FitChick Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 What exactly did you say? There may be multiple interpretations of your message depending on what he thinks about you, himself, his past relationships and women in general. Depending on what you said, no one can advise you to go or not go to the party.
forgetmenot75 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I'm not a chaser. I've never been that way. I would never send another message. I put myself out there, I'm seeing now that it was a mistake to do so. cool that you realized that
Blade96 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 If he's a friend kinda and you're on good terms he should be able to handle it. I've told some of my friends I liked them too. Put myself out there. They didn't feel the same way, and we just continued where we left off as friends. Still are friends. I put myself out there for my Russian crush. told him I liked him too. But he was like your guy - flirted. We still are on great terms. so your guy should be able to handle it if you are on good terms with each other. Muppet if he can't.
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 What exactly did you say? There may be multiple interpretations of your message depending on what he thinks about you, himself, his past relationships and women in general. Depending on what you said, no one can advise you to go or not go to the party. Word for word? I said: "hey, you're so hot, I'm interested in getting to know you better..." Then I gave my cell#.
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 cool that you realized that For sure. Haven't chased anyone since I was 14. Almost 20 years later, I figured wtf, what do I have to lose. That's why I feel like I pulled a "stupid". Put myself out there, and now I regret doing so.
carhill Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Word for word? I said: "hey, you're so hot, I'm interested in getting to know you better..." Then I gave my cell#. Kudos to you for being unambiguous. Considering all that has happened recently, I'd say that's a real positive move, regardless of his response. Personally, I don't see that as 'chasing' at all. You put clear interest out there and the rest is life. 2
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I am so embarrassed... I finally mustered up the courage after a year to message a guy I am interested in. I did it through fb. I was 99% sure he was as interested as I am, but just a shy guy, or perhaps intimidated. I don't ever put myself out there. I put a lot of pondering into reaching out to him. All the signs were there that he was as interested as I am and I decided to go for it. I messaged him last night through fb with my phone# and my interest. No response, and I saw he read the message more than 24 hours ago. I feel stupid now. My instincts are usually bang on. I never put myself out there for fear of being rejected. Damn fb for showing when people have read their messages. Don't assume the worst yet. Some people read and answer later when they have more time. Maybe he was on cell and checking, who knows.. 1
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Word for word? I said: "hey, you're so hot, I'm interested in getting to know you better..." Then I gave my cell#. His loss D. I truly mean that! You put yourself out there and he is a big (insert Mayor Ford's favourite word here! :lmao: Meow!)!! If he can't write you back and at least say thnks, I'm flattered but I'm too busy or whatever, then he is not worth it. Go to the party and ignore him. Smile if he says hi to you, then excuse yourself and go talk to someone else. Pretend like it didn't happen. Or you could make a joke of it, use humour say you were in a drunken stupor! 2
FitChick Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Maybe he thought it was someone playing a joke on him. How would he know it was really you? I would have said something different like, "I can't wait to see you at So&So's party. I've always wanted to get to know you so maybe we will have time to chat." If you want to be more overt, add, "I find you intriguing." Telling a guy he is hot sounds like you want a hookup. 3
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Go to the party! Have a lot of fun, flirt with other guys. Don't even give him a glance. Behave as though he doesn't exist. There was nothing wrong in asking him. Who knows he might still respond. But right now you should completely ignore him unless he personally comes up to you at the party and tries to have a conversation. 1
Dark_history Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I have to disagree with the ignore/avoid him approach that many of the others are saying to do. By doing this, you are going to come out as being cold and spiteful for not getting a response. And just imagine if maybe he was building up the courage to speak/do something to show you he was interested at the party. But yet there you are, looking pi$$ed off and avoiding him, so much for that. The best advise that someone gave was to act as if the message never happened. Say hi, smile, and move on with the party interacting with other people. This would show that you are mature enough not getting response. Avoiding him and giving a cold shoulder is something a teenager would do, which you are not And lastly, major kudos to you for giving it shot, it will get easier over time if you keep at it 2
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I have to disagree with the ignore/avoid him approach that many of the others are saying to do. By doing this, you are going to come out as being cold and spiteful for not getting a response. And just imagine if maybe he was building up the courage to speak/do something to show you he was interested at the party. But yet there you are, looking pi$$ed off and avoiding him, so much for that. The best advise that someone gave was to act as if the message never happened. Say hi, smile, and move on with the party interacting with other people. This would show that you are mature enough not getting response. Avoiding him and giving a cold shoulder is something a teenager would do, which you are not And lastly, major kudos to you for giving it shot, it will get easier over time if you keep at it Why does she have to smile n behave nicely towards a person who doesn't even reply to a message? She has every reason to be pissed off... She will not be coming across as cold n spiteful.. rather as someone who has moved on... and what difference does it make if this guy thinks she is cold and spiteful... ? Right now his own behavior is causing her stress... He should at least have said.. hey I saw your message and I would need some time to think... or anything or whatever... Why does he need courage anyways when she has done all the hard work I would say ignore until he comes up to you... He needs to behave like a man if he is one...
