Necris Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I noticed whenever I get friends and they get a girlfriend we slowly stop hanging out or doing much anymore. I understand that since they have a girlfriend they probably don't want to hang out and waste their entire friday night playing videogames or dungeons and dragons past midnight and would rather hang with their girl but still they seem to always get seemingly permanently busy all of a sudden. Not being able to make out time for other things which erodes at the friendship. And then when we do hang out when I'm that lone single guy hanging out with a couple or couples, it just feels uncomfortable. Its good they are able to date and have relationships and all, though I wish I could do the same, I'm glad they are able to find someone they love but I'm just wondering whatever happened to "bros before hoes"? Anyway what do you think about this? Ever experienced this?
Author Necris Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) Actually now that I think about it a better title probably would be Whatever happened to bros before hoes? much better than the lame original. Unfortunately don't know if I can change the title. Is there a way to change the title? Edited November 14, 2013 by Necris
KathyM Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Bros before hos is a myth. When men have girlfriends or wives, that is where their priority lies. Sorry, but that's just a fact. The romantic relationship will be the primary relationship, and the bros will take a back seat. 1
Pretty.in.Pink Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 These are girlfriends, not hoes. IME, most guys prioritize their girlfriends over their bros. My boyfriend ditched his friends by our second date and started spending all his free time with me or doing stuff related to being with me. If they call when he's with me, he won't pick up. It is what it is.
Author Necris Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Bros before hos is a myth. When men have girlfriends or wives, that is where their priority lies. Sorry, but that's just a fact. The romantic relationship will be the primary relationship, and the bros will take a back seat. These are girlfriends, not hoes. IME, most guys prioritize their girlfriends over their bros. My boyfriend ditched his friends by our second date and started spending all his free time with me or doing stuff related to being with me. If they call when he's with me, he won't pick up. It is what it is. Not that that's bad or anything but it is kind of sad realizing that not only do I have a completely non-existent romantic life but I have a weak social life as well as I'm losing my friends as they are busy in their relationships.
antonio1149 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Not that that's bad or anything but it is kind of sad realizing that not only do I have a completely non-existent romantic life but I have a weak social life as well as I'm losing my friends as they are busy in their relationships. It is sad, and the ironic thing is that everyone will tell you, the single guy, that the best way to meet woman is through your network and social circle (ask your friends to introduce you, go to parties and social events, maybe someone has a sister or coworker, etc.). But it's hard to do this when your social circle is small to non-existent for the reasons you mentioned. This can be a challenge and lead to disappointment because if you make a new friend who's single, it's hard to know if they'll keep up the friendship once they're in a relationship (usually, not). Most attached guys have work, their relationship and kids, and then whatever buddies they have as a result of their extracurricular activities (bowling, sailing, softball team, weekend bar band, the Elks Club, etc.). Married men are the laziest people on the planet in terms of investing in relationships. Don't expect an attached male friend to pick up the phone and call you just because it's been a while and they're wondering how you're doing--they will usually make a connection only through some established activity.
Woggle Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You just have to maintain a balance. That is what I did.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Unless the guy is the type that doesn't let a woman tie his entire life down and is independent, then chances are he's just going to be more and more consumed by his relationship. You kind of trade one thing for another....hanging out with your friends, enjoying your buddies and in that way just being yourself and relaxed, just being able to connect on the male level...and then there's the woman, someone you can spend your time with, receive companionship and sex but requires a lot of time and attention/energy as women are pretty all consuming, not as big on comradery so to speak with their own friends or typically interested in a hobby, for many women their lives weigh heavily on finding a man and all that he can provide for her and in her life. And if your buddies are a little on the lonely, isolated side to begin with...then chances are they're going to cling like puppies to the leg of a woman since they might not have had all the opportunities in the world to be with one...for a guy to remain independent of his relationship he's got to have other things going for him in his life, the less he has the more dependent he'll become on the woman herself...especially if that's the only way he can get his needs met. Kind of goes like this; Relationship = full-time/part-time job, takes most of your time but there is still some flexibility, your partner has an opinion but not a right to restrict you Marriage = Prison, limited visitation rights, your incoming/outgoing mail is inspected, female "friends" will be eventually "weeded out"...responsibilities/duties/quests given...for you to fulfill Married with children = Maximum security prison, no visitation rights unless under certain circumstances, usually involving family, the empire has full reign over your universe...resistance is futile But to be fair, the man is also to blame...he falls right into it himself, and some guys really like being controlled and being the whole family man too, I mean they're probably insecure and likely never had all the options in the world to begin with but accountability is accountability...I know If I had a family, like with many men...my kids would take precedence over everything. Fortunate are the men who are still in love with their wives at that point....based on what I've seen.
SJC2008 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 IMO most couples are up each others but. I don't have female friends but plenty male friends disappear when coupling up. When they break up they're back on the scene. Not all of my friends are like this...
Shepp Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I think it's bad form on there part!! Tell you something all the guys I've known who ditch there friends and just focus solely on there gf's - the relationships don't last! I'm not just saying that, I'm racking my brains and I can't think of one! Dunno why, wether the guys miss there friends (particularly at our age) or wether ditching friends totally speaks volumes about your loyalty - no idea, I've never really considered it till 30 seconds ago! As much as I love my gf, and I do, we're different people - there's things we do and people we see together and there's things we do apart. The lads I play football with, the lads I go paintballing with, the lads I mountain bike with - these people and these activities shaped the guy I am right now, shaped me into the guy that my gf decided to go out with. I'm not going to stop them now I'm with her, I want to be the best possible version on me and all these different elements contribute to that! My gf can't give me what I learn from boxing - trying to push myself to my feet before KO, paintballing can't get out of me what my gf does - to love someone and the tests once a relationship and being a dad. You need all the different things IMHO. Just likes my gf likes her space to read and find hidden meanings and the like
KathyM Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I think it's important to maintain balance in life. To make time for friendships and outside interests that don't always include your primary relationship. People do need to keep their individualism while maintaining a romantic relationship. Either extreme is not healthy (totally self centered and investing most of your time in individual pursuits vs. totally enmeshed in a romantic relationship to the exclusion of your individual self). There does need to be a healthy balance, but the primary relationship will take priority over secondary friendships, and be given the largest chunk of your social life.
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