Hearmelove Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Hi Everyone, I've actually been around the forum for a while (Since August 2013) and decided to finally register for some help. My ex and I broke up in June 2013. Here is some history about us: - We were friends for a year before. - We were together for 11 months. - We are both 21 this year. - I liked his friend first and that caused A LOT of drama. After his friend confronted me and told me he did not like me, my ex and I became friends again because he felt as though I used him to get to his friends. - After we made up as friends, he started texting, calling me, and asking to hangout a lot. - He's one of those guys when he likes a girl he REALLY likes her. (Ie. He liked a girl for a year even though she rejected him twice). - He asked me out and we had a very good relationship. - The only thing that stood out was that I was very emotionally dependent on him. - He could NOT drive nor had his license therefore, I felt that he did NOT have the steering wheel in the relationship. (All his friends could drive except him because he comes from a single parent low income household) - I admit that during our relationship I was very childish and would cry and nag him when we couldn't hangout because he was tired. The only reason I would do this was because I managed my time well (did all my studying, papers, and homework on time) while he would skype with his guy friends and play League of Legends.. - I became VERY dependent on him. When he was out with his friends, I would be at home WAITING by my phone. He would text me here and there when he was out. Other then that, our relationship was wonderful. To this day, we are both virgins. He and I believe that we shouldn't just give such a precious thing away, therefore, I am not attached to this guy because of sex. (I actually treasure this part about him a lot to be able to wait. He did NOT pressure me to have sex or get birth control pills. How rare is that?!) When we broke up this is what happened: - It happened after he got an internship. In the beginning of May, his mom went back to school, therefore she could only work once a week. He was given more home duties and working more. - This is his last year of college, majoring in Finance. We are from an area where Finance is hard to find a job, therefore he has always told me that he is unsure if he would stay here, but would really want to stay here. - He called me and said he could not do it anymore because we were too young. - He did not want to commit to anything because in his life, he was unsure where he was headed. - He said if we were older, things would be perfect. - He just wanted to date other people. - I went to his house the day after we broke up unannounced (How dumb right?) and he began crying and hugged me. He said he can't do a relationship right now. He said we both need to grow up to become better people and become happier. I agreed because I depended on HIM for happiness. When I wasn't with him, I wasn't happy. The same for him. He said that although things may be painful and we may go through things we can't imagine at the time, we must both grow. He said that it wasn't because he lost feelings, but because this is the best and I couldn't understand it. - He would IM me on facebook once a week and tell ask me how I'm doing and tell me how he was doing. Those IMs stopped of course after two weeks which caused a lot of anxiety on my part. The messages he sent were very mixed and honestly, it seemed like he was very unsure and scared himself. - 2 months after the BU, I heard he was hanging out with a girl that was our friend. I had anxiety attack and called her. It was such a horrible mistake. She called me back and told me that my ex and her hung out. She told me that he was very different and seemed very depressed. He told her right now is not a good time for a relationship and he also said "I wouldn't never got get back with her. But right now is not a good time." I begged her to help me to get him to talk to me. (BAD IDEA) he became angry I asked her to help me and get in the middle of this. That was the very last conversation we had. He said really nasty things that I never heard before. Such as I want to move on. I want to date other people. I don't know if I'm letting go of something important to me. I don't know what I want. - I asked all our mutual friends (even his close friends) what he said. They were all shocked we broke up. All of them said the same time. I was too dependent. He wanted space. He wanted us to become more responsible and happier because we both lacked a lot of experience. He loves me a lot but he didn't want to destroy any chance of us in the future. I know many of you would say if he loved me, he wouldn't have left, but to be honest, I can see our relationship going downhill. - Last month, I talked to a mutual friend who hangs out with my ex a lot. This guy was the guy I had a crush on before. He told me my ex has no intention of seeing me in his future. Of course, that crushed me. I had a lot of anxiety after talking to him. I can't believe him, because that guy is known to go through girls. When my ex and I were dating, my ex would tell me that he did not agree with this guy and his thoughts. ALSO, my ex is a guy who sways between feelings a lot. He can feel a certain way for a couple months, then have a total 180 the other months. I know he said this because of me having the other girl involved. This is a long read. I'm sorry. I have gotten therapy and it has been 3 months of NC and 5 months total of the BU. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. My guy friend who is our mutual friend said if he really cared, he would've reached out. I do not believe in that because I think right now in both mine and his life, we are both going through a lot. I'm in school and it's an intense program. I honestly think it's a blessing in disguise the way we broke up because there is a chance if we ever want to try again. If we would've waited, I would've become stressed out with the fact that I can't see him and decided to break it off. My mind is much clearer and at this point, I do not want a relationship with HIM or with ANYONE. I just want to work on myself (lose weight, become confident, graduate with honors from college, etc) and get myself back on track. He is still single after 5 months and I feel confident that he cannot find anyone like me. That is only because I understand his personality. ALL he talks is about is LIFTING, DIETING, and anything with powerlifting. He would send me articles to read, youtube videos, and tell me about workouts throughout our WHOLE relationship. I actually enjoy those things and I accepted that part of him. I can see him dating other girls. To be honest, I want him to date other girls to know what he wants. He only dated 3 girls. One girl who threatened to kill herself and would treat him really bad, another girl who treated him like he wasn't her boyfriend and immediately got a new boyfriend the day after they broke, and little-o me. I provided him stability and I think commitment scared him. He kept stressing that he doesn't want commitment AND there were many moments in our relationship where he was sad he could not provide for me. (I had to pay for many things which I honestly do not mind because I have two working parents who could pay the rent, therefore I had money from my job) I have a feeling we broke up because if this continued, his pride of what he could NOT provide would get to him. Coming from a background with just a mom who does not want to marry. A nonstable relationship with ANY of his family members. Graduating this year. Not knowing if he can get a job in this state. ALL his friends are single. I think life caught up to him. I'm still working on myself. Heck, I'm only 21! I can't imagine myself when I'm 23 graduated. Do you think what I'm saying is wrong? Should I continue with NC? Do I have a chance in the future? I imagine we will run into each other and that is how we will reconnect. (We live on island, therefore you will ALWAYS run into people. He said that one day, we can try again when all our friends hangout again) Sorry if this is long and doesn't make sense. Please ask me ANY questions! I hope to hear from you soon.
ABrokenNerd Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Wow this post is so similar to my situation that I almost thought you were my ex for a second LOL The only thing I can suggest is keep up with whatever you are doing.Keep focusing on you and keep getting better. It's a really tough and long road to walk down, but getting rid of the demons that plague you will make you feel better in the long run. Don't worry about him reaching out because in this stage of your life it shouldn't matter. What you're saying isn't wrong per se but getting him back should only be an afterthought, not a goal. That's just my opinion though, I hope it helps, and I wish you all the best.
Author Hearmelove Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Wow this post is so similar to my situation that I almost thought you were my ex for a second LOL The only thing I can suggest is keep up with whatever you are doing.Keep focusing on you and keep getting better. It's a really tough and long road to walk down, but getting rid of the demons that plague you will make you feel better in the long run. Don't worry about him reaching out because in this stage of your life it shouldn't matter. What you're saying isn't wrong per se but getting him back should only be an afterthought, not a goal. That's just my opinion though, I hope it helps, and I wish you all the best. Hahaha! That's funny! Sad to say, I'm not from Canada! Mm. Thank you. I'm at the point where I do miss him, but I think being single is the best for ME. It's not a goal to get him back, but I do want to try again once both his and my life is organized. Actually, I think my life is piecing itself. It is more so his life as he has much more that is unstable. I guess what bothers me the most is that I truly do love him and people have been telling me to reach out to him, but I don't feel as though I grew enough to really give the relationship another try at this point. I mean, if he asked for another chance I know I would be more then happy to say yes but I really want to be able to stand on my own two feet without needing to lean on someone. I'm not sure if my post makes any sense, but I guess I really want to be happy with myself physically and mentally before even thinking of giving relationships a thought. It's normal to still want someone back but want to wait right?
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