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I think that him not responding at all is super lame. That would take him down a few notches in my eyes. 5
Dark_history Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 This is a very strange thing to send. Shy guy: thinks someone is messing with him Confident guy: thinks this girl just wants sex Especially with the poor grammar... You should have said something like "Hey. I think you're really cool and it would be awesome if we got to know each other. Here's my number." Way more classy. I have to agree with this sentiment also, that's the feeling I got when I read the message, as if someone was trying to pull my leg. But that could just me the middle school picked on version of me speaking In fact it reminds me of those spam messages you get from craiglists when you put an ad up, of a fake girl looking for NSA sex. Why does she have to smile n behave nicely towards a person who doesn't even reply to a message? She has every reason to be pissed off... She will not be coming across as cold n spiteful.. rather as someone who has moved on... and what difference does it make if this guy thinks she is cold and spiteful... ? Right now his own behavior is causing her stress... He should at least have said.. hey I saw your message and I would need some time to think... or anything or whatever... Why does he need courage anyways when she has done all the hard work I would say ignore until he comes up to you... He needs to behave like a man if he is one... Spoken like a true teenager 2
ChessPieceFace Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Welcome to every single day of being a GUY trying to date GIRLS.
Emilia Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I think that him not responding at all is super lame. That would take him down a few notches in my eyes. Agreed. It is something that's also hard to predict IMO.
Emilia Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Word for word? I said: "hey, you're so hot, I'm interested in getting to know you better..." Then I gave my cell#. This is a rather odd thing to say to someone you don't know well. Agree with the other poster that you should have said something along the lines of wanting to get to know him better.
vtran31 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 there is a weird rule among guys where you arent supposed to contact a woman for several days:bunny::bunny:
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 This is a very strange thing to send. Shy guy: thinks someone is messing with him Confident guy: thinks this girl just wants sex Especially with the poor grammar... You should have said something like "Hey. I think you're really cool and it would be awesome if we got to know each other. Here's my number." Way more classy. Please point out the poor grammar. 2
todreaminblue Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 good luck d lish you took the chance you did right by you......dont worry ...its only one day yet...he will contact you if he has a gentleman streak.....or etiquette that includes thoughtful behavior towards others...either way you did good..brave girl....:bunny: have some bunnies on me.....best wishes...deb
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 That is a bit surprising D-Lish, that after much thought and consideration, THAT is the message in which you chose to send him... Now I don't want to make you feel bad about it, I realize you made a big move out of your comfort zone and I think that was a very brave and bold thing for you to do....nothing wrong with that. Personally however, with that kind of a direct message I would back-off a little bit, it's just a bit too direct and crass for my taste and didn't really provide me with any kind of immediate reason to contact you back. It's like...what am I supposed to say to that? Hot guy: "Hey...got your number on FB, calling me a hottie..." D-Lish "Oh yeah....you are a hottie" Hot guy "Oh yeah?" D-Lish "Yeaaaah" Hot guy "Oh yeahhh?" D-Lish "Yeaaaaahhh" *queue Madonna - like a virgin* I'm not very good with compliments either, it makes me a little uncomfortable and it's one of those things that make me a bit shy...just a lot of people wouldn't expect that as I'm a confident guy. And on top of it, I'm the kind of guy who could be eating a steak dinner and suddenly several naked cartwheeling women come out of nowhere spinning along, back and forth in front of me and I'd still keep eating my steak...I wouldn't just react, after all...I love a good steak. Now a lot of guys might be jumping up and down with a huge grin on their face, kicking their legs in the air like kangaroos with their eyes popping out 4 feet in front of them...but you're not going to get that kind of reaction out of me. So while many women might think "why isn't he