blitzbop Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together. He's an introvert and doesn't hang out with his friends because he doesn't have any... I'm not joking, he has friends on Facebook but that doesn't mean anything. Long story short, I got a few problems because I still don't know what's best to do. I'm no best problem-solver, but this is worse than handling fussy clients... Friends Pretty often I would go out with my friends. I ask him if it's ok because we don't have anything planned anyway. Things go alright, he's not that kind of person who would be texting me this and that while I'm out. By the time I get home, he doesn't say a word. I thought, maybe he doesn't like me going out with my friends because he feels left out. But this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I see my friends. And when I feel like going out with him, he always says he doesn't wanna spend any money, there's nothing interesting to do out there anyway, bla bla bla. So my friends are always my escape whenever I feel bored at home! And we always find fun. I asked him once if he wanted to join us, but he didn't want to because we speak other language so I didn't force him into it, and I never asked again. He'd apologise the next morning for acting cold that night, but never give me any explanation why. He said he doesn't wanna stop me from hanging out with my friends, so why ignoring me? Punishment We live in Australia and my whole family is back in Indonesia so I fly back there quite some time. And we have a dog. A big dog that requires a big walk every day to wear him out. He works in a cafe, and I can understand that it can be hell exhausting. We had this discussion before deciding to get the dog and it'd be a good start to live a healthy life. We take turns in taking the dog, depending on who gets home first from work. And on the weekends, I take the dog because he works. So it's fair. Every time I get back to Indonesia, he never stops reminding me to take the dog for a walk. Saying that I have to feel how he feels because I'm relaxing and he has to take the whole responsibility on the dog. For example, if I stay for a whole month then I'd have to take the dog for the whole 31 days without a gap, doesn't matter how tiring my day is, doesn't matter if I have deadline to meet, doesn't matter if I'm starving as ****, doesn't matter if it's his day off, as long as the dog gets a walk.. So I deserve this punishment, he said. Is that normal? Coz I think that's kinda weird. Is it my fault to see my family that is so far away? He also doesn't take opinions, so whatever that I say is invalid. Most of the time I'd just let it go because I can't be bothered dealing with it. And when I know that what I say is right and based on facts, he still doesn't listen. That pisses me off, so I stay silent. But he calls me childish and sensitive. Am I just complaining here? But other than that, he's a very loving man. Edited November 14, 2013 by blitzbop
Philosoraptor Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Yea, loving and controlling. Put him in his place and stop being silent. Let him know how you feel and that his issues are not your burden. If he gives you the silent treatment or anymore of this passive aggressive behavior then dump him and find someone who you are more compatible with.
Author blitzbop Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Yea, loving and controlling. Put him in his place and stop being silent. Let him know how you feel and that his issues are not your burden. If he gives you the silent treatment or anymore of this passive aggressive behavior then dump him and find someone who you are more compatible with. I did tell him how I felt about being ignored for no reason and he responded in anger (he calls this deductive reasoning) telling me to be in his position. I told him to get a friend then maybe he'd understand that they're as important as him. Last words he said was "I don't have friends!" and that's where I got confused so I gave him some space instead.
Philosoraptor Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Dump him, you got your answer. His issues are not your burden. Really... I've been in your position years ago. Being with someone so cut off from the world that they have no real social life and expect you to understand them by holding yourself back. You're just a bad match and he needs to either open himself up one day or find someone as sheltered as he is. Not long after dumping him will you find how bright the world is again. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 blitzbop, Why in the world are you putting yourself through this????? You deserve MUCH more and if you don't start thinking about YOUR happiness and your sanity, you are going to be permanently scarred. You don't owe him anything. Find someone you complement or who complements you and makes you happy.
Never Again Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I usually advocate for "communicate and try before dumping". However, you've already done that. More than once from the sound of it. If you've had these fights with him often, if he can't find his own social life, if he can't respect you and your opinions, then you're better off without him. He'll be better off without you, too. It sounds awful, but he's hiding behind you.
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