Alex. Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Hey there. All advice and opinions welcome. So Me and my last major ex broke up about four months ago. It was complicated, but basically she had been dealing with some mental sickness since before we started going out and was trying my best to support her. She said was tired of hurting me, but I also think she wanted space to grow on her own. Co-dependency had also started becoming a part of our relationship, which was making us both unhappy. Afterwards I initiated a no contact plan as I needed time and separation to sort my head and heart out. Its been a pretty full on last couple of months, but I have also grown a ton and everyday I feel like I have moved in a better direction than the day before. We have texted little over the last couple of months, mostly initiated by her. I have been trying to stay as distant as possible for me, as I has just felt like the right thing to do. Anyway the other day I got a message from her saying "I think I'd like to catch up with you sometime, when you're ready. No rush, I just dont want us to drift away forever". My response was "I doubt that will happen to us. If two people want a connection the amount of time between is irrelevant. Let me think about it." Before this the last thing I heard from her was a note she wrote me in my things when I went to get them, saying something along the lines of "hey. I hope you have been doing well. I have been doing well and both me and my psychiatrist are happy with my progress. I look forward to the day we are both healed enough to talk as friends". This, combined with a number of other interactions we have had, makes me believe she definitely wants to see me. Her intentions behind it though is what Im curious about. Its possible she doesn't even know herself. So yeah. Im considering what would be the right course of action, for me. On one hand I would be lying if I said I haven't missed her at all. We were deeply inlove. On the other hand I'm worried that seeing her will spark up emotions I have spent the last four months getting over and coming to terms with. What do you think? Thanks, Al
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) In my opinion, you need to stay apart. I know it's what you want, but it's actually always about what she wants. She wanted to break up, she wants to remain friends and come talk to you when she is ready. How's that make you feel? When will it be about what you want? What happens when she eventually freaks out again should you reconcile? Don't be a lapdog. You need to take control, not of the girl-situation, control of your life. Tell her you're doing well, you're improving yourself and when you have time you'll let her know in a few weeks. Don't say "I need time to think", no, you need "time to do things that expand yourself" The focus here is you and what makes you better, not her. Edited November 14, 2013 by Ftheeastcoast
devilish innocent Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I wouldn't meet her yet. If you have to ask if you're ready, then you're probably not. I also think her messages made it pretty clear that her only intention is to be friends. Just the fact that you are questioning this is an indication that you're hoping for me, and likely aren't ready to handle a friendship yet. I would write her back and simply let her know that it's too soon for you.
BC1980 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I definitely would not meet her because it is about her. She's probably not trying to intentionally be selfish, but what about you? Are you okay just hanging out and being friends? One person usually gets hurt in they scenario.
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 If you can't see her without stirring up old emotions, then don't see her. Ending NC is only healthy when upon seeing the other person you either feel nothing or some peace knowing they are blinking & breathing. Anything beyond that it's too soon.
Author Alex. Posted November 18, 2013 Author Posted November 18, 2013 Very fair point. I'm no ones lapdog and I don't owe anything. Anyway this post is about what's the right course of action for me. At this point in my life I feel more empowered and at peace than I have been in the last year or two. I don't want to throw a spanner up in that and self sabotage. If it doesn't feel right, It doesn't. Simple. 1
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