Why do guys have so little self awareness and do so little self evaluation?

[sally12adams]

There's this guy I know. He always thinks he's right and it's okay for him to diss other people or make deriding comments about those he doesn't like. And he thinks it's other people's problems that they don't socialise with him.

 

Even when he's nice, I now think it's pretense.

 

And when people give him constructive advice, he takes it as criticism.

 

You can never win with him. Not that anyone should waste their time though.

 

My point is what's wrong with people like him?! What's their psyche?

 

How can anyone have so little self awareness and not conduct any self evaluation?

[kassy]

I'm not sure what this has to do with dating...

 

But also it's hardly fair to label all men like this, there are some people in the world like this, men and women. These people are generally best just left to their own devices and don't spend too much time or effort on them

[jba10582]

I think its human nature to want to contribute in some form or fashion. Better to play in the game (even to risk injury) then to sit on the sidelines. Think about the best athletes, as they play more, they get more experience and skills, and therefore play more, then they get more experience and skill...

[soccerrprp]

I think its human nature to want to contribute in some form or fashion. Better to play in the game (even to risk injury) then to sit on the sidelines. Think about the best athletes, as they play more, they get more experience and skills, and therefore play more, then they get more experience and skill...

 

Absolutely no idea what you're talking about here, but, OP, some people are simply selfish, arrogant and full of themselves. All kinds of people out there. One part of maneuvering through life is to avoid such people.

[jba10582]

Absolutely no idea what you're talking about here, but, OP, some people are simply selfish, arrogant and full of themselves. All kinds of people out there. One part of maneuvering through life is to avoid such people.

 

 

yeah...i agree, don't know where I was going with that. was reading another thread. you can't change other people. you can decide to accept or reject them though.

[sally12adams]

I think its human nature to want to contribute in some form or fashion. Better to play in the game (even to risk injury) then to sit on the sidelines. Think about the best athletes, as they play more, they get more experience and skills, and therefore play more, then they get more experience and skill...

 

Please elaborate. What do you mean by contribute?

[carhill]

Why do guys have so little self awareness and do so little self evaluation?

 

Men are pragmatic and it works. Check out any widely successful male for key insight. With billions of people on the planet, they know and accept that they will be hated by a segment of those and they care less about that dynamic. They are not people pleasers. They please themselves and whoever is interested in coming along for the ride can do so, providing that person or those persons meet the mans needs and wants.

 

Of course, it's couched in socially acceptable terms and charismatic actions, but pay attention to the underlying methodologies. Sometimes this requires getting close to the person. Interesting stuff. Been a male for 54 and seen it all. Sometimes I'm baffled by how women put up with men too, but they do. Meh...

[sally12adams]

My OP is about some guy I was briefly dating. And it made me wonder why such a person existed.

 

But I agree that such people are best left to their own devices.

[jba10582]

Please elaborate. What do you mean by contribute?

 

my brain was drifting on that thought. I was responding to you and thinking about something else....

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

It's common for a person to wonder if it's the entire opposite sex that possess a trait that is undesirable.

 

The thing is, both sexes have these traits because it has nothing to do with being male or female.

 

Some people are just not right. I usually suggest researching "Personality Disorders" for getting a better idea of these people and what is motivating their distorted feelings.

[sally12adams]

Men are pragmatic and it works. Check out any widely successful male for key insight. With billions of people on the planet, they know and accept that they will be hated by a segment of those and they care less about that dynamic. They are not people pleasers. They please themselves and whoever is interested in coming along for the ride can do so, providing that person or those persons meet the mans needs and wants.

 

Of course, it's couched in socially acceptable terms and charismatic actions, but pay attention to the underlying methodologies. Sometimes this requires getting close to the person. Interesting stuff. Been a male for 54 and seen it all. Sometimes I'm baffled by how women put up with men too, but they do. Meh...

 

What do you mean by "requires getting close to the person?"

 

I got close and got spit out. I would be baffled if I put up with this sh*t.

 

Something must be wrong with this guy's psyche or experiences in life. Sad.

[sally12adams]

It's common for a person to wonder if it's the entire opposite sex that possess a trait that is undesirable.

 

The thing is, both sexes have these traits because it has nothing to do with being male or female.

