Friendzoned, Or Reading Too Much Into It?

[lakerman34]

So, I went on this "date" with an 18 year old girl sort of to get my mind off of a girl I like (my friends insisted). I'm 23.

 

I, honestly, had the intentions of a one night stand, but she turned out being a lot cooler, more adorable, and most importantly, more mature than her age. She really surprised me.

 

It ended up in a hangout session in her new apartment with her roommate. It was going to be a night out just her and me at the movies and then drinks in her apartment (I was NOT distributing the drinks), but her roommate had something with her boyfriend, and was really emotional.

 

I got there, and they pretty much wanted to go to Walgreens right away. We walked there. Her roommate was on the phone WAY behind us talking to her boyfriend, and the girl and I were flirting the entire time. Lots of sexual innuendos and jokes, and I kept touching her, and she'd sometimes (not even all the time) say "stop" and then giggle (she liked it -- more of a "give me more" laugh than an uncomfortable one).

 

We get back to their apartment, and she invites me to her room. I was drinking a little bit, and she was packing a joint (she smokes, I don't) in her bed. I continued the sexual jokes. She told me she found a broken phone, I offered to buy it. She gave it to me telling me "pay me next time we see each other."

 

Then, later in the night after she smoked and ate, she told me "you know what? Give me the phone back, I have pictures on it."

 

I told her we still needed to go see the movie that we meant to see together, she asked her roommate if she wanted to come with (also, her roommate was there when I asked, and this girl is INCREDIBLY polite -- almost too much so).

 

Then, she started resisting my touching her.

 

She told me she was tired and wanted to go to bed (her roommate had to go to bed, she had to drive her roommate to work, and they have to be obnoxiously quiet because their upstairs neighbor called them for noise twice -- even when they were doing regular activities like cooking).

 

I told her I couldn't drive and would be more comfortable to crash on the carpet for 30 minutes, she told me "I have to lock up and want to go to bed, so just go to your car, turn the heat on, play some music, and sober up." (No worries -- got home safe).

 

On my way out, I knew there was an awkward moment...she looked at me like "what happens now?" I told her to hug me, she gave me a PRETTY comfortable hug. It started as a lean-in hug, but it became a full on hug. She told me to "hit her up."

 

Usually, I can sense when I am friend-zoned, but this was VERY on the fence. Could go either way.

 

I texted her saying "hey, I had a fun time, thanks for having me. Your roommate is a riot, but I get MAD awkward in super social situations. But listen, I would like to take you on a more formal date, if you are interested. I'll let you know."

 

I figure get my intentions out there nice and early.

 

I told my friend who INSISTED I date her (he thought it would be a ONS of sorts too) that she is DEFINITELY dating material, but due to her young age, definitely not relationship material....not yet, anyways.

 

For what it's worth, I could tell that the roommate thought I was cool.

 

Any thoughts/suggestions?

Edited November 14, 2013 by lakerman34

[lakerman34]

bumppppppppppp

[Zahara]

So, did she respond?

[lakerman34]

So, did she respond?

 

no response yet

[Zahara]

I'm wondering if after the weed and alcohol wore off, she sobered up and wasn't feeling as receptive as she was when under the influence. I thought it was rather cold to shove you off and tell you to go sober up in your car. Not good.

 

I have a feeling she isn't quite interested. But wait and see what her response is. You'll be able to better decide. Don't text again.

[lakerman34]

I'm wondering if after the weed and alcohol wore off, she sobered up and wasn't feeling as receptive as she was when under the influence. I thought it was rather cold to shove you off and tell you to go sober up in your car. Not good.

 

I have a feeling she isn't quite interested. But wait and see what her response is. You'll be able to better decide. Don't text again.

 

She actually didn't really drink. I think after the food (she practically killed a pizza and mozzarella sticks by herself) and smoking, she was legitimately tired. Also, those high fat foods are a mood killer and sex drive killer.

 

Yeah, no more texting. I'm going to listen to Doc Love and wait a week. One of her best friends is one of my best friends (the one who intro'ed me to her), so I have an "in" with her. They see each other practically everyday (they work together). He'll definitely spin any conversation about me in my favor.

[lakerman34]

I know that phone was rendered useless to her. So, I think JUST to make money (she was excited when I told her I'd buy it off of her), she'll contact me. Can't say no to $50.

 

I think I'll tell her "interest has built. I'll still buy it for $50, but you gotta go on a date with me too. Nice restaurant, dress nicely, the whole shebang, and at the end of the night, see how we are feeling."

[todreaminblue]

I know that phone was rendered useless to her. So, I think JUST to make money (she was excited when I told her I'd buy it off of her), she'll contact me. Can't say no to $50.

 

I think I'll tell her "interest has built. I'll still buy it for $50, but you gotta go on a date with me too. Nice restaurant, dress nicely, the whole shebang, and at the end of the night, see how we are feeling."

 

 

that sorta sounds like ill buy your phone but you have to date me too.....i would keep transactions and dating separate if i were you..... just a thought...its not really cool to say what you said...think of something a bit nicer...

[lakerman34]

that sorta sounds like ill buy your phone but you have to date me too.....i would keep transactions and dating separate if i were you..... just a thought...its not really cool to say what you said...think of something a bit nicer...

 

HAHA yeah....smooth talking isn't my forte. I thought I could make it sound cute rather than forceful.

