2005tahoe Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I signed up on a dating site to meet new friends. Well yesterday I sent a message to a girl that caught my eyes and she sent me a message back. I couldnt talk long but we talked on there for a few minutes and I told her that I was going to meet a friend for lunch. I asked her if I could give her my number but she sent me hers instead. I told her that I would text her later as I did. We texted for about 4 hours about getting to know you stuff. She is a christian and is involved heavily in a church which is great, I am also. If you read my other threads you will be able that I am legally separated but still married. We have talked about everything in the world. I have already decided that my marriage is over with no chance of reconciling. I have not heard from my wife since the day that she has left and no longer care to hear from her. I have done alot of thinking about this today and I do want to tell the new girl the situation. I want her to find out sooner than later. We have really connected my text and I dont want to hurt her feelings. I am going to be open and honest about my marriage and explain to her that its over with no chance of getting back together. I just dont know how to tell her the easy/honest way without. I know that biblically its not right but I dont want to hurt her feelings and still want to remain friends. How do I tell her?
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You just tell her. I'd open with something like, I know you are Christian so I hope you can appreciate my honesty & need to be up front with you but I thought it was only fair to tell you that I'm legally separated & in my heart & mind the marriage is over but I'm not officially divorced yet. How do you feel about that? 1
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 You just tell her. I'd open with something like, I know you are Christian so I hope you can appreciate my honesty & need to be up front with you but I thought it was only fair to tell you that I'm legally separated & in my heart & mind the marriage is over but I'm not officially divorced yet. How do you feel about that? Thats great advice!! I am not the type to play games with women. I dont even like to date different women. If I go out with one then that night or date is all about her, i dont talk to multiple women at one time either.
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 You just tell her. I'd open with something like, I know you are Christian so I hope you can appreciate my honesty & need to be up front with you but I thought it was only fair to tell you that I'm legally separated & in my heart & mind the marriage is over but I'm not officially divorced yet. How do you feel about that? I really want to tell her in a way that she would understand the situation. I dont understand that people run from trying a new relationship or a date. If it doesnt work then you have wasted just an hour or so but theres always that chance that it could turn into something amazing.
Knucklehead1050 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You need to tell her before you meet her. SEPERATED is still MARRIED.
Raena Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I'm sure if you are open and honest with her that it will be your best route. How long before your divorce can be finalized? Is it close enough that you can wait until it is official before meeting this girl?
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 I'm sure if you are open and honest with her that it will be your best route. How long before your divorce can be finalized? Is it close enough that you can wait until it is official before meeting this girl? My divorce will not be final until June 2014. I have not spoken to my wife or anyone that is related to her since June of this year. I have already concluded that I am done with trying to save it and want to move on. I dont know whether to do it in person ( we have not met in person yet ) or tell her on the phone ( we have not talked, just texted ). But we have been texting like crazy, over 300 since tuesday night. I just want to assure her that there is not going to be any reconciling and to trust me on this.
RonaldS Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Having floated around in your boat for awhile, I can say this: just tell her. Let her decide if she wants to move forward in any capacity with you. It makes you an honest, forthright person, and while she may not be thrilled with the news, in her eyes, you're at least being respectful enough to be upfront and give her the ownership of her decision about what to do with you. In my experience, most girls don't really care. A couple here and there will. I did OLD a couple of times while separated. I was always upfront with women once we would start chatting, and I don't remember any women actually caring. The only time it was ever a problem were a couple of times when I would give a girl my email when we would first start talking and then they would Facebook stalk me and see my status still said married (I just left it that way until the D was finalized). Two girls made a big deal out of it and told me I should do this or that and take care of this or that and then I could talk to them, but I just told them to eff themselves and worry about their own lives. And anybody that you meet IRL, it will just come up in conversation and doesn't ever seem to be a big deal. But the level of suspicion that women have in OLD is rightfully very high. Just be honest. If you have kids and are separated or divorced, don't hide it. If you are reasonably attractive, personable, and stable financially, few if any women will care about that so-called baggage.
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