 

Some people are just not right. I usually suggest researching "Personality Disorders" for getting a better idea of these people and what is motivating their distorted feelings.

 

Perhaps there are male and female species of the traits I described in that one person. However, as I've met other guys like him (no, I don't put up with such behavior but have seen such people in action) while not so much in my female friends, I kind of had to generalize a bit.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Perhaps there are male and female species of the traits I described in that one person. However, as I've met other guys like him (no, I don't put up with such behavior but have seen such people in action) while not so much in my female friends, I kind of had to generalize a bit.

 

Some people are great at hiding the disorder until they get really close to someone. So people who are just friends may not exhibit the behavior if a disorder did exist.

[sally12adams]

Some people are great at hiding the disorder until they get really close to someone. So people who are just friends may not exhibit the behavior if a disorder did exist.

 

This could be true. He seemed like such a gentleman initially. Then he showed his true colors.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

This could be true. He seemed like such a gentleman initially. Then he showed his true colors.

 

That's how it usually works.

[sally12adams]

That's how it usually works.

 

Though I have to say that he doesn't get along with most people. So it made me think I'm slow in seeing him for who he is. How is it that so many other people could tell but I wasn't able to see his real self. Now I feel really stupid.

[soccerrprp]

Though I have to say that he doesn't get along with most people. So it made me think I'm slow in seeing him for who he is. How is it that so many other people could tell but I wasn't able to see his real self. Now I feel really stupid.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. It happens to people all the time, especially to you ladies.

 

You get TOO close and myopic and invested and so you tend to look at the positives until the negatives start to nag at you. Even then, you buy into the constant apologies or reversions back to his/her "nice" side and forget the crap that just happened.

[carhill]

What do you mean by "requires getting close to the person?"

 

Examples would be a close male friend (if a man and the man is hetero) or girlfriend (if a woman and the man is hetero)

 

I got close and got spit out. I would be baffled if I put up with this sh*t.

 

Great example.

 

Something must be wrong with this guy's psyche or experiences in life. Sad.

 

Perhaps. One would have to examine the totality of his life to gain further insight. A generational description comes to mind: 'Oil and water'. IOW, incompatibility. If he's otherwise successful in life, an unknown by readers here, your description of him puts you in the billions who are not a fan of his. That's valid. Equally valid is his apparent lack of care about that. Life goes on.

[sally12adams]

Examples would be a close male friend (if a man and the man is hetero) or girlfriend (if a woman and the man is hetero)

 

 

 

Great example.

 

 

 

Perhaps. One would have to examine the totality of his life to gain further insight. A generational description comes to mind: 'Oil and water'. IOW, incompatibility. If he's otherwise successful in life, an unknown by readers here, your description of him puts you in the billions who are not a fan of his. That's valid. Equally valid is his apparent lack of care about that. Life goes on.

 

You can say he's in middle management. But why would his being successful make billions not be a fan of his?

 

I'm not sure he doesn't care about people not liking him. He actually "confessed" that it bothers him a little. That's why I labeled it as him lacking self awareness and self evaluation.

[RedRobin]

You might be interested to know that there have been studies that show that CEOs and highly successful people (usually men, because those make up the majority of those in such positions...) generally have very low 'EQ' or Emotional Intelligence.

 

Emotional Intelligence has many measures, but certainly self-awareness and empathy certainly accompany it.

 

I learned this while in the process of being groomed by a large multi-national corporation for positions of higher management. They were trying to introduce or at least sus out people's EQ, as they were having retention problems and other integrity related issues within the company at the time.

 

Ultimately, I rejected the opportunity because I was increasingly disgusted by the behavior of many of my peers. Took a big step back in favor of a simpler lifestyle among those more people and family focused.

 

Unfortunately for so many men, they are given the message by society and women (!!) that to be a 'man' IS to have the qualities you are describing. So it is a bit of a vicious circle that way. I'm glad to hear you aren't enabling it or participating in it. Count yourself lucky...

[sally12adams]

You might be interested to know that there have been studies that show that CEOs and highly successful people (usually men, because those make up the majority of those in such positions...) generally have very low 'EQ' or Emotional Intelligence.

 

Emotional Intelligence has many measures, but certainly self-awareness and empathy certainly accompany it.

