Vindictive

[Hurtandangry44]

So, I've done something really bad as a result of my hurt over what happened. I dated a guy for about 6 months, and recently found out he was cheating. Except it turns out I was the other woman and didnt even know it.

 

He has had a girlfriend who he has been exclusive with for over a year now. We recently found out about one another. She had chosen to stay win him, and I have chosen to leave.

 

My heart is broken. And I am angry. For emotional reasons, for health reasons, for all kinds of reasons.

 

So in my hurt, I submitted our story about a week ago to a cheater website. I posted his picture ad everything. I don't necessarily regret it, but I don't like who this situation has made me become.

 

At the same time, I want both him and her to know it's out there on the Internet for all to see. I'm thinking of sending them both the link. I know it's mean. Maybe even crazy. But it's how I feel at the moment. I honestly don't care if he hates me, because at the moment, I definitely hate him.

 

Should I do it? Or do you think I will regret it later?

[Janni]

So, I've done something really bad as a result of my hurt over what happened. I dated a guy for about 6 months, and recently found out he was cheating. Except it turns out I was the other woman and didnt even know it.

 

He has had a girlfriend who he has been exclusive with for over a year now. We recently found out about one another. She had chosen to stay win him, and I have chosen to leave.

 

My heart is broken. And I am angry. For emotional reasons, for health reasons, for all kinds of reasons.

 

So in my hurt, I submitted our story about a week ago to a cheater website. I posted his picture ad everything. I don't necessarily regret it, but I don't like who this situation has made me become.

 

At the same time, I want both him and her to know it's out there on the Internet for all to see. I'm thinking of sending them both the link. I know it's mean. Maybe even crazy. But it's how I feel at the moment. I honestly don't care if he hates me, because at the moment, I definitely hate him.

 

Should I do it? Or do you think I will regret it later?

 

Don't do it. Unless you want to be the crazy, pathetic, psycho mistress. Anyway, only do it if you want to be the type of person, that tells the world about what other people do and don't do.

[Hurtandangry44]

Don't do it. Unless you want to be the crazy, pathetic, psycho mistress. Anyway, only do it if you want to be the type of person, that tells the world about what other people do and don't do.

 

But I've already told the world. It's already posted, with his picture and everything on the website.

 

Now I want them to know that it is out there. That is what I'm asking advice about. Don I let them both know that now the world knows.

[Chi townD]

Nothing wrong with posting it to Cheatersville (in my opinion), but I would just let it go from there.

 

What would be the point? To let him know it's there? People will know it's there if they ever did a search of his name on the internet, it would be one of the first things that pop up in the search engine. So, in time, it will come out on it's own.

[Hurtandangry44]

Nothing wrong with posting it to Cheatersville (in my opinion), but I would just let it go from there.

 

What would be the point? To let him know it's there? People will know it's there if they ever did a search of his name on the internet, it would be one of the first things that pop up in the search engine. So, in time, it will come out on it's own.

 

Thanks for the response ChiTown. What if, though, he has a common name and so the likelihood of him, or others, seeing it isn't very good?

 

I guess I'm just at the stage (anger) where I want him to know that there are very real consequences to treating people the way he does.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for the response ChiTown. What if, though, he has a common name and so the likelihood of him, or others, seeing it isn't very good?

 

I guess I'm just at the stage (anger) where I want him to know that there are very real consequences to treating people the way he does.

 

 

Meh....things always have a way of coming to light.

 

You want vengeance, I get it. But, the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life. One day, he'll look back and see how well you're doing. Then, he'll have to come to terms with what he did, how he treated you and what he gave up.

[Hurtandangry44]

Meh....things always have a way of coming to light.

 

You want vengeance, I get it. But, the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life. One day, he'll look back and see how well you're doing. Then, he'll have to come to terms with what he did, how he treated you and what he gave up.

 

I like the way you think! And I'm trying, I'm really trying. I just hate him right now.

[Keenly]

Very immature, petty, and spiteful.

[ks0985]

oh jeez....do you really wanna be known as a crazy psycho bish?? then again after doing this i think its safe to say thats what your going to be known as.

[bubbaganoosh]

After it gets out and you don't get the response you get, then what? You gonna blow up his mail box? Crap in a paper bag, put it on his door step, light it and knock on the door? I'm going to assume that your out of high school.

 

The best revenge is no revenge. There's a old saying, "What goes around, comes around." Maybe not as soon as you would like but sooner or later it will happen. Maybe his girlfriend will do the same thing to him that he did to you. If anything, be happy that you found out and don't have to have a loser in your life.

