D-Lish Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I am so embarrassed... I finally mustered up the courage after a year to message a guy I am interested in. I did it through fb. I was 99% sure he was as interested as I am, but just a shy guy, or perhaps intimidated. I don't ever put myself out there. I put a lot of pondering into reaching out to him. All the signs were there that he was as interested as I am and I decided to go for it. I messaged him last night through fb with my phone# and my interest. No response, and I saw he read the message more than 24 hours ago. I feel stupid now. My instincts are usually bang on. I never put myself out there for fear of being rejected. 1
TigerCub Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 It's only been 24hrs...relax. Maybe he is just trying to figure out how to go about this. Maybe he didn't want to reply so quickly so that he doesn't look over eager. You said he was super shy, maybe it takes him a Lil more to respond to these "advances". Don't stress yet, give it another 24.
Author D-Lish Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 It's only been 24hrs...relax. Maybe he is just trying to figure out how to go about this. Maybe he didn't want to reply so quickly so that he doesn't look over eager. You said he was super shy, maybe it takes him a Lil more to respond to these "advances". Don't stress yet, give it another 24. You're right, I need to relax. It's just that I haven't put myself out there in years. I'm always very careful about avoiding rejection. Now I'm questioning my instincts.
TigerCub Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You're right, I need to relax. It's just that I haven't put myself out there in years. I'm always very careful about avoiding rejection. Now I'm questioning my instincts. I totally get it - everything seems so much more intense when we make the move and put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Trust your instincts. Good luck. 1
Author D-Lish Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Thanks. I honestly wouldn't have put myself out there if I wasn't sure there was a mutual interest- I was so sure. I've got to face him Friday. I'm dreading it.
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 hmm. Did you already have him on facebook? If I already had him;I would chat and suggest that we hang out sometime. If I didn't have him added already? I would have sent him an add. Then suss things out. I always go sniffing before I directly ask. Seems he was being flirty and giving you signs? When that happens to me, I take it further and further.. until he is practically speling out for me that he would love to go out with me. Good luck with this, I really do hope he responds. And that he accepts:lmao: Will be a tough 24 hours or so. Especially if he doesn't respond.. In which case, you're not the type to make a fool out of yourself so.. it would still suck though!
gaius Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Guy at work you had the connection with? Even if he doesnt come around you probably were right about mutual interest but some shy guys are so messed up they won't take what they want even when it's dangled right in front of them. 4
melell Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Even if you were wrong about this, there is something charming about being vulnerable at times. Good for you for reaching out. 3
Kate9292 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Thanks. I honestly wouldn't have put myself out there if I wasn't sure there was a mutual interest- I was so sure. I've got to face him Friday. I'm dreading it. Whatever happens, you're gonna be fine. :hugs: 1
StanMusial Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Thanks. I honestly wouldn't have put myself out there if I wasn't sure there was a mutual interest- I was so sure. I've got to face him Friday. I'm dreading it. What is the worst that could happen? I've faced girls before that rejected me, I just went aboout my business like nothing happened. And nothing ever did LOL. 3
myothernic2 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I am so embarrassed... I finally mustered up the courage after a year to message a guy I am interested in. I did it through fb. I was 99% sure he was as interested as I am, but just a shy guy, or perhaps intimidated. I don't ever put myself out there. I put a lot of pondering into reaching out to him. All the signs were there that he was as interested as I am and I decided to go for it. I messaged him last night through fb with my phone# and my interest. No response, and I saw he read the message more than 24 hours ago. I feel stupid now. My instincts are usually bang on. I never put myself out there for fear of being rejected. Even if he does reject you, you would have been wondering "what if" if you didn't try. 1
jba10582 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You did not pull anything stupid. In fact by taking yourself out of comfort zone, you did the smart thing and are growing in a positve way. The experience will bring value to you in ways you may not even know yet. 4
JamesM Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 D-Lish, you did not pull a stupid. You took a risk. The result is never guaranteed. BTW, he may be shy and that is why he did not respond. If I recall correctly, you are a beautiful blonde who WOULD be a bit intimidating to a shy guy who finds it tough to approach women. Relax. He is probably worried about seeing you on Friday, too. 3
emva07 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 D-Lish, you did not pull a stupid. You took a risk. The result is never guaranteed. BTW, he may be shy and that is why he did not respond. If I recall correctly, you are a beautiful blonde who WOULD be a bit intimidating to a shy guy who finds it tough to approach women. Relax. He is probably worried about seeing you on Friday, too. THIS! Plus if he is not interested....his loss.....but at least you won't always ask yourself all the countless "what-ifs" that come with not taking the initiative yourself. Good job, and whatever happens, there is nothing stupid about expressing your feelings to another human being.