 

The more I think about it, the more I think that's a joke.

[lakerman34]

So....

 

We hung out on Wednesday night, and I made 0 contact with her since (except the text I sent her a bit afterwards telling her I wanted to take her out on a date).

 

I waited until Monday afternoon to call her (I know she has her day off). She doesn't pick up. I don't leave a message. Shortly after, I see her on Facebook. She is fully aware I called.

 

A friend of mine (she's 45) told me that she's probably playing hard to get, and she needs to, considering she's the type of hottie that EVERY guy hits on (if you look on her FB page, there are a bunch of guys practically begging to get a piece of her). She said to stick with what I'm doing because I'm differentiating myself as a man amongst the boys.

 

I think I'm going to wait until Thursday, call again, and if no reply, leave a brief message restating my intentions, asking her out. If I get no response from this, I'll fold and move on.

 

The lady I told my story to told me that she may have been nervous to pick up, and may think I only want sex (I may have come on too strong and I'm naturally handsy). But, she said, the fact that I'm not blowing up her phone, constantly texting, constantly posting on her FB is helping my situation.

 

My friend who introduced me to her is, like I predicted he would be, absolutely NO help.

 

Thoughts?

[TB Rhine]

She's perfectly aware of your intentions. If a girl is interested in you, she may "play hard to get" to a certain extent, but there will be a push and pull involved. All I'm seeing here is push.

 

The whole "resisting you touching her" thing is a big red flag - maybe the biggest one there is. A girl who's into you might put the breaks on a sexual encounter if it's trying to happen too early, but she's not going to shy away from your very touch. Getting physical is how a guy shows his interest in a girl, and being receptive to that (within certain limits, limits which expand as the relationship progresses) is how the girl reciprocates. She's not reciprocating, ergo she's not interested.

 

Offering to buy the phone was a big mistake as well, by the way. It comes off as either A) You trying to "help her out" or going too far out of your way to please her - classic Nice Guy move - or B) An especially skeazy way of trying to establish quid pro quo between you. You are not a girl's cash machine, handyman, errand boy, personal assistant, sworn protector, or knight in shining armor, especially in the early goings of a relationship. Any attempt to cast yourself in that role prematurely is a sure way to shoot yourself in the foot.

[lakerman34]

She's perfectly aware of your intentions. If a girl is interested in you, she may "play hard to get" to a certain extent, but there will be a push and pull involved. All I'm seeing here is push.

 

The whole "resisting you touching her" thing is a big red flag - maybe the biggest one there is. A girl who's into you might put the breaks on a sexual encounter if it's trying to happen too early, but she's not going to shy away from your very touch. Getting physical is how a guy shows his interest in a girl, and being receptive to that (within certain limits, limits which expand as the relationship progresses) is how the girl reciprocates. She's not reciprocating, ergo she's not interested.

 

Offering to buy the phone was a big mistake as well, by the way. It comes off as either A) You trying to "help her out" or going too far out of your way to please her - classic Nice Guy move - or B) An especially skeazy way of trying to establish quid pro quo between you. You are not a girl's cash machine, handyman, errand boy, personal assistant, sworn protector, or knight in shining armor, especially in the early goings of a relationship. Any attempt to cast yourself in that role prematurely is a sure way to shoot yourself in the foot.

 

Buying the phone may have come off that way, but I would have made LOTS of profit off of her. She didn't have to know that

 

We went to Walgreens, and I actually made her hold my back (long story -- didn't tell her to just "hold my bag," but she, more or less, lost a bet).

 

And I don't know. I'd say smacking a girl's ass is a HUGE no-no, and I kind of just did it. I didn't mean to. Her reaction was she just laughed.

 

Throughout the night (except towards the end), I realized she was twiddling with her hair around me A LOT, and I would draw myself close to her and just sort of walk away. Teased her a lot all night....very subtly.

 

I think I'm going to call her tomorrow. See if she responds. Otherwise, I'm calling it a ballgame.

[Lansing]

Umm.. You made your intentions clear.... you texted her... then called her... both with no responses.

 

If I were you I wouldn't bother following up. You are better off to ignore her completely and then MAYBE try again if you run into her in the future.

 

I think you made things awkward... That text that you thought you would send her about buying the phone/if you get a date comes across as awkward. I am guessing you did something awkward during the first hang out too (when you tried to increase the touching/etc probably)

[lakerman34]

Umm.. You made your intentions clear.... you texted her... then called her... both with no responses.

 

If I were you I wouldn't bother following up. You are better off to ignore her completely and then MAYBE try again if you run into her in the future.

 

I think you made things awkward... That text that you thought you would send her about buying the phone/if you get a date comes across as awkward. I am guessing you did something awkward during the first hang out too (when you tried to increase the touching/etc probably)

 

All I did was text her saying I had a good time and would like to take her out. THAT'S it. The buying the phone was because she had a broken phone that she said she "didn't know what to do with it." I did not text her about that.

[TheBladeRunner]

Join the friend zone.....it's not so bad........

[TB Rhine]

Yes. Yes it is.

[lakerman34]

-Left the text on Wednesday night

-Monday afternoon called her, did NOT leave a voice mail

-Thursday afternoon called her, LEFT a voice mail

 

No response. No response. No response.

 

On to the next one.