My first love broke up with me for looking at his phone and I can't move on

[summer1994]

I was with my first boyfriend for a year and a half when he recently ended things for good, after I confessed to looking through his deleted messages on his phone; after I got annoyed about messages he'd sent to a girl we'd previously fought about. I feel empty and can't stop crying a month later and it doesn't seem to be getting any better... I feel like I've ruined everything, as we were very happy at times and he was my first love. However, our relationship did have a lot of ups and downs and we would argue quite a bit; he was going travelling for four months soon and did not want me to come and I felt hurt by this. Our arguments would mostly come down to me being jealous about him and other girls or doubting his feelings for me. Despite this I miss him so much and can't stop thinking about him, as he was my best friend who I saw/spoke to everyday.

 

I keep telling myself that he wasn't right for me - he never surprised/bought me anything or treated me in a way that made me feel special and I always felt second best. Also, I always felt I couldn't trust him properly after I previously looked on his phone and found messages to his ex (which he'd lied about) and we argued over this - at this point he told me that if I ever looked through his stuff again he'd break up with me. He would tell me this frequently when we had arguments and so I was on my best behaviour and didn't cause an argument for months, until I looked on his phone again and he ended it for good this time.

 

I feel empty and betrayed, as although we argued from time to time, he would often tell me how much he loved me and how amazing our relationship was. I can't imagine being with anyone else.

 

He hasn't attempted to contact me in any way since we broke up, which makes me feel worse...

[d0nnivain]

While looking at his phone may have been an invasion of his privacy, YOU didn't ruin anything. His messages to this other girl, ruined the relationship.

[summer1994]

I do feel in the wrong though as he blames me for things ending and the messages weren't bad in themselves - it was just it was the fact it was that girl in particular and the fact he'd purposefully deleted them so that I would never see them.

[TylerDurdenn]

He's going travelling, he wanted the easy way out.

[reddragon588]

He's projecting his own guilt for ending it into you. You didn't really do anything bad, and I don't mean this in a rude way, but from the sound of things you are very young. He likely was building up to this for a while and used this as the excuse to break it. The phone didn't cause him to break up with you, he's just using that as an excuse to make him feel better about breaking it off.

[summer1994]

That's made me feel a lot better, as I was thinking that myself. And yeah I'm only 19, so yes quite young. Thank you everyone

[brokenheart1992]

If he really loved you, he wouldn't break up with you just for looking through his phone. As a boyfriend, he should've reassured you that there was nothing going on between him and his ex. He should've helped you gain your trust with him, not just walk out on you because you looked at his phone.