mammasita Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Nothing wrong with taking risks and further there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being rejected. It happens to EVERYONE. The fear of rejection is crippling, being able to handle rejection and keep trying is liberating. 1
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Guy at work you had the connection with? Even if he doesnt come around you probably were right about mutual interest but some shy guys are so messed up they won't take what they want even when it's dangled right in front of them. No, he's mutual acquaintance of my friend group. I see him at social gatherings quite a bit. Tomorrow is my friends 40th b-day party and he will be there. We don't really talk much, we just smile across the room at one another. I'll look up at a party, and he'll be having a conversation with people- but he'll be looking at me the whole time. He'll make his way over and always be in proximity, and I'll see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me all the time. We've had a few awkward conversations where we both just blush a lot. I know he's 36, divorced, no kids, single. Even my friends notice he's always looking at me. I honestly thought all he needed was a green light. Going on two days now, and still radio silence. I'm considering bailing on the b-day party. 1
carhill Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 IMO, after a year, 24-48 hours is nothing to be concerned about. I can empathize, having done similar acts hundreds of times over the decades. The main difference is that I never knew if the lady was single or not, and most weren't. Take a deep breath and don't bail on the party. Hope your face and eyes are feeling better. My instinct is that the next time you have contact, it will be positive, no matter the outcome. 2
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Nothing wrong with taking risks and further there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being rejected. It happens to EVERYONE. The fear of rejection is crippling, being able to handle rejection and keep trying is liberating. I can handle the rejection, I don't like it- but no one does. I avoid putting myself in the position of being rejected, and have for years. I usually let it get to the place where I am overly comfortable it's a sure thing before I reach out. I am dreading the party because I don't know how to act in front of him now that I've made myself completely vulnerable. I'm starting to question my instincts in a major way, and it's confusing me.
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 IMO, after a year, 24-48 hours is nothing to be concerned about. I can empathize, having done similar acts hundreds of times over the decades. The main difference is that I never knew if the lady was single or not, and most weren't. Take a deep breath and don't bail on the party. Hope your face and eyes are feeling better. My instinct is that the next time you have contact, it will be positive, no matter the outcome. Thanks Carhill. I'm seeing a few specialists over the next few weeks. My family doc team has been useless- so my dad (a Physician) stepped in and made some urgent calls for me to some specialists he has a relationship with. My condition is remissive at the moment, hence the confidence to reach out for a date, lol. I honestly think I would take a rejection response over the radio silence. It's the up in the air, no response thing, that is giving me anxiety. I told my friend I may have to work late so might not make it to the party. Maybe I should confide in her what is happening. I'm usually private about these types of things.
Leigh 87 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 oh:( I wouldn't go to the party either. Sorry. I saw your pictures before and you are very pretty, no idea why this fool STARES at you continually, if he IS NOT interested?! Men who so this really frustrate me Anyways. I would go and do something nice at the party. Then next time you come accross him? It will ave blown over. If he tells anyone, he is obviously an @sshole. I hope he is at least nice enough to keep it to himself, so you can go back to politely ignoring him next time you two cross paths! Good lord, though.... How difficult is it to say " no thanks" or give SOME sort of response? Anyone with any social skills will know that.. if someone askes you out... and you ignore them.... the person will likely feel embarrassed? He is either socially retarded like that, OR he just doesn't care. And is therefore, not the nicest guy. Sucks to be embarrassed but please don't. A lot of women and men go through this every day.
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 D-Lish, you did not pull a stupid. You took a risk. The result is never guaranteed. BTW, he may be shy and that is why he did not respond. If I recall correctly, you are a beautiful blonde who WOULD be a bit intimidating to a shy guy who finds it tough to approach women. Relax. He is probably worried about seeing you on Friday, too. Thanks James:love:. I did take a risk. I did sit there looking at the message to him for about an hour before I pressed send. I went over and over in my head all of the signs and signals before I sent it. I am not sold on going to the party tomorrow.
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 oh:( I wouldn't go to the party either. Sorry. I saw your pictures before and you are very pretty, no idea why this fool STARES at you continually, if he IS NOT interested?! Men who so this really frustrate me Anyways. I would go and do something nice at the party. Then next time you come accross him? It will ave blown over. If he tells anyone, he is obviously an @sshole. I hope he is at least nice enough to keep it to himself, so you can go back to politely ignoring him next time you two cross paths! Good lord, though.... How difficult is it to say " no thanks" or give SOME sort of response? Anyone with any social skills will know that.. if someone askes you out... and you ignore them.... the person will likely feel embarrassed? He is either socially retarded like that, OR he just doesn't care. And is therefore, not the nicest guy. Sucks to be embarrassed but please don't. A lot of women and men go through this every day. Thanks Leigh:love: It's confusing to say the least. I thought he was just a bit shy. I probably shouldn't avoid the party as the girl is my close friend. He is just a friend of a friend. I gave him my # and my interest. Even if he just said he is seeing someone or not interested, I'd have some relief from the anxiety of the silence.
forgetmenot75 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Hi there, I'm so sorry about the whole situation, I know how youre feeling. Try not to make a big deal of what had happened (him ignoring you). Act as if nothing happened, smile and be friendly. He's the jerk. At least he could have said something, ANYTHING. Right? such and idiot. but ok, you act as if nothing happened. Regarding the party, I WOULD go. why are you going to deprive of a fun moment for a guy? Go, and have fun. Dance, laugh, smile. Do act naturally. If you have to say hello to him, go and say hi as if he were an acquaintance. smile, and move on. do not message him anymore, do not look angry, do not approach to him in the party and please, do not put yourself in that kind of situation again. MEN LIKE TO CHASE. simple as that. Let them chase you, if he's interested, you'll know. Eve n if it's the shiest person in the world. you'll know. Chin up! 1
Author D-Lish Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 do not message him anymore, do not look angry, do not approach to him in the party and please, do not put yourself in that kind of situation again. MEN LIKE TO CHASE. simple as that. Let them chase you, if he's interested, you'll know. Eve n if it's the shiest person in the world. you'll know. Chin up! I'm not a chaser. I've never been that way. I would never send another message. I put myself out there, I'm seeing now that it was a mistake to do so.
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