am doing to my spouse? 2) Do I wish to be found out and be humiliated by my friends and family? 3) Do I wish to be divorced by my husband and see him marry someone else in the future? 4) How could I ever really trust the OM since he was so willing to cheat with a married woman? 5) How will the OM deep down ever have respect for someone who would cheat on their spouse? 6) Would you want your children to do to their spouse what you are doing to your spouse? 7) Would you want your spouse to put your health at risk the way you are putting your spouse at risk? 8) Does it make you feel good that your life and marriage are built on lies and betrayal? 9) Do you like who you really are and how you live your life? I hope this helps.
stets1997 Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Bryanp Amen brother. I can only add that the longer it goes the worse it is for your spouse. If you tell him, be honest. Once he finds out he will check to see if there is anything else he does not know about. If there is more that you did not disclose to him in the beggining, the harder it will be for him to trust you again.
Soon2bsngl Posted December 22, 2004 Posted December 22, 2004 Just try to imagine the look of devastation/horror/betrayal/pain/disappointment/shame....(you can fill in the blank with any other emotion that might follow) that the victimized spouse might have when you get caught. And you will get caught, everything comes out eventually. Just try and think about the lives you are destroying with your actions.
Author teressa0397 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by Bryanp Hello, I am assuming you are the one in the affair. If the assumption is true you may wish to ask yourself the following questions: 1) How would I feel if my spouse was doing to me what I am doing to my spouse? 2) Do I wish to be found out and be humiliated by my friends and family? 3) Do I wish to be divorced by my husband and see him marry someone else in the future? 4) How could I ever really trust the OM since he was so willing to cheat with a married woman? 5) How will the OM deep down ever have respect for someone who would cheat on their spouse? 6) Would you want your children to do to their spouse what you are doing to your spouse? 7) Would you want your spouse to put your health at risk the way you are putting your spouse at risk? 8) Does it make you feel good that your life and marriage are built on lies and betrayal? 9) Do you like who you really are and how you live your life? I hope this helps. thankyou for your comment all the above is correct; i'am ending the affair i can't take it anymore deep down its going to be hard for me - but i got to do it i got to do is right for me; do you think i should tell his wife or leave it be?? just let everything go and move on with my life;??
Author teressa0397 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by johan I mean, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MARRIED/COMMITTED? yes i'am married
Bryanp Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Hello Teresa, I think this is great news and exactly the right thing to do to get your life back on track and make you feel good about yourself and your marriage. I assume that your husband knows about the affair and if this is the case then you need to write a no contact letter together and send it to the OM. I also think it would be a great idea to inform the OM's wife at the same time because it will do two things: 1) It will hopefully forever break the connection between you two and it will be over. It will stop him from trying to suck you back in again and again. 2) If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you appreciate someone telling you? In addition, there has to be consequences to his actions or it will continue with you or someone else in the future. If you have not told your husband then I would strongly suggest you write a letter to him telling him about this, sitting with him while he reads it and show your remorse so you both can work on the recovery of your life and marriage together. If you do not do this then your husband may find out later or the OM may tell him. It is the lies that hurt so much. I am proud of you for breaking this addiction. Every morning look into the mirror and ask yourself is this who I wish to be and do I feel good being an honest person again. Put your love and energy you had toward the OM and concentrate it on your husband and your marriage and you just might be pleasantly surprised. If you respect yourself then everything is possible. I wish you luck.
KissMyTiara Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by teressa0397 thankyou for your comment all the above is correct; i'am ending the affair i can't take it anymore deep down its going to be hard for me - but i got to do it i got to do is right for me; do you think i should tell his wife or leave it be?? just let everything go and move on with my life;?? You are BOTH married? Am I following you? I was (and always am) tempted to tell MM's W, but I would recommend against it unless he has impregnanted you.
Author teressa0397 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by Bryanp Hello Teresa, I think this is great news and exactly the right thing to do to get your life back on track and make you feel good about yourself and your marriage. I assume that your husband knows about the affair and if this is the case then you need to write a no contact letter together and send it to the OM. I also think it would be a great idea to inform the OM's wife at the same time because it will do two things: 1) It will hopefully forever break the connection between you two and it will be over. It will stop him from trying to suck you back in again and again. 2) If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you appreciate someone telling you? In addition, there has to be consequences to his actions or it will continue with you or someone else in the future. If you have not told your husband then I would strongly suggest you write a letter to him telling him about this, sitting with him while he reads it and show your remorse so you both can work on the recovery of your life and marriage together. If you do not do this then your husband may find out later or the OM may tell him. It is the lies that hurt so much. I am proud of you for breaking this addiction. Every morning look into the mirror and ask yourself is this who I wish to be and do I feel good being an honest person again. Put your love and energy you had toward the OM and concentrate it on your husband and your marriage and you just might be pleasantly surprised. If you respect yourself then everything is possible. I wish you luck. thank's you are the only person has gave me the right kind of advise - iam going to get threw this and - when time goes on i will let you no how every thing turn out for me; i can do it one i set my mind too it; ---you no getting over an affair is not easy but there are a stopping point; thanks once again
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