TranslucentThoughts Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 I want to be friends with my ex and he doesn't seem totally against the idea. We didn't really talk a lot about it though. It's been a few months since our breakup and I think it could be worth a try. I miss him a lot and when we hung out we always had fun together. We always made eachother laugh and we could talk about anything. We haven't had much contact since we broke up and even though I had wanted to I decided having limited contact at the time was a better idea. We didn't have a bad breakup. I mean, yes it was hurtful... he broke up with me... but it was hard for him too. (he had said) Anyway... It's christmas break, and I figure this is as good a time as any to suggest getting together and try hanging out "as friends" We live about an hour apart but when we were together we just spent most of our time at eachother's houses. We both live in small towns... so, going out to do things is limited. I was thinking of just inviting him over to hang out for the day. (we're both in highschool by the way) So... we'd probably just watch movies, play video games and play in the snow. Lol. Regular stuff I guess. It would only be weird if we made it weird... and I have every intention on keeping it very casual. We rushed into a relationship really fast and never got the chance to be just friends first. So! If I call... (im very nervous) I have no idea how to go about asking really. I don't want him to think that I'm trying to get him back or anything. Please help. Also, if you have any other advice for me.... feel free. Thank-you in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
bicyclejunk Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 [color=darkred]Is it REALLY important to you to become friends?? Sometimes rushing into trying to become friends can not flower like you want it to. Every couple of people are different. Just take it slow. Why not let HIM strike up the conversation and make the first move? Huh?[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 22, 2004 Share Posted December 22, 2004 why did u two break up? and u said he broek up with you correct? it wont seem like an attempt to get him back if u dont let it..just casually have a conversationwith him askin hows he been then out ofnowhere just be like "hey we should hang out maybe get a bite to eat or soemthing" that way it will seem like u just thought of it and it wasnt premeditated. how much contact have u had with him if any?? and how often? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TranslucentThoughts Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 We were together for a bit over 11 months... Then he started acting weird and finally told me that his feelings for me had changed. He said that he still loved me but wasn't "in" love with me. We really haven't had much contact at all since we broke up. We're in the same school and we have one class together... but we barely talk to eachother.... some day's we'll say the odd thing to eachother... but that's about all. That's why I want to try a real friendship... make things less awkward... and get to know eachother on a just friendship level. School is really hard for that kind of thing... We've both got different friends and we never have time to just be together and hang out by ourselves. I was his first actual girlfriend... and it lasted awhile... for a first thing for him I think... I don't think he'd know how to go about asking me to hang out... like, he wouldn't take that first step, you know? He's a shy kind of guy and doesn't have much experience with relationships... or breakups for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 oh i see..well then sounds to melike u know what u have to do. it is hard when two people go to the same school, work, etc...it doenst alloow for proper time to heal and get over emotions. hell as it is..its even hard for me and it was a bit of a ldr(an hr away)!! i cant evenimagine being in the same school, yet alonethe same class!! just approach him and try to be his friend. as far as the he still loved you but wasnt in love with you...u have to allow him to be in love with u again.how much time has passed since the break up? if a decent amount..then it would be ok to try to reach to him in a friendly way. show himhow greatu are, happy, confident, positive..he'll liek that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TranslucentThoughts Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 It's been about 3 months now since we broke up. When it first happened I was a total wreck... and school made it so hard. It's still hard sometimes... but I hate the fact that we practically treat eachother as strangers. It just feels un-natural... going from being so close... to... barely speaking. And I'm not the kind of person who can just pretend not to still care about someone... just because things didn't turn out as planned. When he told me why he wanted to break up... it came as a big shock...I mean, we'd have occasional fights about silly things... but nothing bad and nothing that couldn't have been easily worked on and fixed. We were really in love and he told me all the time how much he loved me and how he hoped we never had to be apart. It was all strange... and I think other factors effected his decision that he didn't mention. I don't think his feelings just "changed" Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 yeah i completely understand how u feel to where everythin was goin so well then just ended liek that quickly right!!? ok well threee mths is ahwile now so thats good enough time that has passed..but if u two still feel weird being aroudn each other..than maybe not enough time has passed cause u wont feel natural..andit has to be just that. u ahve to let things go with the flow. makehim comfrotable..maybehe thinks ur alll sad or even mad at him..that is why i tell u to appear happy, positive, because he will not feel any pressure. hmmm what other factors u think affected his change?? Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Max thinks you need to get another boyfriend and other friends. He won't be the last friend that evolves out of your life. Let it go. Get over it. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TranslucentThoughts Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 I hate when people say that. "Get over it" and "move on" Like it's incredibly easy, and like you should just stop caring about someone completely. He may not be the last friend that evolves out of my life, but he's important to me. I haven't even tried being friends with him yet... but I want to. I don't think anything bad can come of it really. I mean... If I suggest hanging out and he says no... then he says no. Puma- you're the first person on here who I think actually gets the way I feel... and doesn't tell me to just move on. Thank-you so much. You've been really supportive and I really appreciate it. =) Other factors that I think influenced his decision was his parents. It's not like they ever treated me badly... they were always really nice to me actually... but his sister told me awhile after we broke up.. that his parents didn't think it was such a good idea for him to be with the same person until the end of highschool. They thought he should date other people and experience other relationships... and I think that attitude rubbed off on him. He always does what his parents say. Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Translucent, go back and read your first post. You said something to the effect: feel free to give any other advice. Did you really mean feel free to give any other advice except that which I don't like? Max insists that it is easy to "Get over it". You have to want to that's all. and max now knows that you really don't want to get over it because Translucent is longing to "go home again" which , everyone knows, you cannot do. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 It is a bit self-centered to assume that no one has ever had a break-up and no one else understands how hard it is...a lot of people say, "let it go" - because they speak from the voice of experience. I sincerely cared for my exhusband. I still do, to be honest, and I wish that we hadn't had to part ways. I tried being his friend, I really did. For me, it didn't work because I still love him so much. I can't be friends - I didn't feel like a friend around him, I felt like a lover. Some people can do this. The best I've been able to manage is being polite and civil - friendly around my exs, but not friends. We don't spend time together alone. I have my own friends who didn't have sex with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 translucenthoughts, ur very welcome, i enjoy helpin. if u feel his parents also had an affect on him i can understand that especially if family isvery important to him.hes gonna have to get to the point where he can think on his own and not be affected by anyone else around him...that will take time, alot of it. to those people taht tell u to move on, theyalso tell u from experience andthey dont want u to go through the same thing. sometimes its really hard being friends with an ex..especially if it was sexual also. uve shared a different part of them and that can be awkwardwhen u see them cause u remember that. BUT, if u want to behis friend then imsure u understandthat u shouldnt expect anything other than his friendship..and even at that, it wont be a complete friendship cause i guarentee u wont like some of the things he will share with you. it is hard to be freinds with someone u love but it can be done with the right attitude Link to post Share on other sites
Author TranslucentThoughts Posted December 23, 2004 Author Share Posted December 23, 2004 Sorry if I offended anyone... What I said must have sounded off. I didn't mean it to sound self-centred... and I wasn't assuming that other people don't know how hard a break-up is. I know that you all understand what that's like if it's happened... I just meant that... well... I guess some advice is easier to take. Especially when people tell you to move and you don't want too... and that's not what you're aiming to do. I'm aiming to start a friendship. That's all. I don't think anything bad can come from trying. Do you? I mean... the relationship we have now is like... nothing... because neither of us has done anything to make it otherwise. If he doesn't want to persue a friendship with me... well then I guess it's too soon. Maybe I should ask... make sure he really does want to try... otherwise there's no point, right? Uh-Oh!! I better go and help my family decorate the christmas tree. Haha... we just put it up like 15 minutes ago. Mmmm... love that fresh tree smell!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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