[Zahara]

I guess I'm just at the stage (anger) where I want him to know that there are very real consequences to treating people the way he does.

 

Very real consequences? I don't think putting a cheater on a site like that is a very real consequence. They don't have a conscience so something like that while may anger them, it doesn't deter their behavior. (And be careful. You will never know how he is going to react. You're asking for trouble. You've just tarnished his reputation. He may not take it very lightly. ) They'll soon move on and keep doing what they've always been doing. Putting him in jail, is a very real consequence. Baring him from dating for 5 years is a very real consequence. Putting his mug on cheaterville? Not so much.

 

One year from now this would all be in the past. He'll be cheating. You'll be living your life. The site will be forgotten and that would be it. Focus on your healing instead of trying to teach a cheater a lesson. And even if he starts dating another woman, what would be the chances of her actually thinking to check a site like that and even if he does cheat and she finds out, by then him being on that site would be completely moot.

 

And if the other woman is accepting of him, imagine how many other women are tolerable of that kind of behavior. You're investing too much emotion and energy on a tool.

Edited November 15, 2013 by Zahara

[Hurtandangry44]

I know everything everyone has said is true. But I honestly don't care how he views me, or what his reaction will be. If I cared about that at all, I wouldn't have done it.

 

And Zhara, you are right. I'm probably expecting too much from this. I guess this isn't a real consequence. I would never check a site like that, but that wasn't really my point (to help future women). I did do it out of spite. I just want him to know that it is out there.

 

And I would never do any of the other things someone else mentioned. This was just my little way of getting revenge. I know it's childish. And I don't really care...

[Zahara]

I know everything everyone has said is true. But I honestly don't care how he views me, or what his reaction will be. If I cared about that at all, I wouldn't have done it.

 

And Zhara, you are right. I'm probably expecting too much from this. I guess this isn't a real consequence. I would never check a site like that, but that wasn't really my point (to help future women). I did do it out of spite. I just want him to know that it is out there.

 

And I would never do any of the other things someone else mentioned. This was just my little way of getting revenge. I know it's childish. And I don't really care...

 

We had a woman here at work do that to her ex (post on a site), he retaliated by scratching profanity on her car, sent anonymous letters defaming her at work to the HR dept and her boss, threatened her physically. She never went to the police because she was afraid of that snowballing and causing more issues for her. She left soon after that but we were told that he legally got the profile removed from the site. You never know how people may react. I don't think you are thinking this through with a clear head. Just as you desire very real consequences, your actions can garner consequences as well. Just cautioning you. Revenge isn't worth it.

Edited November 15, 2013 by Zahara

[Keenly]

I know everything everyone has said is true. But I honestly don't care how he views me, or what his reaction will be. If I cared about that at all, I wouldn't have done it.

 

And Zhara, you are right. I'm probably expecting too much from this. I guess this isn't a real consequence. I would never check a site like that, but that wasn't really my point (to help future women). I did do it out of spite. I just want him to know that it is out there.

 

And I would never do any of the other things someone else mentioned. This was just my little way of getting revenge. I know it's childish. And I don't really care...

 

 

Do what ever you want. It's you that has to look yourself in the mirror every day.

[Hurtandangry44]

We had a woman here at work do that to her ex (post on a site), he retaliated by scratching profanity on her car, sent anonymous letters defaming her at work to the HR dept and her boss, threatened her physically. She never went to the police because she was afraid of that snowballing and causing more issues for her. She left soon after that but we were told that he legally got the profile removed from the site. You never know how people may react. I don't think you are thinking this through with a clear head. Just as you desire very real consequences, your actions can garner consequences as well. Just cautioning you. Revenge isn't worth it.

 

That's scary and something I hadn't really thought about. Although I don't think he would ever do something like that.

 

I do get what your saying though. And thanks for the advice. I haven't said anything yet although the post is still there, pic and all. Not that I want to right now, but I don't think I can get it removed even if I want to some day.

[Hurtandangry44]

Do what ever you want. It's you that has to look yourself in the mirror every day.

 

What about how he has to look at himself in the mirror every day also. He's the one who is reallyvwrong in this situation.

[Zahara]

If I were you, I'd say nothing about it and just leave it up there. You didn't think he would cheat on you, yet he did so don't be so quick to believe that he may not retaliate because you know him. You've tarnished his reputation and you did it publicly on a website. Some people don't take to that lightly. I don't think you can delete it so just walk away.