jumping at the chance?...is he not interested"...I'm thinking about it, but I'm not going to change my plans or just react and immediately pick up the phone and start calling you back all excited like...I would just call when it feels right for me, after I've kind of processed the message in which was sent to me so out of the blue without even ever having talked to this person before. Now If I had spoken with you before, of course that might have changed things...but otherwise that might have caught me off guard, in the end to me it's no big deal, I wouldn't personally feel odd about seeing you at the party, and I do think you should go and just plant a smile on your face and if he doesn't respond or make a move to approach you then just let it go. A lot of guys out there are unsure, scared or maybe even intimidated...maybe he doesn't know what to do, versus just not wanting to contact you back yet. Most guys are pretty jubilant to receive that kind of a compliment and would pursue you, but maybe he's not the type...small possibility. Don't let that sting of "rejection" get you down...you don't know if he's dating someone or just didn't contact you yet, maybe he will take the opportunity at the party thing or whatever, maybe not...I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let it affect you so much, it's just your own fear and insecurity that is perpetuating the scenario, it's not the end of the world it's going to be fine either way. 1
bumpyroad Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) I think it was the content of the message that blew it. I'm not sure I would respond to that either, it just sounds like tacky spam or a mickey-take. But I would go to the party. And, actually, I would talk to him. Try to break the ice and perhaps apologise for the message, say you'd had a glass of wine too many or something when you sent it, and see what he says. He wouldn't have been staring at you if he didn't like you. Especially if your friends noticed too. I'm sure your instincts there were correct. He might just be shocked/bemused by the message, I would have been too. I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't feel bad for putting yourself out there, making mistakes and rejection is just a part of life for everyone. Edited November 15, 2013 by bumpyroad typo 1
Krandor Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I kinda have to agree. I'm not sure how I would take a message like that. If I knew I was going to see you at a party in a few days I likely wouldn't reply to the message but might try to "feel things out" some at the party. So my suggestion to you is to definitely go to the party and see how he reacts and possibly go up to him yourself and start talking to you. Just speaking for me, even if I had gotten a note I really liked from somebody I was likely to see in a few days, I probably would still wait and talk to them in person vs. replying back or calling right then. 3
carhill Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 To me, the spur of the moment message lines up perfectly with the dynamic explained here: No, he's mutual acquaintance of my friend group. I see him at social gatherings quite a bit. Tomorrow is my friends 40th b-day party and he will be there. We don't really talk much, we just smile across the room at one another. I'll look up at a party, and he'll be having a conversation with people- but he'll be looking at me the whole time. He'll make his way over and always be in proximity, and I'll see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me all the time. We've had a few awkward conversations where we both just blush a lot. They know each other, and have for quite some time, have had personal in-person contact and, with both of them apparently reluctant to 'step up to the plate', the OP finally took the first step. My vote remains 'go to the party'. 1
gaius Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 The entire sentence lol. It came off as trashy. I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's how it is. If I'm a guy looking for something serious, I don't know that I would respond to that either, no matter how hot you are. Maybe if it actually happens to you someday you might develop a stronger opinion on what you would do. I've heard a lot of ridiculous nonsense on here before, but that he wouldn't respond at all because of the content of the message might take the cake. If you're a guy you can get away with saying anything if a girl likes you and the same generally applies vice versa. A normal male would have replied to say thanks for the ego stroke at least even if he wasn't interested. He's got some intimacy issues going on. He'll probably be even more nervous and uncomfortable than you are at that party D.
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