 

I learned this while in the process of being groomed by a large multi-national corporation for positions of higher management. They were trying to introduce or at least sus out people's EQ, as they were having retention problems and other integrity related issues within the company at the time.

 

Ultimately, I rejected the opportunity because I was increasingly disgusted by the behavior of many of my peers. Took a big step back in favor of a simpler lifestyle among those more people and family focused.

 

Unfortunately for so many men, they are given the message by society and women (!!) that to be a 'man' IS to have the qualities you are describing. So it is a bit of a vicious circle that way. I'm glad to hear you aren't enabling it or participating in it. Count yourself lucky...

 

This information is a gem.

 

I know I said he's in middle management but in no way is he "powerful." At least not in my company.

 

But he's an ambitious person and all he thinks of is how to be successful and make more money. While I applaud the ambition and drive, I find him one-dimensional. It's almost like everything he does is for show. Imagine this picture. Someone trips in front of him. He looks at the person. And looks away. Apathy is also one of his traits.

 

I guess I was initially "attracted" to him because I thought he treated me differently to other people. As if I'm his favorite. Little did I know it was probably because nobody liked him that much anyway and he decided there was no point to like them or make an effort to make them like him.

[carhill]

I neglected an important 'why', that being socialization and role-modeling. I noted this at an early age, even prior to peer integration, when the sons of the brash, loud-mouth fathers began to take on the same mannerisms. Those with violent fathers trended to the violent. In essence, they were emulating what they were most exposed to, and later would peer-integrate with and gravitate towards like-minded peers. In my generation and demographic, this kind of 'maleness' was common, which was part of why physical violence against and by children was commonplace and accepted.

 

I see the remnants today when fellow males, normally stoic and unmoved by issues which greatly affect myself, reach a 'tipping point' under emotional stress and then, for lack of a better description, 'fall apart', simply because they never learned how to handle emotional responses in a measured and graduated way, rather to stuff them down and ignore them. This is part of the process of compartmentalizing, another 'why' regarding self-awareness and self-evaluation. Stick the stuff in the box and put it away and don't think about it.

 

In learning how to behave more like a typical male of my generation, I had to learn such processes and techniques and 'disconnect', though I still fail on occasion, hence get the 'you'll make a good wife' comments to this day. I surmise, in everything, there is a balance, and the example in the OP evidently did not strike the right balance, much as I didn't for certain/many people I ran into in life. It is what it is.

[sally12adams]

I neglected an important 'why', that being socialization and role-modeling. I noted this at an early age, even prior to peer integration, when the sons of the brash, loud-mouth fathers began to take on the same mannerisms. Those with violent fathers trended to the violent. In essence, they were emulating what they were most exposed to, and later would peer-integrate with and gravitate towards like-minded peers. In my generation and demographic, this kind of 'maleness' was common, which was part of why physical violence against and by children was commonplace and accepted.

 

I see the remnants today when fellow males, normally stoic and unmoved by issues which greatly affect myself, reach a 'tipping point' under emotional stress and then, for lack of a better description, 'fall apart', simply because they never learned how to handle emotional responses in a measured and graduated way, rather to stuff them down and ignore them. This is part of the process of compartmentalizing, another 'why' regarding self-awareness and self-evaluation. Stick the stuff in the box and put it away and don't think about it.

 

In learning how to behave more like a typical male of my generation, I had to learn such processes and techniques and 'disconnect', though I still fail on occasion, hence get the 'you'll make a good wife' comments to this day. I surmise, in everything, there is a balance, and the example in the OP evidently did not strike the right balance, much as I didn't for certain/many people I ran into in life. It is what it is.

 

Speaking of "falling apart," it does happen. He can be considered a high flyer in his previous position. So I think he lacks the ability to handle the not-being-well-liked-by-top-management situation, which is present in his current position. He crumbles, albeit internally, and thinks everyone else is the problem.

 

It's a pity because he's not a bad person though. I haven't seen him get violent. He does have a temper though I think he shields it from me. I've seen him flare up at others.

 

I guess he makes me realize what I don't want in a man.

[vtran31]

many men have an inferiority complex due to their genetic need to be an alpha male. your friend may be one of these men

[Woggle]

You can't please everybody so why even try. I know not everybody is going to like me and frankly I don't care. I am who I am and people can take it or leave it.