 

He may be looking in the mirror everyday but he doesn't see what you want him to see. Cheaters don't have much of a conscience. I don't think it's about wrong or right, it's all about what they want. You're projecting your moral standing on him. Don't waste your time.

[Hurtandangry44]

I'm having such a hard time tonight. I literally cannot get over the betrayal. After reading your replies I decided not to say anything, but tonight all of that has gone out the window. I'm really close to telling both of them what I've done.

 

Please, please someone talk me off this ledge...

[Sugarkane]

We had a woman here at work do that to her ex (post on a site), he retaliated by scratching profanity on her car, sent anonymous letters defaming her at work to the HR dept and her boss, threatened her physically. She never went to the police because she was afraid of that snowballing and causing more issues for her. She left soon after that but we were told that he legally got the profile removed from the site. You never know how people may react. I don't think you are thinking this through with a clear head. Just as you desire very real consequences, your actions can garner consequences as well. Just cautioning you. Revenge isn't worth it.

 

Maybe he shouldn't have cheated in the first place because you don't know how someone's going to react. That's s bit rich from a cheater!

[Sugarkane]

If I were you, I'd say nothing about it and just leave it up there. You didn't think he would cheat on you, yet he did so don't be so quick to believe that he may not retaliate because you know him. You've tarnished his reputation and you did it publicly on a website. Some people don't take to that lightly. I don't think you can delete it so just walk away.

 

He may be looking in the mirror everyday but he doesn't see what you want him to see. Cheaters don't have much of a conscience. I don't think it's about wrong or right, it's all about what they want. You're projecting your moral standing on him. Don't waste your time.

 

Too bad more cheaters and jerks aren't on websites like this.

[Hurtandangry44]

Too bad more cheaters and jerks aren't on websites like this.

 

So, you think I should tell them? I was doing ok the last few days but the anger is still there, as is the urge tinker them know he's on a cheater website.

[Zahara]

Maybe he shouldn't have cheated in the first place because you don't know how someone's going to react. That's s bit rich from a cheater!

 

Of course. But you have no way of controlling the actions of others, just your own. He had no right to be mad because he cheated but no one can control his lack of self-awareness and the ability to feel guilt or remorse. Best to take the high road and walk away. Turning your life topsy turvy because you wanted to teach a cheater a lesson isn't worth the hassle and drama, especially when the lesson won't change a thing.

[Zahara]

So, you think I should tell them? I was doing ok the last few days but the anger is still there, as is the urge tinker them know he's on a cheater website.

 

Please stop this. You want to hurt him and possibly end their relationship because you've lost everything. If everytime someone hurts you, cheats on you are you going to channel your anger with revenge? Learn to deal with your anger in ways that will not cause you more hurt and pain.

 

I've had two guys cheat on me in my lifetime. We all have at least experienced betrayal once in our lifetime. The best revenge is living well. Try focusing on that. You've spent days stewing in your anger and your sitting on the fence about this damn website. All you've done is hold yourself back from your healing because you refuse to let go. The only one in pain is you. And after telling them, you'll have a little satisfaction and a few days later you'll go back to feeling the pain of betrayal again. Don't go looking for trouble when you can avoid it. Focus on healing and moving on. Don't allow this site to keep you connected to him and your pain.

Edited November 20, 2013 by Zahara

[Hurtandangry44]

Please stop this. You want to hurt him and possibly end their relationship because you've lost everything. If everytime someone hurts you, cheats on you are you going to channel your anger with revenge? Learn to deal with your anger in ways that will not cause you more hurt and pain.

 

I've had two guys cheat on me in my lifetime. We all have at least experienced betrayal once in our lifetime. The best revenge is living well. Try focusing on that. You've spent days stewing in your anger and your sitting on the fence about this damn website. All you've done is hold yourself back from your healing because you refuse to let go. The only one in pain is you. And after telling them, you'll have a little satisfaction and a few days later you'll go back to feeling the pain of betrayal again. Don't go looking for trouble when you can avoid it. Focus on healing and moving on. Don't allow this site to keep you connected to him and your pain.

 

I did it. I told him about the website and told him I was also telling his girlfriend (which I actually haven't done). He didnt respond and I don't care. I'm glad I did it. Time will tell if I continue to feel that way.

[Zahara]

Yes, time will tell. Hope you got the satisfaction that you desired. You should now focus on moving on.